Is it really immature to do the silent treatment.... or do ppl over the age of 30 do it aswell.
had a row with the guy im seeing last nite at 11pm n he lost it becuase i said i feel he had stirred things a little between me and a female friend of his who doesnt like me (i dont think he did it purpously)
anyway he stormed off n got in his car n drive of .. i tried to ring him n text him while he was on his way home (50 min drive) but he didnt pick up or reply n then his phone was turned off.
i know he had a half day at work today so woulda been in by 2.
i left him an email askin him if we could talk about things n sort things out but no reply.. i have sent him a coupe of texts n tried to ring him but no reply.
half of me knows he is blankin me but other half is worried in case he had car crash on way home (worried he was drivin fast coz he was angry)
ive said in the texts that im worried that something has happend but still no reply.
im going out of my mind with worry
is there anything i can say or do 2 make him realsie that he is being silly blankin me like this?????
even if he jsut sais that he dont wanna talk 2 me but he is ok.... that would make me feel better
You sure you want to continue dating this guy? He's not any good at communicating, and he has piss poor ability to deal with emotions in an adult manner. And he's trying to punish you for causing him to feel bad. You probably made him feel guilty or something stuipd, so he's taking it out on you in a childish manner.
Couple suggestions... dump the guy is number one. Second... send him a text and say something like "The silent treatment is immature. When you're ready to handle a problem like an adult then you can try calling me." Or something to that affect. Short though. No more then 2-3 lines.
Or.. reverse psychology. People who give silent treatments are looking for attention. They want you calling all the time, trying to get them to talk. Stop calling. Stop contacting him completely. The more disinterest you show, the harder he'll try to get you to pay attention to him.
Well we knew each other b4 but got 2getha properly on new years eve. it has been really nice but the last week n half id say ... cracks have started to appear.
he told me he's been feelin a bit down n he has been so stresed n busy with worlk n his friend have been really getting on his nerves amd i have been gettin on his nerves. so i think it sbeen a build up over the last couple weeks n then i pushed him over the edge by firing questions at him about this friend of his who doesnt like me when he didnt want to tak about it any more.
i feel alot for him and i know he's just going through stress right now and im hoping he will sort his head out soon.
we have spoken ... he finally emailed me and said he feels like what happend other nite has damaged things a bit and he wants a couple of days to think about things and for some time alone.
i asked him if we are still going to the valentines club nite that we are supposed to be going to on saturday n he said he doesnt fancy it no more and to give his ticket to someone else n go with them instead.
i begged him to come n not ruin it but he said "im skint now to be honest"
so when i tried to tell him that we wouldnt need to spend that much money... he didnt reply ... i tried to call a couple of times but he isnt picking up again.
so we are back to silent treatment.
This is exactly the kind of thread that solidifies people's notions that women go for jerks all the time. He sounds like a real hoot who has fantastic communication and anger management skills, coupled with wonderful justification technique.
Please, by all means, pursue him. You will regret it the rest of your life and wonder what the dysfunction could have "truly been" if you don't waste at least 2 or 3 years of your life with him. Other guys out there might simply express their feelings to you and treat you with respect. Be careful of those men... they're out there.
__________________ That is not dead which can eternal lie, yet with strange aeons, even death may die - H. P. Lovecraft.
My happy thought for the day
though i did speak 2 him again just now.. he rang me ... we tried to talk but it kicked off again. i tried to explain that i felt it was stirring a little bit him tellin his friend wot i said about her and telling me what she said about me even thoguh i know he didnt do it to stir. but he couldnt understand my point n got angry n said that that he was only telling the truth and wnted to treat me nad his friend equally in the situation n put it striaght that we were never gonna see each other anyway and thats why he told me what he told me and it was supposed to be a closing thing and not for me to keep going on about it.
i also said that things have been a bit weird this week becuase he has been down n a bit snappy with me and coz he's been snappy n has hung up on me a few times... ive put my guard up n been funny with him and now wonder thing skicked off this weekend becuase it sbeen a build up of us both being down during the week.. but i think he sees the whole fall out as my fault for me keep going on about his friend last nite after he told me to shut up about it
he was pretty angry n upset about a few things and i asked him why he was being so negtive... and i cant belive but he said "thats coz ive been hanging around with a negative person" meaning me
anyway to cut long sotry short .. i started crying and was trying to talk at same time n he jsut said "can u stop talkin in that whiney voice" and after a few mins i said the wrong thing n he put the phone down on me.
he did text straight after n said he was sorry n he didnt wanna hurt me but he just cant take a few things right now.
what do u make all of this??? i guess u will think even more of a jerk. but why do u think he has gone from being so lovely to this. wot do u think is going on in his head
The fact that you're asking again after this most recent illustration convinces me that I could paste a thesis about this man's character and behaviors and you would still ask what it means.
Simply put, the problem here is that you care. He is a rude *******. You like them do you?
not really .. course i dont like to be upset by a guy
but he was lovely up until the last week.. the way he has been so out of character and not like him at all.
so im hoping its all down to the fact he is highly stressed with work and been havin loads of late nights.
please stop ripping into me as if i have done something real bad... im just askin for an opinion, not to be made to feel terrible for the guy i chose
i jsut asked what u think must be going on in his head if he has been so lovely up untill a week ago n then he has changed to what he's like now.
its like he's a diff person
I think you are worrying too much about someone who doesn't seem to care about you. Something is up and I don't think you had anything to do with it. either he's found someone else or he's just going through stuff, either way, it's not fair to you to drive yourself crazy trying to figure out what you did wrong.
