Today I received a message from my Ex's mom. My ex got engaged on Christmas Day. Normally I would be upset and well to be honest at first I was.
Then came a huge wave of relief. It's finally over.
No more wondering about a second chance in the back of my mind. It's always been there, you know. I think we all dream of a second chance. In my mind as long as she was not engaged it kept a tiny bit of hope of alive for a reconcillation. I personally wish I had listened to the advice on Love Shack sooner rather than later. Had I done so I would have been farther along in the healing process. But I am thankful that I did listen because the news did not hurt as bad as I thought it would. I expected it and in my heart I knew it was coming.
I'm not here to stomp on your dreams. I just know that we spend so much time and effort on trying to win someone back when we should be focused on us and healing.
Another one is coming. Someone better for you. Keep the hope alive. I know I will. I'm not going to wallow around in self-pity or be bitter or angry. Whatever is God's plan for me, I am ready.
__________________ ...the purpose of a doormat is to wipe your feet on it, not love and respect it. - Balthazar The No Contact Guide
You know I thought this same situation would help me. It didn't. First it was engagement = ok it's over for good. Then they got married and I was like ok you idiot it's definately over. Then the news came of a potential pregnancy that forced the shotgun wedding so soon after things ended with me. Yet despite all this, my hope of a second chance has only increased. Strange. I love my ex just as must now as I did when with her. I think of her constantly. I still havn't given up on her. I've gotten over breakups in the past in just one day. This one is haunting me. A very dear friend who I have not seen in 5-6 years saw me the other day. He said I looked like **** which I have to admit I probably do. He also confirmed that I basically have and am suffering from depression. I knew this already but I was still shocked to be told this. I guess my trying to keep it all hidden from everyone was obviously a failure lol. He did say it was noble of me to want to wait for my ex though. If you loved someone, and saw them get married to someone else who was a negative influence in their life, you naturally would want to help them. I can't, but I can be there in the end when her marriage falls apart. Clearly this is stupid. Yet it's the only thing that gives me any hope now. I would not turn down a chance with someone else if I happened to meet them, but I have so given up on that idea, waiting for my ex feels more possible even though it's ridiculously close to not going to happen, if ever, or if, years down the line. I mean really bad marriages can last years.
I'm happy for you Cali. I hope I wake up one day and have an epiphany and things get better. For now, I am where I am.
I want to have hope there is someone out there that is better for me. Yet when hope gets crushed so many times, "hope" ends up just being a fairytale pipe dream. I know God has a plan for everyone. We still are in the drivers seat though.
But I am thankful that I did listen because the news did not hurt as bad as I thought it would.
I think that the reason it didn't hurt as bad as you thought it would was because deep down you knew it was over and you were on well on your way to moving on without her..
The news only confirms that she isn't the one for you...
__________________
~~ One day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else.. ~~
You know I thought this same situation would help me. It didn't. First it was engagement = ok it's over for good. Then they got married and I was like ok you idiot it's definately over. Then the news came of a potential pregnancy that forced the shotgun wedding so soon after things ended with me. Yet despite all this, my hope of a second chance has only increased. Strange. I love my ex just as must now as I did when with her. I think of her constantly. I still havn't given up on her. I've gotten over breakups in the past in just one day. This one is haunting me. A very dear friend who I have not seen in 5-6 years saw me the other day. He said I looked like **** which I have to admit I probably do. He also confirmed that I basically have and am suffering from depression. I knew this already but I was still shocked to be told this. I guess my trying to keep it all hidden from everyone was obviously a failure lol. He did say it was noble of me to want to wait for my ex though. If you loved someone, and saw them get married to someone else who was a negative influence in their life, you naturally would want to help them. I can't, but I can be there in the end when her marriage falls apart. Clearly this is stupid. Yet it's the only thing that gives me any hope now. I would not turn down a chance with someone else if I happened to meet them, but I have so given up on that idea, waiting for my ex feels more possible even though it's ridiculously close to not going to happen, if ever, or if, years down the line. I mean really bad marriages can last years.
I'm happy for you Cali. I hope I wake up one day and have an epiphany and things get better. For now, I am where I am.
I want to have hope there is someone out there that is better for me. Yet when hope gets crushed so many times, "hope" ends up just being a fairytale pipe dream. I know God has a plan for everyone. We still are in the drivers seat though.
Krying, have you thought about seeing a professional to get a diagnosis? I'm not saying it's wrong to hope for a second chance but after an engagement, marriage and pregnancy I'd say it's well past time to move on.
I will tell you the something that was told to me which I repeat often. It takes a while to settle in but really makes sense:
"Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?"
It took a bit for that to sink in with me. Because if you truly love and respect yourself you'll let those go who don't love you back the same way. I had to let my ex go but the hope of a reconcillation, even if it was remote, was always going to be there until she got engaged. Now that she is engaged I can truly move on.
I think that the reason it didn't hurt as bad as you thought it would was because deep down you knew it was over and you were on well on your way to moving on without her..
The news only confirms that she isn't the one for you...
Yes, it's been over a year and she had been seeing/living with the guy she's been with since she left me so yes, deep down I knew it was over. However, the thought of perhaps a reconcillation was always there and it was that flame, regardless of how tiny, that really kept me from moving on completely and having a good relationship with others.
While I am dating now, I do not have a g/f. At least now nothing's going to hold me back from being able to give myself to the right woman when she comes along.
Krying, have you thought about seeing a professional to get a diagnosis? I'm not saying it's wrong to hope for a second chance but after an engagement, marriage and pregnancy I'd say it's well past time to move on.
I will tell you the something that was told to me which I repeat often. It takes a while to settle in but really makes sense:
"Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?"
It took a bit for that to sink in with me. Because if you truly love and respect yourself you'll let those go who don't love you back the same way. I had to let my ex go but the hope of a reconcillation, even if it was remote, was always going to be there until she got engaged. Now that she is engaged I can truly move on.
Krying -- I thought the same thing when I read your post. I think you are suffering from a pretty deep depression. Explore professional help or even some type of group therapy. Once you can lift yourself out of the fog of depression, moving on becomes possible. I know, I've been there. While I am still sad over my romantic loss, I have a positive outlook on what life has in store for me.
Cali -- that's a great quote. I read a similar quote in a book that was phrased only slightly differently: "Choose to be with women who choose to be with you."
Cali -- that's a great quote. I read a similar quote in a book that was phrased only slightly differently: "Choose to be with women who choose to be with you."
Yep, definitely. We spend so much of our time lamenting people that don't want to be with us when really if we invested the time in ourselves we'd be much happier. I know it's hard not to have regrets over the one that got away but think about it. The one who loves you as much as you love them is 10x better than the one who got away.
If someone really loves you they would never walk away.
Cali, my feeling is that you dodged a bullet - because she will cheat on him, too if she already isn't.
Dodged a bullet, definitely. I doubt she will cheat on him. If she'd agree to marry him then she's as into him as he is her. With me, she just wasn't into me and I was too blinded by love/lust to see that.
It's my own fault for getting into this situation in the first place. If something goes bad with her marriage then it's because she, much like me, did not pay attention to the red flags.
No more wondering about a second chance in the back of my mind. It's always been there, you know. I think we all dream of a second chance.
the only thing I dream of with ex's is having sex with them. I never dream of being back with them in a relationship. There is usually a reason why I left them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cg
I personally wish I had listened to the advice on Love Shack sooner rather than later. .
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