I just slept with my best (female) friend when I was drunk.Its something thats been bubbling over for some time from both sides for the passt 9 months & it finally happened when it was her birthday party & my wife was out of town.

Problem is I'm married & have a kid. She knows my wife very well. My wife is currently on holiday but back tomorrow.

Her Ex was sleeping in the next room & so was a good friend of my wife who may have sussed out what was going on.

Will our friendship ever be the same? How do I prevent my wife finding out? I'm really worried & need some advice on next steps!

[norajane]

I doubt things will ever be the same. I guess a lot of it depends on what your friend's intentions were - has she contacted you to discuss this at all?

You might want to consider why you slept with her in the first place. You said this has been bubbling for a while. Why? This obviously does mean something to you, she obviously means something to you, so even if she doesn't say anything to your wife, you still need to deal with whatever this relationship is about.

You have some options. You can tell your wife before someone else does. You can keep this to yourself and end all contact with your friend. Or you can keep this to yourself and try to maintain a relationship with your friend - but you may be tempted to do it again, so I wouldn't recommend that!

[CardPlay3r]

Sounds to me that you don't really regret this, you just regret your wife might find out.

Well the only fair thing to do is tell her, you're already a cheater, no need to be a lying cheater.

[Mary3]

Don't blame the booze . YOU cheated because you wanted to....

I can't stand cheaters....How can you look your wife in the face after you scr*** the other woman ?

[VandGsMom]

If there was something "bubbling over" for 9 months, then it sounds like you were a cheater in your heart long before you were a cheater in the flesh.

So consider it 9 months of infidelity vs 1 night and do your wife a favor and tell her the truth.

I wouldn't want you back, but maybe you will get lucky and she will....

[socialight]

the important lesson others can learn from this is that everyone is weak at some point, and the best way to avoid ending up like this is to AVOID PUTTING YOURSELF IN THESE POSITIONS. I mean by that, don't go partying until dawn with single females when your wife or SO is out of town. Don't consistently stay late at work with your new hot secretary. Etc, all. Think ahead!

[LucreziaBorgia]

Originally Posted by Guest

1. Will our friendship ever be the same?
2. How do I prevent my wife finding out?
3. I'm really worried & need some advice on next steps!

1. No - you can't return to friendship, because you weren't friends to begin with. You were affair partners. You were having an emotional affair with her for 9 months before you sealed the deal. Friends is what you and your male buddies are. Potential lovers is what you and this girl were. Your best bet here is to cut your losses completely - cut off all contact with her, and I do mean all. If you must tell her that you are sorry, that it was a mistake and that you love your wife and do not want to lose your marriage - and that you and she cannot be friends. That will be a sticky one, because once you dump her she will no doubt grow a conscience after the fact and decide your wife needs to know.

2. You don't. Either your OW will tell her, or your W's friend who is on to you will tell her. You have no control over either. You have to decide here what is worse: your W hearing it from the OW/friend, or your W hearing it from you. Its just a matter of time now.

3. Tell your W before someone else does. Get STD testing before getting intimate with your W again - the last thing you want to do is add insult to injury by passing on something venereal to her. Offer to go to counseling - anything that shows her that you do not want to further damage your marriage. Sit down with your W and write a 'no contact' letter to the OW and send it. You will have an uphill battle, but hopefully with time, effort and no contact with this OW you'll be able to repair some of the damage you have done.

[CardPlay3r]

Also, if you don't love your wife anymore that you can be completely satisfied being with just her, break it up rather than both staying unhappy in a pretend happy marriage.

[Mary3]

If I were your wife I would tell you to get out and never come back.

You better tell your wife what you did before your Mistress does....It will be far worse if your loving wife ( whom you do NOT deserve ) founds out on her own.