I want my ex-girlfriend back...

[pjammer]

Me and my girlfriend were dating for 8 months. Things were great, and we both told each other that we had never felt this way or been best friends w/ a gf/bf before. I did some stupid things to push her feelings away - I didnt tell her the whole truth about some things, and sometimes I could be arrogant or annoying to others when she was around me, which I know she didnt like. I didnt cheat or do anything physical. It was nothing I did on purpose or to hurt her. I just made some mistakes that I know are not in my nature, and I want to show her the real me again, and that I have grown-up and changed for the best.

 

She broke up with me about 5 weeks ago. I sent her flowers, letters, etc. I know that I shouldnt have done this, but thats in the past. Her friend told me she just wants to be alone right now, so Ive decided to leave her alone for a month. I know I love her and it hurts me that I didnt tell her that before all of this happened.

 

But I know that I love her, and that she is the one for me. I could just see it every time I looked into her eyes and saw her face. When I saw her, I saw me.

 

One thing that may affect this is that she IS older than me - Im 23, she's 31. But I am not so sure this had anything to do with it because she wouldnt have stuck with me for 8 months if she didnt think we could be for each other.

 

I am willing to give her space, and around the beginning of December, I will contact her again, ask her to just go out and have a friendly date. Any advice on how to show her that I am better than I was before? How I have changed, and how we can be even stronger than we were before?

 

Anyone have any advice? Thanks...

[Guest]

I wish yu were my ex bf..we were together 9 months but started to fight constantly about little things, even though we were deeply in love he broke up with me because he was so stressed out about the whole thing..and all i want is him back...but i don't know if that will happen...give her some time, a month is good..people respond to NO CONTACT...call her and ask her on a date to discuss things..tell her there is no pressure..you just miss he alot..

if she agrees discuss where you went wrong and what active steps you are doing right now to better yourself ...and don't lie about it start doing it..

i wish all guys were like you..if you are sincere with her she just may come around..best of luck

[Guest]

I wish yu were my ex bf..we were together 9 months but started to fight constantly about little things, even though we were deeply in love he broke up with me because he was so stressed out about the whole thing..and all i want is him back...but i don't know if that will happen...give her some time, a month is good..people respond to NO CONTACT...call her and ask her on a date to discuss things..tell her there is no pressure..you just miss her alot..

if she agrees discuss where you went wrong and what active steps you are doing right now to better yourself ...and don't lie about it start doing it..

i wish all guys were like you..if you are sincere with her she just may come around..best of luck

 

thanks for the advice...And I am completely sincere about all of this. I am just angry at myself for taking her and our relationship for granted. It wasn't that I lied to her - I just didn't tell her the whole truth about some things (which I guess IS lying). Up until about 2 weeks ago, I called her every few days and sent her emails. She didn't respond. That is how I knew to leave her alone for a while. But I just miss her so much, and I know that I would do nothing EVER again to hurt her because she has been hurt in the past, and has gone through a LOT in life - more than anyone should, especially at 31.

 

So are you saying that after a month I should give her a call? What if she still doesn't answer? And are you sure I should even bring up the past if she agrees to see me? Wouldn't it be better to just talk about what is going on now in our lives?

[pjammer]

I wish yu were my ex bf..we were together 9 months but started to fight constantly about little things, even though we were deeply in love he broke up with me because he was so stressed out about the whole thing..and all i want is him back...but i don't know if that will happen...give her some time, a month is good..people respond to NO CONTACT...call her and ask her on a date to discuss things..tell her there is no pressure..you just miss her alot..

if she agrees discuss where you went wrong and what active steps you are doing right now to better yourself ...and don't lie about it start doing it..

i wish all guys were like you..if you are sincere with her she just may come around..best of luck

thanks for the advice...And I am completely sincere about all of this. I am just angry at myself for taking her and our relationship for granted. It wasnt that I lied to her - I just didnt tell her the whole truth about some things (which I guess IS lying). Up until about 2 weeks ago, I called her every few days and sent her emails. She didnt respond. That is how I knew to leave her alone for a while. But I just miss her so much, and I know that I would do nothing EVER again to hurt her because she has been hurt in the past, and has gone through a LOT in life - more than anyone should, especially at 31.