I think this is a blessing in disguse because you really haven't inversted too much time in him and it won't be so hard for you to just move on. But you need to move on. You deserve much better, don't let him do this to you. Just move on and don't look back, he's not worth it.
what do u make all of this??? i guess u will think even more of a jerk. but why do u think he has gone from being so lovely to this. wot do u think is going on in his head
Emma, the 'lovely' part is the facade. He needs to be that way on occasion to snare you, to keep you around.
The 'jerk' part is his reality and yours, too, if you stay with him. There really are great men out there who will not treat you in such an insensitive, immature way.
Really. This guy won't change. Either accept this treatment as your future or dump him.
__________________ Expectations are premeditated resentments
please stop ripping into me as if i have done something real bad... im just askin for an opinion, not to be made to feel terrible for the guy i chose
i jsut asked what u think must be going on in his head if he has been so lovely up untill a week ago n then he has changed to what he's like now.
its like he's a diff person
If you choose to be with an A-hole, does it really matter why he's an A-hole? An A-hole is an A-hole, no matter how he got that way.
__________________
...and I feel like I'm naked in front of a crowd,
'cause these words are my diary screaming out loud,
and I know that you'll use them however you want to...
please stop ripping into me as if i have done something real bad... im just askin for an opinion, not to be made to feel terrible for the guy i chose
But that's really the point isn't it? I don't know you from Adam. You, in essence mean nothing to my life (no offense, just reality). The fact that I come off as attacking you means that I write with passion. The only reason I would write to a complete stranger with passion is because I truly care about what I'm writing.
It gets VERY frustrating when people ask advice over and over again when only 10% actually want to hear it. The other 90% ask for advice and then start preparing their arguments.
Look, he was nice for a week. It was an act, and let's face it, if he cant even keep up the act for more than a week, then he really is pretty lame. He is treating you like and A-hole. If you look back you will identify at least 4 examples... in 1 WEEK. My god, how much more do you need?
And you think knowing "why" is important? Why, so you can change to try to please him? That's my guess. My guess is if you knew why he was acting this way, you would do everyting you could to change for him... a jerk you have known for one week. DO NOT BE THAT PERSON. Take a stand, call him an A-hole, lose his number, and walk away. It really feeels good to do sometimes you know.
think im gettin used to choosing guys who are so lovely to me for a few weeks/months n then switch as time goes on.
i think its me though ... i really think its something about the way i am that makes them the way they are .. becuase they have all been near enough identical in the way they are when they switch.
putting phone down
dissapearing for a few days and not wanting to be near me
shouting at me
tellin me 2 shut up/f-off
always saying they need space.
maybe im jsut 2 intense or maybe i have a serious personality problem that switches nice guys into a-holes
my last BF said... if we have all turned this way towards you... then dont u think it may be something about you and not us??
my last BF said... if we have all turned this way towards you... then dont u think it may be something about you and not us??
startin to think he may be right
Yes, he is.
I will repeat this 'til I'm blue in the face: The only common denominator in your relationships is YOU. If you're seeing a pattern, it's not with the dudes you're choosing to date, it's with YOU.
Why are you choosing to date A-holes? And even assuming they are "lovely" at first, why do you even care why they're an A-hole once they've proven themselves to BE one? Ugh.
i think its me though ... i really think its something about the way i am that makes them the way they are .. becuase they have all been near enough identical in the way they are when they switch.
NO NO NO NO NO GOOD GOD NO!
YOU do not make these people who they are. Don't give yourself so much credit. The men you choose are already this way and somehow you are able to sense it. It is this quality that attracts you. In that sense, yes, it is you. You are the one choosing to seek these men out. You need to find out why and what you can do to change it.
OH, I have an idea on how to change it!!! Break the freakin cycle and walk away from this guy right this second. That would be a GREAT start if you really care about yourself.
I will repeat this 'til I'm blue in the face: The only common denominator in your relationships is YOU. If you're seeing a pattern, it's not with the dudes you're choosing to date, it's with YOU.
Why are you choosing to date A-holes? And even assuming they are "lovely" at first, why do you even care why they're an A-hole once they've proven themselves to BE one? Ugh.
well there has been some cases where it wasnt that easy...
and its especialyl hard when i love the guy... sometime su jsut cant help loving someone n not being able to forget the lovely things they did
the first one that switched on me was a guy i had left home from to live with when i was 17 and after that my mum moved away and i couldnt go back.. so i fought to keep him coz i had lost the place at home with my mum for him.
another one was my daughters dad, i moved half way up the country to be with him and left my flat and al lthe furnature i had in it to move in with him so i wanted to fight to stay with him becuase of the big move i had done to be with him.
i hate to give up so easy when i have put alot into something.
also i guess at the moment... its lonliess that makes me hang on2 someone.
i dont have any friend in the area i live. i dont have the money to go and c friends and dont have the money to go places like gym etc and meet other ppl. i spend every evening sitting in on my own and it drives me crackers sometimes. having a bf eases that n i find it hard to let go once i have had the company for a whiel coz i know i rarely get to go out and meet other ppl.
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