[casoria99]

It's been 3 weeks and I have had little contact with him.

He was a complete jerk and hurt me.
I am empowered right now although my stomach has butterflies and my head is whirling. I feel lost right now. I want to write him or call him and leave a message but I don't do it.

But the weight of not getting it out has kept me in bed today although most days I am able to get up and go.

I feel like he died and I am mourning the lost.

I want to explain my feelings to him and clarify things.
Christmas was difficult but I enjoyed it with family.

Someone showed up at my door with a restraining order but I didn't answer it. And the thing is that I have never bothered him except to call him the first week but then by the grace of God, I had a lot of my friends call me and I was finally able to tell them about this relationship and they all talked to me through walking out of this relationship.

I think that people use those restraining orders to hurt people intentionally without thinking about the consequences. I would have never hurt him. I called because I was in limbo and didn't know what was going on. He just disappeared. It is such a power move on his part because he feels superior and in control. He knows it hurts but he does it anyway.

I did send him his things back and that gave me closure. I did that last Friday, but I have not followed him, called him, harrassed him, threatened him, gone after him, or endangered him.

In some ways, this restraining order is a way for him to hit me in the gut! He had to have done it the two weeks ago when I wasn't even bothering him. I think that he is afraid that I am actually leaving him alone. NC was beneficial for me. And it took me the NC to get strong enough to send his ring, CD's and things that I know he really wanted back. It was my last act of love although I sometimes think I could have auctioned it on eBay.

So what do I do now?

[Freedom Now]

You pick up the pieces and go on. I would imagine the restraining order was his wife's idea.

Blow it off. You are better than this trashy treatment.

You don't appear to be a bunny boiler at all. But, who knows what HE has told her about you.

Rest in the fact that you know that truth about yourself.

Who gives a rat's ass what he or she think of you?

You are free of them. Good riddance.

Peace.

FN

[guin_girl]

maybe it wasn't his idea to have a restraining order issued? But did it to save face?

[casoria99]

Yes, I think it was the wife's idea, too.
I don't think he would have done it on his own, but he has to "save face" and show her that he doesn't care about me.

I know that it is only 3 weeks out and I have not gotten the restraining order but know that they will be knocking on my door again. They came and I just had my sister answer and of course they cannot give it to just anyone.

I contacted my friend who is a lawyer who said that I need to fill out a restraining order. He said that the restraining order is in and of itself a harrassment tool and I should file one on him and her. In doing so, I will have the ability to get my word out and explain my side of the story. He said it will also protect me if we are in a similar setting. So either we will all go to jail or noone goes to jail because it's like "double jeopardy."

I have a few days to think about it since I have not yet been served. I was trying to pack up and move on and I will FIGHT THIS if I have to, but it will not be pretty. I was trying to give him the option of leaving. We split up last year but he came back at the end of the summer and it's deja vu.

[GreenEyedLady]

Sorry to hear about what's going on...take the steps you need to in order to take care of yourself and I hope that things get better...

[whichwayisup]

Make your own closure. Don't ever call or talk to him again. For your sake and as well as because of the restraining order.

[puddleofmud]

I know what you are going through is terrible but by not receiving the order at some point you may be held in contempt of court since it could be known that you are avoiding. It would seem that there is ample evidence that you are avoiding, so it could be a large fine as well as possible incarceration until a hearing) and their are no time-lines as to when a hearing may be set. Judges have NO mercy when it comes to contempt as it is one of their favorite pet peeves.
All restraining orders require a hearing to which you and all parties will be ordered and it is notable that IF it was not only ordered but INSTATED without your knowlege or presence was there already a hearing? Why were you not notified?
No matter what, you do need an attorney so it would be best to no longer avoid, find and attorney and have your attorney ask the order be served to your attorney's office and not your residence. Don't avoid!
Then your lawyer may interpret and along w/ you provide your response to the court.
Most "restraining orders" (these are not "protective orders") are usually dealt by the court not indulging in either parties grievance but by ordering "MUTUAL" orders against both parties for a finite period of time.
Most lawyers will simply ask for a mutual order for six months rather than argue the issues since a restraining order is not about violence but usually about both parties just "shutting their pie-holes" and any experienced judge knows that most parties need do that and doesn't care a hoot if one is less vocal than the other.
You may wish to ask your attorney for a mutual order since that is very easy to obtain and will prove something about you being mutually harrassed as well as the fact that if are being harrassed you are sincere in your wish to end it.