Ok so where do I begin? I have been married for over a year and half and lets say that I have a "Special" relationship with the In Laws. My husband and I met in the military and are from two complete different worlds. He is from Arkansas and I was from Miami. So when it came to trying to find a place to settle he was really set on settling near his family because that is all he has known. I figured maybe that would be best because little country boy from a town less than 500 people might get stressed in a huge city. So I packed my bags said bye to my family and moved to Arkansas to be around his "Wonderful" family...
This wonderful family is just about the reason for any of our arguments. They live an hour away and we seem to have to make all the trips to see them. They only visit us when they are down in the "city" running errands. They drop in say hi and leave within an hour. This is the same family that my husband described as a close family? How is that? He wouldn't say anything until I start mentioning things. It really isn't his parents because they are indifferent with everyone and I don't put mind to it. However it bugs the living hell out of me when his siblings do awful things.
For instance, His sister lives 1 1/2 hours away from us and she had a real bad pregnancy. On my days off from work I would go to her place and stay the night so I can do all her work around the house since she was on bed rest. While the whole time there I would have to pull her teeth to have a conversation. Once I would leave she would call my husband to thank him. I thought I was there all night? Why is he getting called? If we go a while without seeing her she would call my husband and whine on how they haven't seen him in ever. (Even if they were in town the day before and called us after they left town).
Now his brother his TWIN brother is obviously upset about losing his other half. He also has the bad habit of visiting only we he has been in town all day and needs to use the facilities before heading back home. You can not say anything against this great brother because my husband gets upset. So I try to be civil. The twin and I don't see eye to eye because he is a grown man dating a 17 year old and thinks I am a "Bitch" (His own words) for not allowing him and he minor at my house. He is more than welcome to come by but I am a mother I will not have that in my house. But before the Minor incident my husband was called last minute to pack his bags and leave for a 2 month mission. Literally it was last minute (Less than 24 hours). We were in the middle of signing for a house and I have no family here to help with the moving. So he had ask his wonderful TWIN to help me move. I hadn't packed anything because I wanted to have the keys to the house before assuming that it was ours. So his Twin called me an hour after I signed and said that he would be in town in two days and he can move the stuff then. So I told him that I hadn't packed anything yet so I wasn't sure if he should waste his time for a box or so but I would call him and let him know if a got any futher in the packing worth making the trip for. So the day he called my husband to see if I was ready to move. This again? As if my phone doesn't work. My husband talked to me earlier and knew I wasn't so he told him maybe he can help me another day. Twin was all upset and complained how precious his time is. After I heard this, I called him I told him his services were no longer needed and I hired a moving company. (My husband is still upset about this, he says his brother would have helped) The entire time my husband was gone his family never looked for me.
Okay so Thanksgiving just passed. I was having Thanksgiving at my house, my mom and dad were coming in. We had plans with his side as well. His sister calls HIM 4 DAYS before Thanksgiving and says that they can't make it because they have a football game the next day they are going to... 4 days? Thanks now I have surplus in food. My husband doesn't understand why I am upset. So his sister is having a Christmas party and is dying to see us. I really don't want to go. Right now I am honestly drained with his siblings and to have alcohol around them isn't going to help. I would like for us not to go. It isn't even on Christmas, it is just there excuse to get together and get drunk. So I told him. He got all upset and thinks that I am being ridiculous. He also lectured me about already making plans with then about going and that we were going to stay there.... SO he decided he'd go anyway. He isn't upset so why should he not have fun? Are you serious? Aren't we one. Don't we have to do things we don't want to do sometimes to make the other happy? Why do I feel like I am being shafted?
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I don't like it when people just pop in without annoucing they are coming, so maybe that is why they don't drop in when they are in town. When was the last time that you invited them to your home. Maybe this is misunderstanding because you've never asked them to come?
