I cannot begin to describe to you the incredible amount of anxiety coursing through my body at this moment. I've been through many odd and trying situations with girls, but I've never been faced with anything as troubling as this.
I'm a model for Tommy Hilfiger and thus I come across many beautiful women more than eager to begin a relationship with me. But I'm rather selective. Beauty is only skin deep, and more often than not I find myself intensly attracted to women who most would not consider SUPER AMAZINGLY DROP DEAD GORGEOUS-esque.
In any case, I met this girl who had a boyfriend of 7 years. (you may remember me talking about this in previous threads, but it is irrevelent) We fell madly in love with each other, in a way that I have never experienced before. I've thought about dropping the "Will you marry me?" to this girl so many times.
Her boyfriend lives far away, several states away. About a month ago she left him because of her increasingly apparent feelings for me. However, shortly after she began having doubts. She decided it would be best to wait until he visited her here for thanksgiving to decide how she felt about him.
So he came here and stayed with her for Thanksgiving (hes still here now, he leaves tomorrow). She texts me every now and then. I don't initiate any contact, I let her get in touch with me. During the entire past few days she called me once, and that was yesterday...when her boyfriend had left somewhere.
Most of you are inclined to tell me that she is not worth it and that I should move on. However, I have exasperated that option and after much deliberation and vigilance on the matter, I've decided that I could never just move on and forget about her. There's too much at risk if I just throw her aside.
About 20 minutes ago I had a fit of intense desire to speak to her, and I called her. She did not pick up. I assume its because he is with her and she doesn't want to offend him (he knows about me). The problem I have with this is that when I am with her and he calls, she leaves the room and answers him.
I'm at a loss as to what I should do. When he leaves, I'm wondering if they will have gotten back together. I wonder if they will decide not to get back together. And if they don't what should I do? What if she asks for more time?
I'm looking for advice on what it is I should do to completely make her want me. Do I just do N/C...randomly?
You are treading on dangerous ground, and it's probably going to get worse. She is probably dragging her boyfriend and you through the mud because she is confused, and selfish as well. She has a longer history with him, and and there is a good chance that she will stay with him should he decide to stay with her.
Consider if the tables were turned, and this was your long term girlfriend or wife and she was doing this with another man. I bet if you were in that position you be furious, hurt, dissapointed and destroyed.
Think about it, the feelings you're having are temporary and when reality sets in reality will surface.
Well shes choosing between the two of you, take a minute and step back. Shes telling you to wait and see what happens with the other guy...she has nothing atall to lose. If he leaves, she has you, if you leave, she has him. If i were you, break all contact, and dont talk with her until she is done with the other man.
Also 7 years is a long time , just imagine being the other guy ....
it seems like you're panicking right now, that which could end up playing against you. You are in love with her, she knows this, she has feelings for you but she's trying to figure out what's going on with her boyfriend, that which, given they've been together 7 years, actually sounds only fair.
until he leaves and you hear from her, there is no way you can figure out what's going on. Or what it means that she didn't pick up the phone.
it seems like you're panicking right now, that which could end up playing against you. You are in love with her, she knows this, she has feelings for you but she's trying to figure out what's going on with her boyfriend, that which, given they've been together 7 years, actually sounds only fair.
until he leaves and you hear from her, there is no way you can figure out what's going on. Or what it means that she didn't pick up the phone.
do whatever you can to calm down. go to the gym.
good luck!
No doubt I'm panicking. What to do after I hear from her and she tells me any number of things?
No contact man. Until shes done. Don't answer your phone. Don't make her think your waiting for her every call. Just break contact until the day he leaves. When she asks you why you didn't answer, tell her you were just giving her space. She has to feel like you are gone to make her realize how she truly feels.
The only thing you can do is give her space.
If she's troubled and trying to make a decision, you'll be in a better position if you play a tiny game of hard to get.
7 Years is a long time to be with someone. The residual feelings will inevitably linger for a while. Be careful with your feelings. I'm not saying it could never work- I've known people who hooked up and stayed together after one left a long term relationship. But I am suggesting you guard your heart. After my seven year relationship, it took me a very long time to actually fall in love again.
Just let her have some closure with her ex. She really needs to do that in order to be emotionally available to you. This may take a little time. So in the meantime- no pressure, keep things light, and let her come to you.
Your situation totally sucks and I am sorry you have to go through this. Having said all that and with all due respect, your gonna have to man up and go no contact at least until the holidays. The reasonI say this is that the holidays are just going to cause nostalgia for this young lady and her b/f and you will be devestated waiting around thinking about what they are doing.