 

So are you saying that after a month I should give her a call? What if she still doesnt answer? And are you sure I should even bring up the past if she agrees to see me? Wouldnt it be better to just talk about what is going on now in our lives?

[pjammer]

In the past 2 days, Ive written a poem for her, made her a CD of songs we loved together, and compiled a 'scrapbook' of things we did together that made us both happy. I dont know whether to send it to her now, or wait until a month is up. Im guessing the ladder...

[Guest]

I cannot say why she s ignoring you all this time due to the fact that I don't know what you said in the first place to upset her. But this I know what ever you told her made a bad impression on her also she might of experienced this before therefore knowing the outcome. I don't know you but I am sure you love this girl after nine 8 month and she probably loves you too. I do think that people deserve another chance we all do we are not perfect therefore we would not be human. Deciding on to forgiving you depends on her as a person her family values and views in life.

 

My personal opinion is if she cannot reedem her self to forgive you and take you back then she is not a good person inside. And frankly imagine if your having problems now what other problems are you going to have later on if you decide to get married to her if she cannot open up to you then there is nothing there. Because in relation ship you will have up and downs disappointments and arguments.

 

If you do decide to get married to a girl like this just know that you might stand a chance of getting divorced and loosing big even your kids. Girls like that think hey are perfect and they would never get anywhere. you are young and there is plenty of girls out there that are better than that. You want someone in your life you can talk to because is all about communication when your having problems and if the other person does not understand then there is nothing there. Good luck man............

[pjammer]

I cannot say why she s ignoring you all this time due to the fact that I don't know what you said in the first place to upset her. But this I know what ever you told her made a bad impression on her also she might of experienced this before therefore knowing the outcome. I don't know you but I am sure you love this girl after nine 8 month and she probably loves you too. I do think that people deserve another chance we all do we are not perfect therefore we would not be human. Deciding on to forgiving you depends on her as a person her family values and views in life.

 

My personal opinion is if she cannot reedem her self to forgive you and take you back then she is not a good person inside. And frankly imagine if your having problems now what other problems are you going to have later on if you decide to get married to her if she cannot open up to you then there is nothing there. Because in relation ship you will have up and downs disappointments and arguments.

 

If you do decide to get married to a girl like this just know that you might stand a chance of getting divorced and loosing big even your kids. Girls like that think hey are perfect and they would never get anywhere. you are young and there is plenty of girls out there that are better than that. You want someone in your life you can talk to because is all about communication when your having problems and if the other person does not understand then there is nothing there. Good luck man............

I appreciate the advice. But I do not blame her here. If she had done what I did, I would be upset too. I dont know if I would have broken up with her (because I am an extremely forgiving person), but I would have made her prove that she loved me. I just want the opportunity to make things right again, to show her how much I really do care, beacuse I dont think I showed it enough. I just hope she gives me the chance to prove myself, and to show that I am better than what I did.

 

You are right, everyone is human, and we all make mistakes. Mine, I didnt tell her the whole truth about some things, and I took our relationship for granted. I just want her to know I would NEVER, EVER do that again, and that I would cherish every second that we would spend together in the future.

[pjammer]

I wrote this in about an hour - it just came to me. I have never written a girl a poem before, but this is the poem I want to send her along with a scrapook Ive made up with all of the things we did together...plx let me know what you think:

 

As the leaves of Autumn fall

I hear a voice inside me call

"I can't give up this love I feel

for you, I know it's something real"

 

I dream of you all day and night

Believing that we'll reunite

I know you don't quite feel the same

And for that, you, I do not blame

 

I've made mistakes, I have my flaws

I can't ignore them all because

I've never felt this way before

Or let me love open the door

 

To a person that I hold so dear

Expressed my care, hopes, and fears

Understood her past, plain and true

In order to start something new

 

I would walk a thousand miles

Just to see your face and smile

To gaze into your beautiful eyes

Brush your hair from side to side

 

Without you, I'm just a guy

One who was lonely and one who lied

I can't take back the things I've done

But I've grown up and learned a ton

 

I want you to open up and see

The honest person inside of me

I realize this may be tough

But my love for you, I haven't shown enough

 

I miss you in so many ways

My love for you will never fade

I want to end this witless strife

Regain your trust, and have you back in my life

[theadventure50120]

I sent my ex a poem , but mine was a week after the break up when i was going crazy...it made things worse.

