After much working on my M and still not really feeling like I've made any headway in getting my H to listen and really do what he says he is going to do, I've decided to move out and file for divorce. I can't believe a thing he says, I've caught him in several outright lies even recently. Is there another OW? I'm not sure. He lied before whats to keep him from lying to me again. I tried working on the trust issues I have but it is too difficult when I keep on catching him in new ones all the time. Add to it the fact that he makes making love seem like a function instead of a pleasure. I'm tired of the lying, tired of not feeling like I'm loved and definately tired of feeling like a darn doormat. No more for me. This isn't what it should feel like. This wasn't a snap decision on my behalf. I'm just not happy. It seems like once the trust and bond is broken it's just over. I'm 45, I weigh about 90lbs. I try to keep myself fit and looking good and I do have a positive attitude but I'm not putting myself through this anymore. It's gone, baby, gone!
__________________ "What does not kill me, makes me that much stronger" ~Justice~
I hope you don't have any reason to ever regret your decision. You can regret the marriage and the outcome but you should feel good about what you've decided to do.
Without trust there is no relationship.
As you already should know, 45 is not old by any means. In fact, I firmly believe that life begins at 50. I know mine did some years after divorce.
So, good for you!
__________________
"Well, I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it."
I'm worried you might be pushing him away to protect yourself, even if he isn't having an affair. I have been guilty of that many times over. What I learned was that trust is a commitment on both sides, and it takes time to rebuild that afer infidelity. It's not going to be straight just after seven months. Its hard even at 18 months (where I am now.) The key is communicate your fears (and wants) now, before you file and dont wait for it to happen on its own.
Anyway, I'm sorry you are hurting, justice. Peace.
Thanks Dear. I don't think it's that. It's his lack of genuine concern for what I'm feeling and his inability to return the love that I once had for him freely and openly. I'm just done with being lied to even when it's basically stuff that means nothing, even more when it is over something that is important. It's also the fact that for five whole years I've always had to share him with someone else and him considering them and their wants, needs and feelings over mine. I'm just done. But thank you for your kind words of advice. They are more appreciated than you will know. ~Justice~
I do feel good about my decision, what's more I feel justified. I couldn't agree with you more about without trust there is no relationship. I've known in my heart this has been coming on now for a long time. It was in the acceptance of that truth and the acknowledgement of it that I was finally set free so to speak. Thanks I really do appreciate your thoughts and your wishes. ~Justice~
After much working on my M and still not really feeling like I've made any headway in getting my H to listen and really do what he says he is going to do, I've decided to move out and file for divorce. I can't believe a thing he says, I've caught him in several outright lies even recently. Is there another OW? I'm not sure. He lied before whats to keep him from lying to me again. I tried working on the trust issues I have but it is too difficult when I keep on catching him in new ones all the time. Add to it the fact that he makes making love seem like a function instead of a pleasure. I'm tired of the lying, tired of not feeling like I'm loved and definately tired of feeling like a darn doormat. No more for me. This isn't what it should feel like. This wasn't a snap decision on my behalf. I'm just not happy. It seems like once the trust and bond is broken it's just over. I'm 45, I weigh about 90lbs. I try to keep myself fit and looking good and I do have a positive attitude but I'm not putting myself through this anymore. It's gone, baby, gone!
Good for you...sounds like he's just not willing and/or able to do what it takes to rebuild that trust...NOT a good sign. I don't blame you..Take care of yourself. I know what it's like to lose all of that weight. That happened to me for the first year after D day...I lost 45lbs and had to go into treatment for an eating disorder...It can be devastating, toxic and physically and emotionally DRAIN the life from you. You sound strong and confident in your decision. Don't look back and enjoy reclaiming your identity and strength...Good luck
__________________
I am not a marriage expert!
Blessings
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