My door is open to anyone anytime and I have made that clear. I come from a family where privacy doesn't exist. I feel if it is family do you really need a reason to stop by? Reasons are for people you barely know. Why should it be that we need to go up there to see there face but they only come to visit us when there's free drinks? Double Standard
the last time we invited them was for Thanksgiving the MIL and FIL don't leave their home at night, SIL cancelled because she was going to a football game Friday, and Twin was with his friends. ITS FRIGGIN THANKSGIVING! Before that we had a house warming party in October his sister showed up for like 2 hours and twin for 5 minutes. So I do invite... Maybe I am serving the wrong beer I dunno
Yeah its always sort of hard trying to ease into a family that is built in a different way then yours.
First of all your from a huge city, I spend lots of time in Miami as I'm from Tampa, so I know the city really well, and the people there.
Your husband is from BFE.
What about ethnically? Are you both Hispanic? If not that could be part of it as well.
My guy and me come from 2 totally different cultures and I gotta tell ya, its all I can do to keep from stabbing most of his family in the eye with a fork every time we have dinner. They decided they will hate me long before they ever met me.
My family on the other hand accepted him with open arms but my dad gets incredibly annoyed over little things my guy does, things to him that people just do, but my guy never thinks of them.
Its just different people raised in different ways and used to interacting with there family's in different ways.
Has your hubby tried talking to his family about making you feel welcome and taking it easy on you? Is anyone else in the family not from that town that you can sort of relate to?
Well I'm hispanic and he is white. I try not to think that that would be the reason they are too difficult. If I would think that way stuff would be real bad. We have gone to California where I met some of his normal family and if I had a choice we move over there if he really needs his family but for some reason he thinks this hell hole is worth sticking around. Seriously though I never thought that maybe they just had a judgement on me prior to meeting me, thanks for shedding that light.
no we are not I am from the islands (PR) and he is from well Arkansas some mix of german, irish, polish, a dash of Native American, a hint of some other stuff.
no we are not I am from the islands (PR) and he is from well Arkansas some mix of german, irish, polish, a dash of Native American, a hint of some other stuff.
yea but genetically you're both still caucasian. unless you have black ancestry
Quote:
Originally Posted by vluna00
And VULVA is so not my name it luna not vagina Thank you anyway
I am just trying to figure out why I am the bad one because I don't want to smile anymore. I hope it isn't a racial thing though because we can't help who we are.
My in-laws HATED me when my husband and I got married. These days though, I'm their favorite daughter-in-law. It's like I walk on water.
My husband's own mother will look my man in the face and say, "She's the only one who could've put up with you all these years".
It's like 'eating a bear', sweetie. One bite at a time.
The one action that you can take that will help you the MOST... is to always try and see the best in your in-laws. If you give them 'the benefit of the doubt' in any given situation, you'll find less reason to build resentments.
Your husband's people are only just people, like any others. Sometimes they'll be nice, sometimes they'll be naughty. But unlike others, ALWAYS they'll be special to him.
I'll be honest, when it comes to my MIL... my husband would have to climb over my dead body at this point to find fault with her. I decided early on that I would see the BEST in her, and I've never been disappointed. I think maybe that's because once she realized that I had her best interest at heart, she didn't feel threatened by me anymore. After awhile, she could SEE me as a person, and not a potential impediment to her son's happiness.
Anyway, I often find myself in the role of 'peacemaker' privately with my husband, reminding him that his parents and siblings love him... even though he's sometimes offended with them. It's weird.
I am just trying to figure out why I am the bad one because I don't want to smile anymore. I hope it isn't a racial thing though because we can't help who we are.
I doubt it's a racial thing in the sense that they are against you because you are Hispanic, but it could be a cultural thing. Meaning to you things that seem obvious to them are not and vice versa.
I'm telling you, I would NEVER just drop in on someone and stay for more than a couple minutes, even if they had said before that I could. I would suggest that you invite them up at a time that isn't a major holiday and see what happens.
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