 

SO before you send it , think hard what it will do. What will happen after it etc.

 

You don't want to come off as desperate or crazy.

[miss snoopy]

Yeah I sent my ex a card a few days after he left, apologising for my behaviour, thanking him for what he did when we were together and telling him how I felt about him (which I rarely did when we were together) He has so far ignored it. I'm not sure I regret it, only time will tell, but I thought I should at least aplogise even though I wasn't 100% in the wrong.

 

So think carefully about how you'd feel if she ignores your poem.

[pjammer]

Well right now im past the 'going crazy' mode. I am still extremely upset, but I am doing things for myself - improving myself, working out, working, going out, etc. Like I said before, im doing the NC for a month. I dont know if I should send this before, or AFTER a month is up. I am guessing i should send it after, because that would be contact nonetheless. It is just so hard for me to hold back my feelings for her. I want her to know exactly how I feel, and I am sure she already does know. But it is just so damn hard to hold these things in for me because I want to be open with her, and I want to know how she is feeling too. I guess I have to just give it time...

[pjammer]

Yeah I sent my ex a card a few days after he left, apologising for my behaviour, thanking him for what he did when we were together and telling him how I felt about him (which I rarely did when we were together) He has so far ignored it. I'm not sure I regret it, only time will tell, but I thought I should at least aplogise even though I wasn't 100% in the wrong.

 

So think carefully about how you'd feel if she ignores your poem.

yea, that would probably just make me more upset if she completely ignored it. I think I am going to give it a full month of NC before doing anything. I will just keep the book and poem in a box in my closet until the time comes.

[pjammer]

Personally, I dont know how people can completely ignore things you do for them, even after a break-up (unless you cheated on them or did physical things to them). I know I wouldnt want to ignore them, because I am a forgiving person in nature. I would want to know what they are feeling, how they changed, and what they are doing to better themself. But that's just me...

[pjammer]

I sent my ex a poem , but mine was a week after the break up when i was going crazy...it made things worse.

 

SO before you send it , think hard what it will do. What will happen after it etc.

 

You don't want to come off as desperate or crazy.

Well everything I have told her is from the heart. I am just so ashamed of myself for NOT telling her exactly how I felt, and that I loved her, while we were together. I dont know why, maybe I was a little scared. I have never told a girl I loved them ebfore, because I wanted to mean it when I said it. Well, now that I finally found someone I do love, I didnt have the balls to tell her until she broke up with me. If she never gives me another chance, I dont know how I can forgive myself for not opening up to her, and telling her exactly how I felt about her.

[daphne]

You sound a lot like my ex. My opinion is that the age difference will probably prove too difficult, even if you do get back together. She's used to guys who don't make the kind of unfortunate inexperienced mistakes you make, and it will be a sticking point.

 

I would go 60 days, not 30. You need to heal and let her miss you. 30 days isn't enough to do this. And she will miss you. Whenever you do make contact again, don't give her the poem. You can't use the mush to manipulate her. She won't buy it. You'll have to show her with actions and if you get her back, then lay the mush on her. You're committing the cardinal sin of men everywhere. Trying to use mush to prove you've changed. We're not stupid. You don't change overnight. As a matter of fact, most people don't change period. That's why poems and flowers don't work to get women back. We know it's a lie.

 

I know it hurts right now to be rejected. That's part of why you want her back so much. It's human nature to want what we can't have. I would just take from the situation what I need to learn to do it better next time. I'll be honest. I don't know that your ex will come back. I can really relate to what she's feeling due to my own experience with a younger guy who lied to me. She probably feels like there's no reason to invest in someone when there's no future. Not giving her what she needed emotionally is why she probably feels there's no future. And the lying thing is extremely selfish and she won't forget that any time soon.

 

Take care of yourself and try to heal for now. You'll have time later to see if anything's changed.

[pjammer]

You sound a lot like my ex. My opinion is that the age difference will probably prove too difficult, even if you do get back together. She's used to guys who don't make the kind of unfortunate inexperienced mistakes you make, and it will be a sticking point.

 

I would go 60 days, not 30. You need to heal and let her miss you. 30 days isn't enough to do this. And she will miss you. Whenever you do make contact again, don't give her the poem. You can't use the mush to manipulate her. She won't buy it. You'll have to show her with actions and if you get her back, then lay the mush on her. You're committing the cardinal sin of men everywhere. Trying to use mush to prove you've changed. We're not stupid. You don't change overnight. As a matter of fact, most people don't change period. That's why poems and flowers don't work to get women back. We know it's a lie.

