[Her0]

Hello, I'm new here, /wave.

I have had something for this girl since the moment I saw her 5 years ago. The instant I ran into her I knew that I would end up falling for this angel. After many sleepless nights on the phone, on the computer, hanging out playing video games, I finally broke down and told her my emotions. She told me later that "Even though that moment was kind of awkward, I let it slip by, and we became best friends." That was something like three years ago, and I've seen her go from guy to guy, some good, some bad, some weird... she even ended up dating one of my best friends for about a month. I'm crazy about this girl and the emotion has only been growing. Two days ago she said something or other to me, and I said something or other back, apparently it was just something minor, but it broke me. --I'm an extreme introvert, and I bottle up my emotions instinctively.-- After talking to her I spent all night tossing and turning, on the verge of tears, on the verge of rage, feeling everything I had repressed for years come flooding back to me. At one point I got out of bed, went for my stash-o-cash picked it up and had every intention of riding to town, and taking a train to Canada. The only thing that stopped me was that I didn't know where in Canada my friend lives exactly. I emailed her back telling her that I think it would be best if we don't talk for awhile, or at least until I can be with her without thinking all the while in my mind that I should be with her forever. =\ That email was sent yesterday, and I can't stop thinking about her. Its worse today than yesterday. I'm tearing myself apart over this and I don't know what to do! I told her that if we kept on trucking like nothing ever happened that things would end in tragedy... but now I think that ending is inevitable. Please, if you have any advice for me I would love to hear it. I am at wits end, and its taking everything I have not to take that money and run away from my problems. I've never been kissed, never been in a relationship, and all of this is new grounds for me.

Thank you for reading.

[blind_otter]

It seems to me that continuing a friendship with someone that you want more from is sort of masochistic. I mean, she's already rejected you once and you keep maintaining a relationship with her in the hopes of something more, but you seem continually agonized by your friendship. How can you continue this without continuing to hurt yourself? It's like breaking up with someone and not getting over it for 2 or 3 years. I mean, that's a looooong time to be pining for someone.

And it's highly likely you've passed up more realistic relationship opportunities in favor of this fantasy relationship.

Look, it's easy to be in love with an idea. Much easier than being in love with a real live person who reciprocates your emotions.

Why do you think you're so attached to this fantasy? Why do you keep allowing yourself to live in agony? Is the friendship really worth it?

[Her0]

I don't know what has kept me attached to this fantasy relationship, but whatever it is I know it is damn strong. It takes little more than seeing her in a business across the street to have those feelings wash back over me. We have had a pretty steady friendship since she first rejected me, one of her boyfriends told her to stop talking to me, and she told me that from that point on she was planning on how to dump him. I don't know if it was the sudden strong emotions at the beginning that kept me going, but something sure has. I'm not a masochist... at least I don't think I am. I certainly don't like living in pain, but it seems like living without contact with her is almost worse.

I feel like such a stalker =\.

Better a tooth out than always aching...





I've been through it,cutting ties IS your only choice anything else will be fatal to your peace of mind.