[jesse james]

In August 2006, whilst we were on holiday in Mallorca, I asked my wife why she was being cold and distant. She told me that she was thinking after holiday, that she was under a lot of pressure doing her own job and deputising as a manager, about all work that would be waiting on her return. I believed her.
Well on the 22nd October 2006, some six weeks afer returning home from holiday, my wife of 21 years anounced that she does not love me anymore as a wife should love her husband and she was separating. My entire world was turned upside down and I cried like a baby. She calmly packed a case and went to stay with her father. I was left on my own to look after our two children, two dogs and the house.
Whilst she was leaving, I told her that I want to be amicable and she could return home whenever she wanted. Duing the first week, she visited home every day "just" to see the childeren. The next weekend she went to see a show in London with some to her single work colleagues. The next time she called home, she told me that see wants a divorce, but she is in no rush and if I wanted, I could divorce her. She said that there is no other party involved, however the next day, she told me that she wants me to meet someone, have sex and for them to give me the love and affection that I deserve.
Some eleven weeks have passed by and without any notice, she continues to visit home at all hours, even when the children are not home. I contiinue to regualry cook dinner for her and she visited home for christmas. Whilst I was washing up, she came into the kitchen and asked if I was coming through to the lounge. Moments later, we sat on the sofa in front of the log burner, with a blanket over us and she asked to lean back on me. Whilst cuddling, she went to sleep for two hours.
When she called home on boxing day, I asked if she enjoyed herself on Christmas day. She said yes, but it does not change anything. When she left, we hugged and kissed and she said that she does not want to hurt me. When we chat together at home, or via phone, her only interest is her work and what she is doing.
I continue to give her my love, with honesty and sincerety. However, she is continually fullfilling her emotions, however she is not giving me anything in return. I am trying project a confident immage but, since I am not sleeping, I am absolutely exhaused. If I go tough love and do not welcome her home, this will adversly affect the children. My emotions are like a rollercoaster, it is all so, so, distressing. I so, so wish that she was home and the family was whole again.

[Rooster_DAR]

Many times when a seperation is asked by the partner, someone else is involved with them at least at an emotional level. I'd bet money there is someone else in the picture.

These are going to be be very painful times for you, but you must listen to what she is telling you. I think you need to cut her off completely, and agree with her that it needs to end. This is really hard to do, but it gives you some power back and is somewhat of a reverse phsyciatry. If you show that it doesn't bother you, it will really bother her.

Sounds like you're at the end of a relationship, sorry but sometimes life really sucks. Be confident, and try to rationlize with your brain and not your heart.

Good luck!