Question for Girls - Missed Opportunities and Bad Timing - What do do?
Girls - put yourself in this situation (and hopefully you have already been) and tell me what you think.
Suppose you're in college and you there's a guy that's in your program, so he's in a lot of your classes. You see him often. He's pretty good-looking, and you become interested in him and go so far as to strike up conversation with him every so often. This goes on for about a year, but for whatever reason, whether he is shy, not interested, is dealing with a complicated situation in his life, he is polite but doesn't reciprocate your interest. You basically assume that he's not interested in you.
A year later, he finally shows some interest, and strikes up a conversation - nothing serious, just a friendly exchange, you both show some interest, and you suggest that you two should hang out sometime. You're pleasantly surprised.
Shortly after, you run into each other at a party, and you're delighted. However, alcohol is involved, and the guy acts a little belligerent around you. You're not sure how to take this - you don't know him too well yet so you're not sure if he's just drunk, or what. You basically stop talking to him, maybe because you're not sure if he was just playing you to begin with, maybe because you're not sure what kind of person he really is, maybe because you're a little embarrassed for going out on a limb for this guy to begin with. Maybe a combination of all of the above.
In any case, you two stop talking... you try to avoid him, he tries to avoid you. When you run into each other, it's a little awkward, but you're also polite and exchange pleasantries.
Fast-forward one year later. You've relocated to another city, and the guy messages you of the blue. You chat for a few minutes, and he offers an apology for the way he acted a year ago. For the first time, it seems like there are no harsh feelings; it turns out that there were no harsh feelings to begin with, but that there was simply some kind of miscommunication. The conversation is short and to the point.
Now, this really seems like a worse possible case of bad timing, blown opportunities, and poor communication. You never really got to know the guy very well. (And contrary to what happened, he's every bit the guy you thought he was - genuine, good-looking, smart, albeit a little tentative - but you don't know this because you never got to know him.) What are the chances that you'll give it another go, taking into consideration the horrible timing, the fact that you're now in a different city, and the fact that you were really interested in this guy from the start but never really got a chance to get to know him? At this point, what's the best thing the guy can do for himself?
What are the chances that you'll give it another go, taking into consideration the horrible timing, the fact that you're now in a different city, and the fact that you were really interested in this guy from the start but never really got a chance to get to know him? At this point, what's the best thing the guy can do for himself?
Slim to none. There are a lot of really great guys out there, and ones that aren't mean drunks.
If I'm in a different city that you aren't even in that dulls the chances even more.
The best thing he could do was to have a happy life of his own without trying to date me, then, maybe I'd be interested in him as a friend.
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Nessun maggior dolore che ricordarsi del tempo felice nella miseria.
Well, suppose the guy isn't a mean drunk. In fact, he doesn't really drink much at all, but happened to have a little (literally) too much to drink one night and got a little nervous around her.
Well, suppose the guy isn't a mean drunk. In fact, he doesn't really drink much at all, but happened to have a little (literally) too much to drink one night and got a little nervous around her.
I understand, but there's no way for her to know that. It's why first impressions are so important.
A year of small talk here and there before the fact wasn't a reliable enough of a first impression to make the little screw-up not a big deal? Add to that the fact that they guy gave the girls some space after that because he isn't the aggressive type?
Maybe all this is getting the guy nowhere? I suppose he should just try and reconnect with the girl for now and try to be friends, since he has nothing to lose at this point.
A year of small talk here and there before the fact wasn't a reliable enough of a first impression to make the little screw-up not a big deal? Add to that the fact that they guy gave the girls some space after that because he isn't the aggressive type?
Nope, small talk is different than meeting in a social setting. Sorry, I realize it's unfortunate.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JackBlack
Maybe all this is getting the guy nowhere? I suppose he should just try and reconnect with the girl for now and try to be friends, since he has nothing to lose at this point.
Like many threads on LS, you're going to get a wide range of responses from women. Some would be freaked out, some would be cool. But none of that really matters because you have a particular girl in question. So instead of spending hours contemplating what if's, go ask her out. Then at least you'll have a definitive answer.
The worst she can say is "Leave me alone you f**king drunk!!!!"
Like many threads on LS, you're going to get a wide range of responses from women. Some would be freaked out, some would be cool. But none of that really matters because you have a particular girl in question. So instead of spending hours contemplating what if's, go ask her out. Then at least you'll have a definitive answer.
The worst she can say is "Leave me alone you f**king drunk!!!!"
I don't think asking her out is an option at this point, because she now lives in another city. I think the best I can hope for at this point is to reconnect by email/text messaging/online chat.
More importantly, I sort of just wanted to get an idea as to how these types of bad timing / missed opportunity situations tend to work out when there was an initial interest. I just wanted to get an idea of what my chances are at this point.
zerr zerr interesting. Well I find it interesting because the most exciting things in my love life seem to have happened on-line for the last little while. Aaah, the days of the pink elephant craze.
I second what Tarnbark said and would also like to add that since she accepted the apology and agreed it was a miscommunication, basically, you have to forget it happened yourself.
I'd say, forget about that unfortunate night and romance the girl like there is no ifs and buts. What have you got to loose?
I agree. My hope is that the initial attraction was strong enough that it can overcome the mishaps and lack of communication during the past year. The only thing is, how does one go about romancing another online?
gosh good question. hmmm. One guy I was dating pulled it off. OOH! He found a reason to send me a snail mail package- he said wanted to send me a book he thought I'd like and sent it along with a letter.
Could you afford going to visit her city? Make sure you can afford your own accomodations, as you would not want to impose yourself on her, but then you could definitely take advantage of being there to suggest she takes you around town or go own to a restaurant together. The book guy actually did this and it worked like a charm.
Other then that, when it comes to more electronical tricks hmmm, I don't know, joke around? Use the picture function? I really don't know.
Hmmm... that sounds a little risky right now. I'll probably stick to trying to establish good rapport online before I try anything else. This will go nowhere unless we can have friendly conversations.
good plan JB. I was just thinking to myself that it would be risky and I was feeling guilty about sending you out to some foreign city. It works if it is a city that is not too far and if you also happen to know other people who live there or if, such as Mr Bookman, you happen to have a conference in that city.
I glanced through your other threads rapidly and here is a word of advice though: have fun with this. Courting someone and being courted is fun. If it works, wonderful. If it doesn't, better luck with the next girl. And don't forget, part of the fun is taking risks.
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