 

I know it hurts right now to be rejected. That's part of why you want her back so much. It's human nature to want what we can't have. I would just take from the situation what I need to learn to do it better next time. I'll be honest. I don't know that your ex will come back. I can really relate to what she's feeling due to my own experience with a younger guy who lied to me. She probably feels like there's no reason to invest in someone when there's no future. Not giving her what she needed emotionally is why she probably feels there's no future. And the lying thing is extremely selfish and she won't forget that any time soon.

 

Take care of yourself and try to heal for now. You'll have time later to see if anything's changed.

I understand what you are saying...but as for the age difference, it was never a problem while we were together. We always joked about it, but we really didnt think anything of it. But then again, I dont know what she's thinking right now, so who am I to say. And you're probably right about the poem - even though it is completely from the heart, and it is not a "get back with me" poem, it is probably better to hold off on that for now. But as for the lying, I am not a chronic liar. I didnt tell her the truth about a 'big' thing, but I didnt straight up lie to her. I know it is still wrong, and deceitfull, but I know that I am better than that, and I just want her to see that in me.

 

But how do I know if she misses me at all? I havent seen any signs of it because, at first, I would email her and send her letters/flowers, and she didnt respond. Now, I know that I cant continue to do that if I want to get her back. But not knowing how she feels is killing me right now. She just started something new at work, and I was so encouraging and backed her up completely with it. And I wanted to share it with her and congratulate her, but I no longer have that chance. And I dont know if I can hold out until the new year to contact her again...

[Rooster_DAR]

I wrote this in about an hour - it just came to me. I have never written a girl a poem before, but this is the poem I want to send her along with a scrapook Ive made up with all of the things we did together...plx let me know what you think:

 

As the leaves of Autumn fall

I hear a voice inside me call

"I can't give up this love I feel

for you, I know it's something real"

 

I dream of you all day and night

Believing that we'll reunite

I know you don't quite feel the same

And for that, you, I do not blame

 

I've made mistakes, I have my flaws

I can't ignore them all because

I've never felt this way before

Or let me love open the door

 

To a person that I hold so dear

Expressed my care, hopes, and fears

Understood her past, plain and true

In order to start something new

 

I would walk a thousand miles

Just to see your face and smile

To gaze into your beautiful eyes

Brush your hair from side to side

 

Without you, I'm just a guy

One who was lonely and one who lied

I can't take back the things I've done

But I've grown up and learned a ton

 

I want you to open up and see

The honest person inside of me

I realize this may be tough

But my love for you, I haven't shown enough

 

I miss you in so many ways

My love for you will never fade

I want to end this witless strife

Regain your trust, and have you back in my life

 

This kind of thing works in movies and romance novels, rarely in real life. The best thing you can do is get over the person and move on with yourself unless you want to continue to grovel in misery. If there is any chance of reconcilation, you need to take care of you. Trust me on this, I've been there and done that more than my share of times. You may also want to read into this more on the website before considering to believe me or not, just thought I would throw my 2 cents in.

 

Regards,

[daphne]

Pj,

 

You may have never really felt that there was an age issue, but in the back of her mind she's probably thinking a few things. She's thinking it's possible you're not mature enough to make it long term and she's at an age where she can't really have flings anymore. It's time to think of the future. She's also thinking that even if you did go long term you might leave her for someone younger at some point. If she's a very attractive female, this fear will invariably mess with her ego. And of course she's thinking whether you're really good material for a relationship.

 

My ex wasn't a chronic liar either but he lied several times to get what he wanted. I would never have gone out with him had he told me in the first place what his plans were. Then he kept on reeling me back in with the same lie and I'd find out about the lie all over again. I don't trust him at all anymore. Stick to the truth. Ommission is still lying and it still breaks trust. It's pretty hard to get it back.

 

Just relax and take time out. In time she will miss you and will possibly be more open to seeing you. But you have to really understand what you did wrong and fix it. Words aren't going to work.

