If both parties feel as though there has never been a spark or passion for each other, should they stay together? I have been married for 4 years to someone that is kind, compassionate, and attractive, but there is no chemistry between us. Even on our honeymoon, it seemed more a friendship. We have discussed it at length, and both of us agree that there were never butterflies or that deep attraction.

Yes we have companionship, friendship, etc., but at the core of the relationship, there is an emptiness....There is no connection on my part on the physical side.... Our courtship was very brief, and we basically got married because we like each other and enjoyed each others company. I think we both hoped the sparks would follow. She says at the beginning she was not happy, but has "learned to love me," but I believe that the love is more akin to having a great respect and admiration.

I think that we may be cheating ourselves of greater happiness...She should have someone that she feels passionately about, and he of her, and I should have someone that I feel chemistry with and feels just as strong. Sometimes I feel as though if the "marriage" word was removed from our relationship, we would not be seeing each other as long as we have.

[tweldy]

A piece of paper? A friend? Heck, you don't even sound like good friends, just people who don't hate each other. Ask yourself this question, if she announced that she found someone else and left would you feel bad about it or would you almost feel relieved that its over?

[stillafool]

What brought the two of you together? Are you compatible in other ways? Have you ever had that chemistry with another person?

I know how you feel though. I felt no chemistry or "butterflies" with my ex husband and wondered after a while how I ended up with him. We did have many other things in common and I thought compatibilty would be enough. As time went on I longed for and needed that "deep connection" that included passion in my life. I was still going to stay in my marriage and carry thru with my vows. We fought a lot and he became abusive and eventually we divorced. I have to say that I know now that companionship and compatability are not enough for me in a long relationship.