Hey I just want to say thank you to the seven people who so diligently replied to my post so quick. I just thought maybe you'd be interested in an update. If not, no need to read further
After I posted the original message, I gave it one more go at being nice to her, perhaps *trying* to be that girl's friend, since my husband said let it go, just see her as the immature girl that she is, a kid, it's ok.
Fortunately she hasn't been bitchy anymore the last few times we met after the post, but one time she came over on her own cuz she wanted to say hello to me and my baby. Husband was out.
Ok, she's wants to come meet me, let's do it I thought. So she comes over, and proceeds to analyze my husband AGAIN! Like "when I first met him, I thought this, but now wow, I think this. And you know, a lot of the girls in our class want to talk to him but he stays to himself, so they wonder how we got so close, and they're' kinda jealous...blah de blah..." AND she also managed to go on about what she thought were my husband's weaknesses.
--I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
Please, people, please tell me you would have been pretty insulted if someone talked about your husband that way to you. Please. Or if I am overreacting.
What the **** would the other girls be jealous about??? how DARE she talk about my husband's weaknesses to me? Who does she think she is.
jesus christ.
I was royally pissed. Here I thought she was coming over to focus on me and yet again goes on about my husband.
--By this time, my female instincts were wailing alarm bells ding ding ding.
Or of course, overreacting? (I speak with sarcasm here becuz of what I will write next.)
You guys will probably die of frustration when you read this, but I couldn't speak my mind at her. Instead I just told her I was getting a headache and wanted some quiet time, sorry to cut this short but can you go.
--She left, smiling, no idea, no CLUE she had pretty much whupped me mentally in the face.
I knew that if I confronted my husband as soon as he came home I'd be very very emotional, and I didn't want that, so I just went to sleep after putting the baby to bed.
Next day I missed him cuz he left early for school (the class he has with HER dum de dum) and I was calmly contemplating how I would bring up that I can't have her in our lives anymore, I am sorry, I can't. Even if it's perfectly innocent to you, I feel she's crossing the line (even if she is acting all out of innocence as well). Whatever the case, however wrong I am about the two of you, I am uncomfortable. Period the end, shoudln't that be enough for you to stop interacting with her.
He comes home from school and gives me this little note.."look, (girl's name) gave me a little Merry christmas card." Goodness, the heat started rising in me again. But I calmly took it from him and read it. It was all about the same stuff she told me, how she can't believe how close she and my husband had become, she thinks he's so cool to be so passionate about his schoolwork and keep up a family...and please send regards to your wife and daughter."
--You know guys. Normally a card from a female friend wouldn't have bothered me a bit, even if it was written in the same manner, I kid you not.
But from her, I wanted to tear up the little thing to shreds and scream at the top of my lungs. I don't know why. But every little she does bothers me so much and I just feel she is crossing the line.
I mean wouldn't it have been more approriate to address a christmas card to the both of us.
Every other female friend of my husband including one he's known for nearly 15 years, addresses letters and cards to both of us or only to me. No more single notes to my husband, they told me themselves they thought that would be inapproriate to me.
The fury was so bad, but I was trying to control it my face felt constricted.
My husband caught on though, right away and asked me what was wrong.
I tried starting calmly I really did. The letter is crossing the line. I can't deal with her anymore. I also told him about her visit, that I can't handle her blurt outs. He then goes, oh come on it's just a note, and why are you getting so worked up over some kid who probably is just shooting her mouth off withouth thinking? come on now, it's like reacting to a middle school kid who talks bad about me. Now would you get upset over that, no, you'd just laugh it off. I don't want us to quarrel over some kid in my class who doesn't mean even a little bit to our lives.
I lost it right there. I told him there was a huge f-ing difference between a middle school kid and a 20 year old. You may think she's young and a kid and immature and so that's cute and you can blow it off, but I can't ok?! I think she's rude says inapproriate things and this letter is just way too crossing the line for my moral standards. YOU may not think so but I do, and I feel really really hurt most of all, that no matter how irrational you may think I am being, I am your wife and the fact that I am so upset about this should be important enough for you to at least consider my damn feelings. And you said yourself, she's a young immature kid who doesn't mean even a little bit to our lives, then please stop using that as an excuse to excuse her behavior. Cuz I am not that nice and I won't excuse it, I was never that rude at 20 to someone else's wife, let alone I wasn't even comfortable being friends with someone else's husband. At that age, I still had those thoughts, why can't she? I won't tolerate this.
Then HE got mad and says fine, you want me to hide everything I do with another female from now on? You get along so well with my other girl friends, and you get so worked up about this little kid~I try to be open about every thing cuz I feel I am doing nothing wrong and you react like this!
I was so exasperated. I never had issues with the other girls cuz they never gave me reasons to have issues with them. It IS about her being female I know (hence the gut instincts that make me dislike her so much) that but at the same time it;s also about being a respectful person...and I was so frustratd cuz then he made it sound as if I was some jealous freak who went nuts every time he befriended a girl, which is so not the case.
And I told him I am sorry I am acting so emotional but every time I tried to have a calm conversation with you you blew off my feelings. And I am a person too, no matter how patient I am. It builds up and explodes sometimes...
But in the end, I think he realized how much he hurt me and how this had nothing to do with me hating any female he talked to in general, just the fact that this ONE girl set off alarm bells in my gut that I don't feel with every single female he meets.
He gave me lots of hugs and said he was sorry for hurting me so badly.
I would agree that i may have jealousy and mistrust issues if I felt hatred every time my husband befriended a girl but it;s this one girl and this one girl only and to hide everything from now on is not solving the problem or even getting to the point at all. I feel if I come across another person that bothers me, it's better to get it out front this way then hide it and lie to eachother jsut to keep peace in the house. I know I am not a jealous person who would react like this every single time.
But he's decided not to have anything to do with her anymore.
And that was my update, thanks.
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