If both parties feel as though there has never been a spark or passion for each other, should they stay together? I have been married for 4 years to someone that is kind, compassionate, and attractive, but there is no chemistry between us. Even on our honeymoon, it seemed more a friendship. We have discussed it at length, and both of us agree that there were never butterflies or that deep attraction. Yes we have companionship, friendship, etc., but at the core of the relationship, there is an emptiness....There is no connection on my part on the physical side.... Our courtship was very brief, and we basically got married because we like each other and enjoyed each others company. I think we both hoped the sparks would follow. She says at the beginning she was not happy, but has "learned to love me," but I believe that the love is more akin to having a great respect and admiration. I think that we may be cheating ourselves of greater happiness...She should have someone that she feels passionately about, and he of her, and I should have someone that I feel chemistry with and feels just as strong. Sometimes I feel as though if the "marriage" word was removed from our relationship, we would not be seeing each other as long as we have.
It seems, from the tone of your post, OP -- that you already made up your mind that this marriage isn't worth saving.
What on earth posessed you? Marrying someone after knowing them only briefly, and even then marrying them knowing that there was no spark to begin with?
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This is one doodle that can't be undid, Homeskillet.
What on earth posessed you? Marrying someone after knowing them only briefly, and even then marrying them knowing that there was no spark to begin with?
Quote:
Originally Posted by walkingthedog
Yes we have companionship, friendship, etc.,
Sometimes expectations can be unrealistic. I'm just saying.
Marriage! No. You said it yourself, the companionship you and your wife share isn't exactly categorized under marriage.
There is no marriage to save. You should focus on saving yourself and the friendship -before it turns ugly and into infidelity. Period.
Marriage, as many humans know it, is reserved for a man and woman who are madly and heal-over-heels in love with each other. IT should not be used as a means to escape reality -or a temporary solution.
Wow! This is a tough one. But the good thing is that your both being honest and sharing your true feelings! Which takes alot of guts! I don't know how old you are, but it's never too late to find the person
who really ignites that fire of passion for you. I think you two are mature enough to leave now while there is still a mutual respect and admiration for one another. Good Luck to you and your partner as well!
Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 13th March 2007 at 5:59 PM.
Reason: formatting
I think that we may be cheating ourselves of greater happiness...
I know a person who has been through a lot in her life. She is 50. She married a fantastic, very charming guy. They have a lot of fun together and she truly loves him. But I don't thik she is IN LOVE with him, with all the chemistry and passion. He is madly in love with her. He is 60. Despite of all the happiness they have, I don't envy her one bit.
Gee, I hate to sound like such a divorce advocate, but today seems to be that kind of day.
Passion, spark, chemistry is so important to me and I had that at the beginning of my marriages. Once it waned, there were children to consider and I stayed for many years past the loss of that passion.
Passion is pretty important to me, and it sounds like it's important to you too. I agree with the other posters who stated it is probably best to end it amicably while you still can.
Loving someone and being IN love with someone are two different things.
Good luck whatever you choose.
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Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional (Zen aphorism)
i've seen something similar - two really great people, almost too nice- that were great friends that took what they thought was the next logical step after dating for a while - marriage. happens a lot to younger people.
you have to ask yourself this question... where do YOU see yourself 5 years from now? With this person? If you can't imagine that .. then it's probably time for you and her to have another talk.
I'd say, get out of it. Save the friendship not the marriage. There is always a chance that it can be great, but I don't see it here. My parents are good examples of this. There is no spark between them at all, nothing. I know they both want a divorce, but are afraid to go through with everything for very serious financial reasons. They have been married for 28 years...Do you want to go that long feeling the way you do?
So, I had a long conversation and was told that she was willing to stay married despite not feeling the spark....I probed a bit more, suggested counseling, albeit more for her to come to realize her true feelings. She asked what that would entail and I said it would be opening up with her feelings, to which she replied, "some things are best left unsaid or kept inside" I finally got her to tell me what she meant, and she told me. Being a virgin when we married, she said that she has thought what it would be like being with someone else, if she would feel more passion and chemistry....I would have thought that would have been a signal to her that she is depriving herself of being whole, but she says that she would be happy/contented if I was more affectionate....I guess I will have to be the "bad guy" in ending this.
I feel for you. Breaking up is so hard even when you know you have to do it for yourself. It will not be easy, it might get ugly, but you will survive.
I know you were hoping for an amicable split, to just admit a mistake and go your separate ways, hopefully without agony and anger.
The road ahead will be difficult, but it can be passable.
You have LS, right? These folks can get you through anything. Count me in.
I wish you the easiest letdown of another person I have ever witnessed. That's assuming you will share the details Good luck!
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Too much chemistry makes it plural! 
In my marriages... 
Good luck!
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