[princess75]

Hi everyone, this is about son of H, he has a son with another lady. It was a one night stand and a son was born out of it.
Now this son is 7 years old, and I still dont know him personally.
In the beginning I wanted to meet him ,but as time went by and everything started to occur:

"Hb cursing me I will never have kids" (being one of them) I dont feel like meeting this kid. At this point each time the son's mother calls, it irritates me. I know it is son's right to meet his dad, and I have requested there should be planned meetings....but he just never does.
Today, the mother called, and he calls back. When he does he talks low, and when hanging up I ask what is it...and he says nothing. So I insisted and he says I wil go pick him up and meet him for 2 hours.
I got mad, why? Because I dont know when it was planned, and I would have rather know when they are seeing each other so I could maybe join in? But.........according to hb it ws not planned, which annoy me too....because I feel the other woman calls him whenever and he goes running (now I know the kid needs him) but it is like kind of on call basis, and I am not confortable with this.
When asked why is it like that: HE yells: WHatever I do is nobodys business, and then tells me I used to say I have no problems with the kid how come now I have!" but see, I don't..in thoery but emotionally now I feel I am a mean person.......
Can someone give and insight, how to cope with this>
What am I doing wrong?

[IpAncA]

Has your H said why you can't meet his son?

Is his son interfering with your marriage? Sure I agree things like this should be planned and once in a while it's ok if it's not. Does your H not want to be involved or is he just doing it?

[princess75]

Hi, thank you for replying back.
The son is innocent, unfortunately I have not met him. When I asked him it is because he says it will affect me. I have been married for less than a year.
Now, every time he goes and see the son, the mother of the son says she wants to marry him, regardless of if he is already married or not. He was married before to some other lady and she ended up divorcing him. The mother of the son was a one night stand.
So....too many strange things and signs, and bottom line is from wanting to meet the kid, I have negative feelings about all!
I am at a verge of wanting out!

[IpAncA]

Originally Posted by princess75

Hi, thank you for replying back.
The son is innocent, unfortunately I have not met him. When I asked him it is because he says it will affect me. I have been married for less than a year.
Now, every time he goes and see the son, the mother of the son says she wants to marry him, regardless of if he is already married or not. He was married before to some other lady and she ended up divorcing him. The mother of the son was a one night stand.
So....too many strange things and signs, and bottom line is from wanting to meet the kid, I have negative feelings about all!
I am at a verge of wanting out!

Wait a minute now. Let's not start thinking about divorce. Sure the situation is stressful but this is fixable.

I think you need to sit down with your H without SHOUTING and talk about this. His sons mother needs to realize that he is married and not marrying her. Your H needs to put his foot down on this.

Obviously he doesn't want you to be put in the middle of this and I'm sure you don't either. BUT he should be willing to talk to you about this. All of you need to come to some sort of an agreement about seeing his son.

If his sons mother wants to marry him then she will do whatever she can to break you two up. And that means calling whenever and placing a guilt trip on him.

You don't want something like this to break up a marriage. This needs to be fixed before this gets any worse or more complicated then is already is.