[jultcygirl2]

My husband and I have been married for less than two years, but the amount of negative things in our relationship out weighs the positive by far. He is still in such a selfish frame of mind and I think I may want more. When he and I started dating it was to drink all the time and hang out with friends, but when we got married and subsequently had kids I was able to separate myself from that lifestyle and he has not been able to. There are major communication gaps between the two of us and it seems like every the space between us grows. He tells me I am always complaining and nagging, but he's always doing such childish things. He says that he doesn't know why he didn't just break up with me and that he wants me gone. He threatens to take our kids from me and calls me a bad mother. I am just so confused because we can argue over something as small as what to have for dinner and the first thing he says is that I need to leave. I love him, I love my kids, and I want our marriage to work, I just want to know if it's REALLY time to move on. We have done marriage counseling, but it seems as if nothing is making him any happpier to be with me. I wish I knew what to do and if I am just being silly to hold onto a person that says he is disgusted by me touching him.

what i would say is simply this - this is not the end of the world. do not fear hurting yourself or someone else bu making a decision that is best for you. if u have deep concerns about someone from your past, and even if they have told or shown you the changes, go with what is best for you.

and i will give u an example - there is a woman i know who loves me deeply and always will and in her own way. i don't want her to change that, nor do i want her to put her life on hold for me. i know that for a long time she has followed my path, while having a separate life, and doing that is not only taxing on your mind and body, but hard on one's soul. so, to this woman, i say this - i hope u opened yer christmas present and i bought it because i wanted you to know that the times i would watch you doing your hair [for hours - big hair babe! lol] where wonderful times.

hence, the present. so, what i would ask her is this, please go and open yer BD present and let the feeling of what it is fill yer thoughts - and then relax and don't think that what life is about is the effort required to make a decision but the ability to let feelings of just that moment be enjoyed. so, please open it and u don't have to do anything else. and trust that u will always be the woman i knew and the woman u are. everything else is secondary

[anna13]

only you can make the decision if it is time to leave your H , but from your post it sounds like you are definitly leaning in that direction. I think you have already taken the steps to try to improve the situation , and he is tryin gto put the blame on you .

I am just being silly to hold onto a person that says he is disgusted by me touching him.

so simply in my opinion , you should not be married to a man that says that to you . he does not deserve a wife who takes care of him . you Love him , you care about him , you can do that without being with him (married). once men get into that "it's all your fault " mode then that is when it is time to put the foot down . my H kept saying that to me after he left .., ( we are seperated he left me ) and one day i just told him , you can say that all you want but it isnt true and i will never believe it . that made him respect me more.

He threatens to take our kids from me and calls me a bad mother

he wishes you were i bet, if he is in the party mode and you are taking care of the kids at home it is obvious that you are the better parent , he is just trying to make you feel insecure. when he is the one who is insecure. dont let him get in your head . hang in there.

[Antha]

jultcygirl--This man is obviously very childish and selfish, and that is not a person you want to be with. He does not understand the concept of marriage, of growing up and being a man. You do not need a person who basically says "I know you are but what am I?" and laying all the blame at your feet. You probably share some of the blame, but I doubt it all belongs to you. You having been trying and he responds to your efforts with childish slings at your mothering ability? You cannot be married to a man who says he is disgusted by your touch. Everyone deserves to be with someone who appreciates and loves them, not someone who would belittle them and tell them flat-out MEAN, deliberately hurtful things. You don't want to be with someone who can "dish it out, but can't take it". He's childish, selfish, and clearly not ready to truly work on the marriage and make any changes to his attitude.