I am a 26yr old black female and my 33 yr old BF is white, we meet at our place of work and we were friend at first and then it turned into a serious relationship. I 've met his father and his sister, and they are supportive of our relationship. His mother , who I've never met, decided to invite us to the beach for Christmas. When we get there, she sees me for the first time and has a look of digust on her face(yes, guess who's coming to dinner). The whole time we are there she is eyeballin my BF, like she is so disappointed in him. I tried to make conversation with this woman, but she acts like she doesn't want to talk to me. After we leave, I tell my BF that his mother doesn't like me. He gets upset and tells me that his mother doesn't have problem with me being black (eventhough i never brought up my race in the coversation) and that I needed to chill. I told him that i will chill and let it ride,this time.
That night, the sh** hits the fan. We were laying in the bed, and he gets a phone call, and all I hear is a woman shouting. Its his mom, he tells her to calm down. Next I hear her shout "WHY DID YOU BRING THAT N*****TO MY HOME, ALL SHE WANTS IS YOUR MONEY, HOW COULD YOU"!! He steps out of the room to talk to her,then hangs up the phone.
Then, he gets back in the bed and acts like nothing happened. I was so mad that I let all my anger and frustration out on him. I left his house and I have not spoken to him since. He has called me repeatedly, sent me flowers, tried to talk to me at work, but he has never apologized for his mother's behavior.
I really love him and I feel like I am at a crossroads, I don't want him to choose b/w his mother and me. What should I do?
Last edited by notfeelinit; 3rd January 2007 at 10:30 PM.
I'd be pissed off if I were you.. he didn't stick up for you on such an important topic or issue.. since it is forefront and right smack in the middle of your relationship and he let the racist words stand then I would believe that he is somewhat racist himself.
We are a product of our environments and he doesn't seem to be bucking his parents..
I hope it isn't a case of the apple doesn't fall far from the tree..
Although I don't have much experience in dealing or confronting racism myself I believe that you might want to rethink the relationship with your BF.
He may not be racist be he certainly has racist parents and if he won't stand up to them today then it will get worse the more time that goes by.
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I feel for you, and what his mom is doing is SO WRONG. I am suprised though that your boyfriend and his dad didn't talk to her beforehand. Her racism issues must be known in his family.
Talk to your boyfriend, it's not his fault this happened, and I'm sure he feel so bad, and embarressed for his mom's behaviour. Give him a chance, see what he says, and if you feel that it's too much to take, and he's not trying to get his mom to get to know you - Then decide what is the best thing to do, whether breaking up has to happen or give it more time.
He is sorry though, his actions are showing he is, and let's assume those flowers are his way of showing you how much he cares for you, what you feel. Don't think the worst of him because his mom is a racist.
I look at it this way, his mom should see that her son is happy with being with you and that should be acceptance enough. Who cares about someones skin color, if they are good hearted people and the both of you are happy in the relationship, then keep doing what your doing. If you are 26 I am assuming your man is either close to your age or whatever, his mother needs to cut the cord. And next thing is, he needs to grow some balls and tell his mother off. Not where she won't talk with him anymore, but stand up to her and tell her how he feels and how it is effecting the relationship.
Geez, if her son is happy, just leave him alone to make whatever decisions he is going to make and that includes dating someone from another race. Really none of her business if she is going to handle herself in a very rude, disrespectful manner.
It looks like he wants to keep the peace and keep both of you in his life. I think it's reasonable for a man to want a relationship with his gf and his mother.
Why should he apologize for someone else's behavior?
Do you want this guy in your life or not? Based on results he is ready to resist his mothers racist tendencies and make up his own mind who he wants to date.
He more than likely knew his mother is a racist but perhaps he thought that her seeing how much in love he is with you would change her attitude.
I think you should call him up right now, end this silliness, get back together and not let his mother win.
He is sorry though, his actions are showing he is, and let's assume those flowers are his way of showing you how much he cares for you, what you feel. Don't think the worst of him because his mom is a racist.
Jeez.. After reading what WWIU posted I have to say that maybe my jump to say he might be racist may have been to fast...
I still stand behind what I said about if he can't stand up for you now that it will get worse in the future.. But his reaction or lack of reaction to his mothers actions may be shock and he doesn't know what to say or how to act to fix it other than send flowers..
He really should apologize for allowing his mothers behavior to stand though and not say anything to her.. I feel that is wrong..
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My BF's mother is a racist
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