My girlfriend and I called it quits over a month ago. We were together for five years. We lived in separate cities, but were only an hour apart. She wanted to get married and also wanted me to move to her city, which is in Canada (we both went to school in Canada, and I like it there very much). She told me that she didn't think I would ever get serious about moving to Canada, and that she didn't want to live in the US or be an American. Being a liberal Democrat, I understood her position completely. There are times when I don’t feel like being an American, either. Unfortunately, she decided that I wasn't moving quickly enough and called it off.
Three weeks ago, she announced she was moving to California. Los Angeles, to be precise. This is, in my opinion, the absolute WORST place on earth for a person who hates the US and doesn't want to be American to move to. In spite of this, because we were broken up, I had nothing to say about it.
For the past eighteen months, I've become very close with a good female friend of mine here at home. We have everything in common, she's everything the old girlfriend wasn't, she’s attractive and attentive, and she's in love with me. We've started seeing each other and our prior friendship is something that has really contributed positively to our romance. It should be noted that we'd talked about being together even while I was with the old girlfriend. I'm not proud of this, but it's the truth
Here's the problem: My old girlfriend was also beautiful. She was hot. She had an amazing figure. She had perfect everything. I'm finding it difficult to focus on the 99% of stuff about the new girl that is good for me, and instead can only focus on my old girlfriend's ass. What the hell is wrong with me? Does anybody have any suggestions on how to get over this totally shallow, yet totally real problem?
Yes. Don't make a big mistake and be a jackass. Grow up, bro. You said the new girl is pretty and has all the qualities that your ex doesn't have!!! Did you read what you wrote? Do you have rocks in your head?
All you do is think about your ex's nice ass? I would take an attractive woman that has great qualities and loves me anyday over just a hot, hot woman. What happens if you marry your ex and she turns 40? I bet that nice ass isn't as nice. I bet you fight all the time and you're not very happy.
And your new girl? If you marry her, she's still attractive at 40, has treated you well, you've had a lot of good times, she's still your best friend, she's made a nice home for you and loves you to death. And you still think about your ex and her ass?!?!?
Oh, one last piece of advice: don't mistake the new girl's niceness as weakness or that she's not a challenge. Who needs the challenge or the drama in a long-term relationship? Relax. Go forward with the new girl. Enjoy her and the relationship and forget about your ex.
I'm finding it difficult to focus on the 99% of stuff about the new girl that is good for me, and instead can only focus on my old girlfriend's ass.
Like JNRR said... at least you're being honest! But come on. You can't possibly be serious. When you fall for someone, you fall for who that person is... period. Maybe you never really loved your ex... and just lusted over her. There is a difference.
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"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something." - The Princess Bride
Oh, one last piece of advice: don't mistake the new girl's niceness as weakness or that she's not a challenge.
Alright! It is so kicka** that you say this. Two weeks into my current relationship, my gf and I were having a discussion, and me being a nice guy came up somehow, I had probably just done something nice for her. I took that moment and looked at her seriously and said, "Yes, I am. But don't ever confuse my niceness for weakness or being naive."
She looked at me a moment, like she was caught off-guard. It was hilarious. After a minute, she said in all seriousness "I won't"
In hindsight, that was a great way for a nice guy to make his point about not being a doormat. I think I pulled it off
__________________ That is not dead which can eternal lie, yet with strange aeons, even death may die - H. P. Lovecraft.
My happy thought for the day
Krytellan: haha. that's funny. good for you. that was perfect. letting her know you're nice (by choice) and that you're cockey about it and will quit being nice if you want. That's a fine line that i haven't figured out, the one between being a jerk and a doormat. And remember, women ALWAYS continue you to test us to see if we're still that dominant "worthy" male!
I was trying to explain to CBS that his ex "hottie" probably was a challenge and a headache. In some ways he probably liked the challenge of keeping the hottie. He should try to get over the whole "challenge" and game stuff ... he should just enjoy the new gf and enjoy freedom from the bs!
I don't think nice people are necessarily weak. I think a mean person has trouble being nice because they have insecurities and have trouble feeling out of control. In some ways it's easier to be mean than nice. I do think you have to show that if you're nice, you're not going to be weak or a doormat.
Excellent advice, Davis. While my post was at least partially tongue-in-cheek, the underlying theme was serious, and you told me exactly what I needed to hear (and probably knew already but didn't want to admit). It's true that it takes longer than four weeks to truly "get over" a person, but I'm doing my best.
