the guy my best friend likes, likes me.

meisje · 2nd December 2006, 1:49 PM

Wwoooooo! What a situation... haha.

Okay, so there's this guy. We'll call him Guy. And there's my best friend, we'll call her Friend.

We are all at the same university. Guy, Friend and I all had a class together a couple of years ago. But it was a big class, in a lecture hall, so Friend and I didn't know Guy. But Friend had pointed him out to me that he was cute, and I agreed.

Now, two years later, Guy is in my discussion group. And we have become friends. And now he likes me. And I..... like him

.

What to do??

Important notes:

1) I am the first one to say never let a guy come between a friendship.

2) I am also the first to say that if two girls like a guy, and the guy chooses one, that's HIS choice, not ours, and there's no sense being mad about it.

3) My friend, is a very optimistic, loving, caring, wants the best for everyone amazing girl. She WILL encourage me to be happy... even if she is jealous. But I'll maybe still feel guilty about it, knowing that...

4) My friend has also said to me on a regular basis that she's not interested in a relationship at this point in her life. (She was dating one of my friends last year and she broke up with him expressly for that purpose -- that she wanted to be independent).

5) I am friends with him now, we hang out and stuff... but she has never talked to this guy. She's seen him around school, made comments about thinking he's cute, etc. And maybe said hi to him once or twice in passing. (In otherwords, they know OF eachother, but they don't KNOW eachother.)

6) Regardless of the RATIONALITY behind it.... she still likes him, and me going for him (as logical and justified as I may think it is) will leave her feeling sorry for herself. And I don't want that.

6) I know I have to talk to her about it... I just don't know how to start that conversation, what to say, or what my goal in it should be.

whichwayisup · 2nd December 2006, 3:15 PM

Speak from your heart and be honest with her. Let her know how important your friendship is, but you really like this guy, and have been getting to know him quite well. Seeing as she's said she's not wanting a relationship in general right now and hasn't talk to him, kind of says that she isn't really "into" him. If she was, she would have made a move. Sorry to say this ,but she can't expect him (or you) not to move on if she just has a crush and isn't willing to act upon it.

Hopefully she'll understand, and not be too upset. And if she is, in a way she has noone to blame but herself (meaning because she hasn't made a move on him or really tried to get to know him.)

Question though, did you know she liked him before you started liking him? If so, this is what she is going to be upset about.

norajane · 2nd December 2006, 3:23 PM

Oh man, I had that happen, sort of! There was a guy in one of my lecture classes freshman year that I had spotted and thought was really cute. My friend and I named him the "gray sweater" guy, because the first day I spotted him, he had been wearing this really warm, wool gray sweater...

A couple months later, I met him in the dorm - turns out he was already dating our house student aide, both 3rd years!

I don't have any advice about how to bring it up - maybe just tell her that you want to tell her about a guy, but you're nervous to bring it up because it's someone you knew she used to have a crush on. She can't possibly be holding a torch for someone she's never talked to a whole two years later, not an undying passion, certainly!

meisje · 3rd December 2006, 1:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whichwayisup

Question though, did you know she liked him before you started liking him? If so, this is what she is going to be upset about.

Yeah... I did definitely know. We gazed at him from afar together in lecture hahaha.

And when I found out he was in my discussion class this year, I told her "hey, that guy you like is in my class!"... as if I somehow that was an important revelation.

But the more I got to know him, the more awesome i realized he is and he now apparently thinks the same of me. So I feel guilty about moving in on a guy I knew she liked... even though it was kind of by accident.

jenniferlm · 3rd December 2006, 5:52 AM

Aren't there other guys in this school that you'd like to date? I dunno. Doesn't seem like it would be worth causing trouble in a freindship. If this guy is the one for you, he'll still be around long after your friend finds a boyfriend or something and has moved on from her crush on him. I'd wait until she finds someone else to be with before I moved in on this guy.