[al8765]

So I saw my ex yesterday and it did not go well. He accused me of stalking him at his new house - I explained that I wanted to say hi to his mother and thank her for the phone call (he's living with his newly divorced friend and his mom was helping him move things). He thinks we've had too much contact lately - I told him that when we have spoken it has been about the dog or his job interview and not much more than that. I told him that I was confused about everything right now. I don't know how I feel about him or what I want from him. I thought I did, but it turns out I was wrong. When I left his house, he told me that we could talk later. Well, we spoke later and I told him that I didn't know what to think of everything. He said we should distance ourselves but then he brought up the stalking factor. I told him that I didn't appreciate him coming to my house when I was not there (he knew I wouldn't be there) and I thought that was a shady thing to do. Needless to say, he hung up on me and wouldn't take my calls any more that night. My mom came over and talked to me and calmed me down. She helped me clear the rest of his things out.

So now we are on this no contact thing. But how can we become friends later if we are angry with each other now?

[CaliGuy]

Why is it important for you to be friends? What can he give you as a "friend" that you can not get from someone else?

My point is I think you want to remain friends as a way to leave the door open a crack in case he wants to come back. IMHO it's in your best interest to go NC and focus 100% on yourself.

I do not believe it is possible to be friends with someone you still have romantic feelings for. It will only keep you down and stop you from healing.

[luvtoto]

Originally Posted by al8765

He accused me of stalking him at his new house - I explained that I wanted to say hi to his mother and thank her for the phone call (he's living with his newly divorced friend and his mom was helping him move things).

He moved out. He has a new home now. That is his territory. Going over there uninvited is a "violation of his privacy"..AKA: stalking.

[daisydo]

It sounds like he is uninterested in resolving things. The most important thing you can do is respect his privacy and his personal space - this means NC including his family and personal friends. Once you show him that you respect him and respect yourself after time there may be a chance at a friendship or at least neutrality.

It can be hard to have a negative relationship in your life - one in which you know someone harbors some hostility towards you. You have to understand that you cannot control his feelings. Going over to his house or calling him to 'explain' things is not going to change his mind but will only serve to aggravate him further.

Also, respect yourself and listen to your own needs. What is at the core of your behaviors? What can you do to resolve these needs? Is there anyone that can help you resolve these needs aside from the ex?

Good luck.

[al8765]

If someone was your best friend for two years, its hard just to stop being friends with them. He's been coming to my house when I am not home and that bothers me. If he's so into having his space, why can't he let me tell him to stop coming by?

I want the friendship. I miss sharing my day with him.

[luvtoto]

Originally Posted by al8765

If someone was your best friend for two years, its hard just to stop being friends with them.

Of course it's difficult. Breakups are never easy. But, stopping by at his house uninvited is unacceptable.

He's been coming to my house when I am not home and that bothers me. If he's so into having his space, why can't he let me tell him to stop coming by?

He's been coming to the house he used to live in with you. Is he picking things of his up?? He's coming over when you are not home to do this. He trying to avoid seeing you.

I want the friendship. I miss sharing my day with him.

I can relate with this. However, it sounds like you are crossing the line.

If someone wants space, and you don't give it to them...a bridge will be burned.