[over_the_moon]

I have a question that I know will sound a little crazy to some - but here goes.....how do you know if you are physically attractive?? I suffer from a horrible lack of self esteem and very low self confidence. Some of these issues stem from the fact that I used to be very overweight and was teased and ridiculed horribly by people. Also, my past major relationship ended over an affair (long term - on his part) which has left me untrusting and with a lot of baggage to carry around.
Well fast forward to the present....I lost a ton of weight - I mean I'm no supermodel but I am happy with the changes that I have made to my body....and I am in counselling to help me get past my past....
I am approached by men and asked out sometimes and there is interest shown by members of the opposite sex at work and school....but is this really an indicator??
Like I said I know that this seems crazy....but I figured it can't hurt to ask for some feed back....

[magichands]

You just know. It's an inner glow. For example, I'm swatting them away with my trunk like flies. Hang on, they are flies.

Never mind.

[Carbine]

There have been studies done on a global level (I think) as to what constitutes 'beauty/attractiveness'. I don't remember exactly, but I'm pretty sure the research was cross-cultural and comprehensive. From what I remember, level of attractiveness was based on things like facial symmetry and waist-to-hip ratio in females. Just remember though, it's general, not specific, and beauty is, as they say, in the eye of the beholder. It's probably worth having a look though. I think I've read about the study on www.wikipedia.org, otherwise it wouldnt be hard to find by doing a web search.

Also, there are websites like www.ratemybody.com where you can post a picture of yourself and have other people rate it, and make comments. There's probably a lot of similar sites out there.

Originally Posted by over_the_moon

I suffer from a horrible lack of self esteem and very low self confidence. Some of these issues stem from the fact that I used to be very overweight and was teased and ridiculed horribly by people [...] I lost a ton of weight

Same here. I know from experience that it can take ages for your brain/emotions to catch up with your physical weight loss! I used to be a very overweight teenager (154lbs +!!) and lost heaps of weight suddenly, gained a bit of it back and am now averaging 116lbs give or take a bit. But in my head a lot of the time i'm still that fat ugly duckling although its nearly 10 years later! So a lot of the time I hunch, and have a wary, unpleasant look about me that comes from years of being teased and stared at. That aint attractive! Also it took me awhile to figure out that I had to be comfortable in the clothes i was wearing, and that having your own personal style helps project an pleasant visual image.

Lastly, you can always go the direct route and ask people! Yes, it takes a lot of guts, and you may not always like the feedback you get, but i've found that doing this can provide some insight into things about your appearance that you can highlight, and things you can downplay.

Hope this helps.

[loggrad98]

I know from personal experience this can be a very difficult thing. My wife and I married 15 years ago and after 4 kids her weight had gone from 130 when we married to 220. About a year and a half ago she started weight watchers because we are done with having kids and she wanted to look good for her 20 year high school reunion. Well she has been very successful and has lost 75 pounds now, and is within 10-15 lbs of when we married. I am now trying to catch up to her because I have at least that much to lose.

But you know, she cannot see herself as beautiful and it has affected our relationship. She said I always made her feel pretty, even when she was big, but now she says that BECAUSE I made her feel pretty when she was large, it means I cannot really tell what good looking is, so she does not believe me and my opinion is hopelessly biased. Whenver someone compliments her on her new look I say "see, you are beautiful" and she just waves it off. She can only see the little things she still wants to work on instead of the many things she has improved upon.

I think you can start by getting out there and just start looking for a nice guy. I know it is important for your self-worth to feel attractive, but it is not the most important thing, and stay away from those "ratemylooks" web sites, they often get terrible comments and if the rating is not as favorable as you would like they can make things worse. Let the guys you meet help you feel attractive. And remember, no matter what you will always have some people who find you attractive and others who do not, so don't get too discouraged if every guy you like does not fall head over heals. We all have personal preferences.

I think the important thing is to be proud of your accomplishments, and let that give you some confidence to start meeting people, and as you do, your confidence will increase as will your sense of self-worth. If you focus on finding someone you want to be with, and look for things deeper than just looks, then you will find there are a lot of guys out there that will find you beautiful as you are.

Comparing ourselves to others, especially for things like looks, is a dangerous thing that usually just leads to more pain. Be happy with what you have done (it is a phenomenal acheivement, and I can say that as someone who is trying very hard to do the same thing...and it is hard) and start using your new-found sense of accomplishment to find Mr. Right.

[Toni_no12002]

Hi when i was younger i used to really hate myself the way i looked everything.I didnt have any boyfriends and was incredilbly shy because i had acne.Now im older ive had bfs and been told that i am attractive but yet i still ddnt believe them.I cried constantly wndering why i looked so awful and hated it if my bf happened to mention someone was pretty.I thought it was the end of the world because i naturally assumed hemeant they was prettier than me.I put my picture up on sites to see what people thought and although i didnt gt anything nasty come back i still hated the way i looked and thought i was ugly.

I came to realise that no matter how much anyone told me how nice or whatever i looked.I still hated myself.The only way to get around it was to accept myself the way i am.I can be no one else no matter how hard i tried and whats the use in crying over it.Not everyone is going to think im attractive but then again not everyone will think im ugly.Trust me you can get people compliments and such but if YOU dont like yourself you will never accept peoples compliments.

So what what other people think of you.If your happy with yourself then why should you care what other people think.If your confident in yourself you will take other peoples compliments and use them to make yourself feel better.If someone puts you down just brush it off,there not worth it there probably insecure anway and trying to make thereselves feel better.

Trust me the only way to get around it is to accept who you are and to love yourself more

Originally Posted by over_the_moon

I have a question that I know will sound a little crazy to some - but here goes.....how do you know if you are physically attractive?? I suffer from a horrible lack of self esteem and very low self confidence. Some of these issues stem from the fact that I used to be very overweight and was teased and ridiculed horribly by people. Also, my past major relationship ended over an affair (long term - on his part) which has left me untrusting and with a lot of baggage to carry around.
Well fast forward to the present....I lost a ton of weight - I mean I'm no supermodel but I am happy with the changes that I have made to my body....and I am in counselling to help me get past my past....
I am approached by men and asked out sometimes and there is interest shown by members of the opposite sex at work and school....but is this really an indicator??
Like I said I know that this seems crazy....but I figured it can't hurt to ask for some feed back....

i think its about your self image
i have a friend that is bulmic and thinks she is fat
last time i saw her she was losing weight
i like a healthy woman with some meat on her bones
and a body that has lived a life
that's what every man should want

when u said measuring attractiveness
i thought u meant - wink

oppppppppppppsy

while on the subject - no, i've never measured and it would take a damn creative woman and a bottle of wine before i had a ruler placed up againt mr. plump


besides, don't people know that every erection is different

[IpAncA]

I wouldn't do the rate myself ones because you might not get a positive response you would like.

Not everyone is going to think im attractive but then again not everyone will think im ugly.

I agree.