You're right about the bull****, though. The relationship was definitely more of a headache than a pleasure for the final 8-12 months. Sometimes I find myself wondering if the only reason I stayed in it so long was BECAUSE of what a looker she was. I'm terribly ashamed to say that, but it gets easier with every admission...
My girlfriend and I called it quits over a month ago.
She told me...that she didn't want to live in the US or be an American.
she...called it off.
Three weeks ago, she announced she was moving to California.
because we were broken up, I had nothing to say about it.
Well, I'm sure your EX-girlfriend's ass is all that, however SHE broke up with YOU. About a month ago, she told you she'd never move to the US.
Since she decided to move to Los Angeles only a week or two after she broke up with you, I guess what she really meant was, she'd never move to the US to be with YOU.
So, what makes you think she would even consider taking you back? As far as I can see, you can fantasize about her ass all you want, but you have no chance of ever seeing it, or your EX, again.
Quote:
We've started seeing each other...we'd talked about being together even while I was with the old girlfriend.
Are you one of those guys who always wants what he can't have? You wanted your friend girl when you were with your ex, and now that you have your friend girl, you want your EX. Perhaps, girls come to easily to you and you can't truly appreciate what you have.
Give this some thought before you hurt this girl who is in love with you. You didn't say you were in love with her. Are you?
Hey CBS, thanks. I'm not sure how old you are, but I made the mistake of leaving my good gf for a "hottie". It was a mistake. The hottie was a headache, drama, cheated on me and gave me an STD. I regretted leaving my nice gf. That was when I was in my early 20s. I would hate to see you burn this nice gf for your ex hottie or even another one! They're not worth it!!
I hate to see a guy pining over an ex because she was so "hot". Sure, we're guys and I do understand. We are always drawn to the hot one. It's hard not to think about them when they're so smokin ... especially when you see their hot a**! But, there's a point when you have to be mature and look past the hot exterior and look for a woman with depth and more to offer. It sounds like you might have found that with your new gf. Like I said, I would take an attractive, nice girl over a hottie anyday.
Like I said, fck the challenge. Don't get caught in that trap. Get in a mature, mutual relationship with your new gf and just enjoy it!! Nothing at all wrong with a great relationship with no bs!!
P.S. Just remember all the good stuff that the new gf has to offer and all the bs your ex hottie put you through.
You go Norajane! I was going to point all of that out too, but got a little side-tracked. Was that all out of "She's not that into you"?! haha! If CBS is smart, he will realize that he should fall in love with the new gf and forget all about the other one.
You go Norajane! I was going to point all of that out too, but got a little side-tracked. Was that all out of "She's not that into you"?! haha! If CBS is smart, he will realize that he should fall in love with the new gf and forget all about the other one.
Yeah, I can understand how y'all would get sidetracked by the hot ass, to the exclusion of everything else.
While I value your insight, I don't think you thoroughly understood me. I never said I wanted her back. In fact, I have very little desire to see her ever again. My original problem was not that of missing her, but missing her hot ass. You see? Therein lies the flippant portion of my original post.
I think your response is a bit unfair, because the reason she moved to Los Angeles was because her boss (who owns two companies -- one in Toronto and one in LA) saw that she was really screwed up over the breakup (as I was), and said something to the effect of "I've got this other opportunity in this other city that might suit you. Perhaps you'd consider a temporary change."
No, I don't always want what I can't have. I'm fairly levelheaded for a 25-year-old man (for those of you wondering my age), and the reason the relationship was deteriorating was because of HER immaturity/high maintenance/neediness, not mine.
Again, my original post was simply a question about the inexplicable urge to drool over her hot body whilst simultaneously being handed the perfect (new) girl on a silver platter. And yes, I DO love her.
Yeah, I can understand how y'all would get sidetracked by the hot ass, to the exclusion of everything else.
Haha! Exactly! But I wasn't sidetracked by her ass, I was trying to help him not get sidetracked by her hot ass!
CBS. Thanks for more detail. I still stick by what I said before. The "hot ass" usually comes with a price (a lot of frustration, maintenance and disppointment). Take it from a guy quite a bit older than you. Don't make the mistake I made when I was your age. They're not worth it. Stay out of the hottie trap. Enjoy the good gf you have and be grateful!
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