I have been married for almost 14 years to an emotionally abusive man , who doesn't want to except it , he also has A.D.D.(anxiety depression disorder) which he takes medicine for I have fought with everything I have to keep our marriage togeather, but realize now that I have never felt truly loved by him and have never been happy with our marriage ,for most of it I was consumed with my babies and alone i stayed every now and then trying to ask him for what i needed only to be told i don't deserve to feel or want , because he was working and paying the bills he was the only one worthy of anything . I have become after many years of self healing and counceling become strong and independent , something that i believe has destroyed our marriage , because being the controlling person he is he can not handle me not needing him , it all began 4 years ago when I went to work , he hated the fact that i had and talked to other people in my life ,and made it very difficult for me to go so much that i was forced to quit, I could do nothing but was expected to do for him what ever was asked , I WAS SOOO ALONE ....i went into a deep depression , and it was the hardest time in my life , I wasn't sure if i was going to survive it, to make things worse I found out he was seeing someone and it was 6 months into it when i found out , I don't trust him, have no respect for him , and can't love him anymore , but I am afraid to say I want a divorce, because of what he might do ,cosidering what he has done over little things that have come up in our marriage, I don't know if i will be able to handle it, he is very minipulative and has every one believing he is the victim i fear what will happen to my family and how far he will go to keep control over me and my girls . All i want is to be happy . How do I deal with someone like this ? Currently we are seperated if you can call it that ,he still comes here everyday (the more I ask him not to call or come here the more he does) and says

he is waiting for me to wake up and realize that no one can love me better . He almost expects it. oh yeah I just found out he was involved with some one else , he says "well i was lonely , and needed a friend" I don't know how to get out ??? help me please....

[Tony T]

You have been in a bad marriage for many years. You are the only one that can get out. Make whatever arrangements you can make and just leave. You only have one life to live and it sounds like you have been unhappy for a good chunk of your life with this man.

See an attorney who will advise you of the obligations your husband will have to you financially upon a divorce. Take action. If you continue to remain in this situation, you are just screwing up the only life you will ever have.

I don't know what you are looking for in your post except encouragement. So I hereby encourage you to get away from your present circumstances.

I have been married for almost 14 years to an emotionally abusive man , who doesn't want to except it , he also has A.D.D.(anxiety depression disorder) which he takes medicine for I have fought with everything I have to keep our marriage togeather, but realize now that I have never felt truly loved by him and have never been happy with our marriage ,for most of it I was consumed with my babies and alone i stayed every now and then trying to ask him for what i needed only to be told i don't deserve to feel or want , because he was working and paying the bills he was the only one worthy of anything . I have become after many years of self healing and counceling become strong and independent , something that i believe has destroyed our marriage , because being the controlling person he is he can not handle me not needing him , it all began 4 years ago when I went to work , he hated the fact that i had and talked to other people in my life ,and made it very difficult for me to go so much that i was forced to quit, I could do nothing but was expected to do for him what ever was asked , I WAS SOOO ALONE ....i went into a deep depression , and it was the hardest time in my life , I wasn't sure if i was going to survive it, to make things worse I found out he was seeing someone and it was 6 months into it when i found out , I don't trust him, have no respect for him , and can't love him anymore , but I am afraid to say I want a divorce, because of what he might do ,cosidering what he has done over little things that have come up in our marriage, I don't know if i will be able to handle it, he is very minipulative and has every one believing he is the victim i fear what will happen to my family and how far he will go to keep control over me and my girls . All i want is to be happy . How do I deal with someone like this ? Currently we are seperated if you can call it that ,he still comes here everyday (the more I ask him not to call or come here the more he does) and says he is waiting for me to wake up and realize that no one can love me better . He almost expects it. oh yeah I just found out he was involved with some one else , he says "well i was lonely , and needed a friend" I don't know how to get out ??? help me please....

Well if you have been in the relationship that long and it doesn't look like it's gonna get any better than if I was you i'd get out and say see you later and then when he is all alone and sad then he will remember that he had a good woman but now that he wanted to controll you it's too late cause you have moved on to bigger and better things.....

well of course thats just my thought on that one....