My humble suggestion to you Mr. Tommy Model is that you immediatley go no contact and go and have a great time with all these women you spoke about in your post. You don't have to sleep with them, just hang out with them and boost your ego back up (do you know how many of us would love to have that opportunity within our reach during the next month and a half????). Meanwhile, this girl will have the necessary space from you in order to sort out whatever it is she is feeling.
Then when the smoke and emotions clear from the holidays, you will be more confident, the nostalgia with B/F will have subsided and then if YOU want to allow her to contact you then by all means go ahead. Who knows, maybe by then you won't feel the same. At the very least you won't be in limbo.
Your situation totally sucks and I am sorry you have to go through this. Having said all that and with all due respect, your gonna have to man up and go no contact at least until the holidays. The reasonI say this is that the holidays are just going to cause nostalgia for this young lady and her b/f and you will be devestated waiting around thinking about what they are doing.
My humble suggestion to you Mr. Tommy Model is that you immediatley go no contact and go and have a great time with all these women you spoke about in your post. You don't have to sleep with them, just hang out with them and boost your ego back up (do you know how many of us would love to have that opportunity within our reach during the next month and a half????). Meanwhile, this girl will have the necessary space from you in order to sort out whatever it is she is feeling.
Then when the smoke and emotions clear from the holidays, you will be more confident, the nostalgia with B/F will have subsided and then if YOU want to allow her to contact you then by all means go ahead. Who knows, maybe by then you won't feel the same. At the very least you won't be in limbo.
If I leave now, while its apparant we both want each other, that means her only option will be her boyfriend. Doesn't that make him a little less desireable if he becomes her only option. Won't it make me more desireable because I'm no longer an option?
If I put her away for a little while with "I can't see you right now, let me know when you are emotionally available, see you around."
Won't that be putting her lights out while at the same time leaving the door open for the future? Possibly the near future of 4 or 5 months?
Just hung up with her. It took a while to ask her but i did. And she didn't say much, she kept humming and saying "I feel alot better now" over and over again. So I kept making forward remarks and statements until she finally said, "He said we can't be in a relationship right now, it would have been nice if he would have forgiven me though, but I'm okay with it now" It took me a while to think about this, but basically that implies that she WANTED to get back together with him.....and he turned HER down. I had no idea that her intentions were to get back with him, but now hes rejected her.
Makes me so angry, this means the last few weeks or so she's spent with me...were also spent trying to win her Ex back.
Look, if she was that into you she would have left him for you before now. It seems to me like she finds you attractive, but doesn't consider you serious relationship material, so she's unwilling to make a bigger commitment. Sure, if she was single you'd have a whale of a time for 6 months. But since Mr 7 years is in the picture, she doesn't want to screw that up just for a brief little fling.
So, now she's been (rightly) dumped you might be able to get some action, but ask yourself - do you really want to be Mr Fallback Guy? When her boyfriend calls her back in a few months (which he almost certainly will), asking for another chance, do you think she's going to stick by you?
More to the point, why are you wanting a serious relationship with a confused, indecisive, evasive, lying two-timing woman like this? As you've said, she's not even that hot. I like the other guy's suggestion - forget her for a while, go out and play the field. Then you might realise there are *better* women than this one, not just in looks but more importantly in character and honesty. You are far more likely to be happy with someone like that than with a cheater. After all, if she cheated on him with you, she can cheat on you with the next guy.
Look, if she was that into you she would have left him for you before now. It seems to me like she finds you attractive, but doesn't consider you serious relationship material, so she's unwilling to make a bigger commitment. Sure, if she was single you'd have a whale of a time for 6 months. But since Mr 7 years is in the picture, she doesn't want to screw that up just for a brief little fling.
So, now she's been (rightly) dumped you might be able to get some action, but ask yourself - do you really want to be Mr Fallback Guy? When her boyfriend calls her back in a few months (which he almost certainly will), asking for another chance, do you think she's going to stick by you?
More to the point, why are you wanting a serious relationship with a confused, indecisive, evasive, lying two-timing woman like this? As you've said, she's not even that hot. I like the other guy's suggestion - forget her for a while, go out and play the field. Then you might realise there are *better* women than this one, not just in looks but more importantly in character and honesty. You are far more likely to be happy with someone like that than with a cheater. After all, if she cheated on him with you, she can cheat on you with the next guy.
I know but its so hard to think of her as a bad person. Shes so pleasant and mature on all other accounts.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Immense emotional pain, please help me.
Linear Mode
