I guess I'm writing here because I have nowhere else to say this. My wife and I moved in together about 3 years ago, and had our first child about one year later. We had our second son about a year later.

I just found out last weekend that she has had an ongoing online affair with someone she knew before I even met her during most of our time together. I discovered this affair myself by accident. I trusted her completely and asked her to marry me at Christmas.

Now that she's been caught she says she'll end the relationship and now wants me to trust her to try counseling, but I don't see the point. Everything that happened over the past three years has been under the guise of a lie by her.

Just venting, but would love to hear any thoughts.

-Steve

[scubafish]

You didn't say much about your relationship with her these 3 years, but if it has been good, and worth keeping, I don't think I give up, over emotional affair. was it ever physical?
this was going on before you met her, so it was meeting some sort of need she had at that time. she should have transfered that fulfillment you, but somehow, didn't. that she is willing to go to counseling says that maybe she feels she can fix it, and fill that need with you now.

[norajane]

I don't know how you've been handling this, but going to MC might help you communicate to her how you feel about all this.

This is very damaging to your relationship, destroys all the trust, and if you want to stay married, you need her to totally understand exactly how bad this is for you, acknowledge it, make amends, and WORK to earn your trust again.

She can't just say, oh, ok, I'll stop seeing him now and everything will be fine.

Unless...you have no interest in staying in your marriage anymore. If that's the case, then don't bother with a counselor - see a lawyer.

[outofdarkness]

MC is great, but either way, she needs to know that this is not appropriate and to stop if she wants to stay in the marriage. In many ways, I firmly believe that emotional A's or the emotional part of a full blown A, are just as harmful if not more then the traditional physical. It's giving your deepest and most personal thoughts and feelings to another...That is very damaging. It was the most hurtful and difficult part of my H's 10 year cheating to get past...

[Sup]

I would continue to dig, and see if anything else comes up, like sexy E-mails, notice a date on the E-Mails. Anything like sexy underwear that she NEVER wore for you, or would considering wearing before. Does she dress sexy? I mean, does she wear mini skirts, low tops, ya know what I mean? Has any times not been right, lateness, strange excuses?