Hello,

Dating Resume:
Dated a guy since I was 16 for 9 years married him and recently got divorced.

Current Situation:
My brother's friend and I have started hanging out. And we hung out one night and closed a bar it was not planned to even see each other. He asked me out for that Friday. We went out had a great time. He ended up sleeping over we talked all night and then made out a little. The next night Saturday we went to dinner with some people then to a christmas party and were all dressed up he took me out for a drink after party and then spent night, some making out as well.

The following week we have hung out and went to a movie, went out to dinner, I have cooked dinner, we went to a basketball game with friends. We have slept together too. We talk like once a day not for long but just to say hi.

We are having dinner tonight.
We have only been hanging out now for 3 weeks.

Question:
So how do you know if you are just casually seeing someone or you are dating them? Is it like high school? Do you have a talk? or do you just see how it goes and it is unspoken. I seriously have no idea what we are doing? Are we still feeling each other out to see if we should date? What is the protocol these days?

[silentcharon]

I'm new to the game as well, after a 7 year relationship (I'll be 23 soon.)... when I started hanging out with my bf, I felt that we were more than friends but I wasn't sure how to bring it up. I basically asked him if he was looking for us to be a couple offically or if we were just dating casually. I chose to be blunt because I was tired of mind games/drama, and I was pleasantly surprised- he said, "Of course, we're a couple!"

I even said that if he wasn't looking for anything more, to let me know so I can make informed decisions.

I would suggest you to do the same- ask him what he is looking for out of the whole thing. If you really, really like him- ask him out! Don't be afraid- it's better to find out in the beginning than assume six months down the road, and find out he slept with someone else, and have him say "But we're just dating casually, right?" Fk that.

ASK HIM.

Originally Posted by silentcharon

ASK HIM.

Thank you for the good advice. Be honest, open, and blunt.

However, I am curious about when is the appropriate time to ask something like that. I mean their must be a grace period of just casualness where you are getting to know each other...

basically I don't want to scare him away by trying to define what we are too soon. But, as you have said I also don't want to think we are something when we are not and find out the hard way.

I am having a lot of fun and don't want to ruin it by trying to make it something too fast or define it.

[silentcharon]

Originally Posted by Guest

Thank you for the good advice. Be honest, open, and blunt.

However, I am curious about when is the appropriate time to ask something like that. I mean their must be a grace period of just casualness where you are getting to know each other...

basically I don't want to scare him away by trying to define what we are too soon. But, as you have said I also don't want to think we are something when we are not and find out the hard way.

I am having a lot of fun and don't want to ruin it by trying to make it something too fast or define it.

Hah. There's never a right moment for anything, unfortunately.

I really liked him, like you, I was also scared of scaring him away. Which is why I chose to ask him what he was expecting out of it. Just ask him what he is looking for and take it from there. "I really like you, but I was wondering, what are you expecting out of this? I'm having a lot of fun with you, and I really enjoy spending time with you." This will give him the cue that you are interested, but aren't trying to define something just yet. He'll at least either agree with you, and say, yeah, me too, or let you know he's not looking for a relationship. Don't be afraid to inquire- reassure that you are not looking to speed things up or anything, you just want to know where you stand with him. Communciation, communciation! I cannot stress that enough, it is SO important, especially in the early stages of a relationship. Keep us updated!