Someone suggested that i look into alphamale's posts on nice guys. I guess with my ex you could say i was an extremely nice girl.. haven't gotten mad really, haven't cut him off yet, despite all the way he's been acting.. so i want to know.. do the same rules apply to nice girls? do guys prefer bad girls too?
Someone suggested that i look into alphamale's posts on nice guys. I guess with my ex you could say i was an extremely nice girl.. haven't gotten mad really, haven't cut him off yet, despite all the way he's been acting.. so i want to know.. do the same rules apply to nice girls? do guys prefer bad girls too?
No................
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Minds are like parachutes......they only work when open.
I was very accommodating to my ex, and it came back to bite me in the ass. It swelled his head to monumental proportions, and at the time I was really pissed at myself for not standing up for myself when I knew things weren't right.
__________________ Love is just a lyric in a children's rhyme... -Keane-
Relationships should be give and take. Sometimes you give more, sometimes you get more, depending on your needs at the time.
When I've given too much, I find that guys tend to take it all and stop giving. When I take more, guys keep giving. It's so opposite of what I would do in that situation that it baffles me when it happens. I've given up trying to understand men and just go along with what works, lol.
Someone suggested that i look into alphamale's posts on nice guys. I guess with my ex you could say i was an extremely nice girl.. haven't gotten mad really, haven't cut him off yet, despite all the way he's been acting.. so i want to know.. do the same rules apply to nice girls? do guys prefer bad girls too?
Men want a * bad girl * in the bedroom and a * good good * for his parents to meet. :P
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"how do you gently break up with someone???..
Thats like saying how do I gently drive a monster truck through a china/glass/crystal shop.
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so many stereotypes! First of all the "nice guys finish last" thing isn't that conclusive. Of course you'll lose someone's respect if you put someone else's happiness above your own, especially in a "please love me" sort of way. And you have to step back once in a while and make sure you're not 'enabling' - that term's usually used in the context of alcoholism but it works just as well for emotional abuse or selfishness.
that being said, if you're genuinely nice to both your lover AND yourself it's the kind of balance that I think is really desirable. And even if you are a very giving and unselfish person... find someone who's the same way and you should be all right.
And as for wanting a devil in the bedroom... i'm more for freedom than wildness. willingness to explore plus love of pleasure is all it takes for me. and the emotional aspects of sex can be very satisfying for men too, believe it or not.
Be yourself. If someone thinks you are too nice, then they're not the one for you. If someone thinks you are not nice enough, then they're not the one for you.
It's too hard to constantly worry about meeting someone else's expectations unless it comes naturally to you. If you like to do nice things, do it because it's what _you_ want, because it makes _you_ feel good. Dont do things in hopes of winning other people over. When you are overly nice to people in order to make them like you, they feel like you are not confident in yourself and need to bribe their friendship, and people do not like to feel obligated to other individuals.
But when you do things that are natural for you, you worry less about their appreciation, because ultimately, it was something you wanted to do and made you feel good, regardless of how they percieved it.
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When you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock somewhere else.
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Of course you'll lose someone's respect if you put someone else's happiness above your own, especially in a "please love me" sort of way. And you have to step back once in a while and make sure you're not 'enabling' - that term's usually used in the context of alcoholism but it works just as well for emotional abuse or selfishness.
Right on target! Isn't niceness a decision, anyway? Doormats, jerks and normal people can all act nice when they choose to do so.
IMHO men or women there is a huge huge difference between being "nice" and being a desperate freak. To me being nice is holding open a door, or asking " do you need me to stop and pick anything up for you on the way?"
A person who does not do what they say they are going to do is a Jerk.... (say they will call and do not)...... and will not win any points that way either.
Maybe jerks/bitches attract desparate freaks? So it turns out to be a win win sort of 'dance' between them?
__________________ MAY THE FORK BE WITH YOU -YOU TAKE THE FUN OUT OF DYSFUNCTIONAL!
My theory on this whole thing is that the "jerk" who gets the girl/guy and the "nice" guy/girl who finishes last is a misinterpretation of what is really attractive to the opposite sex. It isn't the fact that some guy is a complete A-hole that girls find attractive. It is the challenge that a jerk has naturally that they find attractive. People who are nice and respectful I think are usually not good at giving the girl/guy a chase at the begining. It's not the fact that they are nice that is unattractive. In other words, you can be nice, and not "clingy" and still get the desired effects of the "jerk." I am this way. I am very guarded of my feelings (too much almost) to girls, but at the same time I'm funny, nice, and respectful to them. They know they have to get through to me, and that is what they find attractive I think.
My take on it is that both men and women want the "bad/mysterious" lover until they have been hurt enough by those people to realize it doesn't work. What defines "enough" is different for everyone.
I have seen women talk about being very accomodating to their men only to be walked on later on. Yep, we do that. Anyone does when they haven't seen the "other side" of the coin.
I married a woman who stopped loving me, insulted me physically and sexually, would no longer have sex with me, and started getting aggressive. I left her and we are in the process of divorce (final in 1 month). I am dating a wonderful and vulnerable woman right now, who I have no doubt would do everything for me. But I have seen the other side. I wont ask any more of her than I am willing to give, even though I know I could get it from her. She will do everything for me and I love her for it. As such, I am not afraid to give her everything I have because she deserves it too.
I guess the point is that there are people out there who appreciate true kindness and selflessness that can also be trusted. Unfortunately, they are typically born of disaster.
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