[pjammer]

Pj,

 

You may have never really felt that there was an age issue, but in the back of her mind she's probably thinking a few things. She's thinking it's possible you're not mature enough to make it long term and she's at an age where she can't really have flings anymore. It's time to think of the future. She's also thinking that even if you did go long term you might leave her for someone younger at some point. If she's a very attractive female, this fear will invariably mess with her ego. And of course she's thinking whether you're really good material for a relationship.

 

My ex wasn't a chronic liar either but he lied several times to get what he wanted. I would never have gone out with him had he told me in the first place what his plans were. Then he kept on reeling me back in with the same lie and I'd find out about the lie all over again. I don't trust him at all anymore. Stick to the truth. Ommission is still lying and it still breaks trust. It's pretty hard to get it back.

 

Just relax and take time out. In time she will miss you and will possibly be more open to seeing you. But you have to really understand what you did wrong and fix it. Words aren't going to work.

Trust me, I know EXACTLY what I did wrong, and I have already become dedicated to fixing it. Ive been talking to a doc just to get my feelings up in the air and to help me with my problems, and she agreed that I should not talk with her for about a month, and see where we are at after that.

 

I know what I did wrong, and I want to make that up to her by showing her I improved myself. This was not some fling, atleast I dont think she feels that way. She said I was her first boyfriend to even meet her family, to go on a trip with her, and first to do many of the good things that I did for her. I am just baffled that she wont talk to me right now after she told me all of these things while we were going out. It is just really upsetting to me. I really treated her well, and I admit that I made some mistakes. A lot of guys would continue to lie, make excuses, and even talk bad about her if she dumped them - I am not doing any of them. I know I was wrong, but I just want the opportunity to make things right again...

[pjammer]

Each day is SO hard to not talk to her. I get the urge to pick up the phone and atleast leave her a message, or send her a text message. I am trying to do things to get my mind off of it (working out every day, playing tennis, working), but I just can't help it. I think about her all day long...

[daphne]

PJ,

 

I admire the fact that you're working on things with a counselor. Not a lot of guys would do this. I think everyone at some point should do this for their relationships since we all get it wrong at some point or another, usually do to much baggage.

 

I know it's hard, but you have a good plan. Work on yourself, give her space and see how things work later. It's also a good time to work on regaining your confidence and your sense of self. You can't possibly get her back if you don't feel good about yourself or if you appear depressed. We are all drawn to magnetic, happy people. Work on that too. Not for her but for you.

 

No matter the outcome, you can only gain from this experience. You seem self aware enough to learn where a lot of people wouldn't.

 

hang in there. You will feel better. Try to have fun to take your mind off of her.

[pjammer]

PJ,

 

I admire the fact that you're working on things with a counselor. Not a lot of guys would do this. I think everyone at some point should do this for their relationships since we all get it wrong at some point or another, usually do to much baggage.

 

I know it's hard, but you have a good plan. Work on yourself, give her space and see how things work later. It's also a good time to work on regaining your confidence and your sense of self. You can't possibly get her back if you don't feel good about yourself or if you appear depressed. We are all drawn to magnetic, happy people. Work on that too. Not for her but for you.

 

No matter the outcome, you can only gain from this experience. You seem self aware enough to learn where a lot of people wouldn't.

 

hang in there. You will feel better. Try to have fun to take your mind off of her.

Thanks Daphne,

 

Trust me, I know probably 95% of guys wouldnt even consider going to see a 'shrink' about their problems, and at first I didnt either. My parents brought up the idea because they saw how upset I was over this. They had seen me after my 2 prvious relationships, and to be honest, I was indifferent about them - that is because I WAS NOT in love. Now I know what love feels like, and I cant give up on that. But I know I have to do what is best for ME right now, and, eventually, hope that she will see the good in me again...

[Rooster_DAR]

Thanks Daphne,

 

Trust me, I know probably 95% of guys wouldnt even consider going to see a 'shrink' about their problems, and at first I didnt either. My parents brought up the idea because they saw how upset I was over this. They had seen me after my 2 prvious relationships, and to be honest, I was indifferent about them - that is because I WAS NOT in love. Now I know what love feels like, and I cant give up on that. But I know I have to do what is best for ME right now, and, eventually, hope that she will see the good in me again...

 

Wow, if that's true we are a rarity. I've been in counseling every since my breakup and have not stopped.

[pjammer]

Wow, if that's true we are a rarity. I've been in counseling every since my breakup and have not stopped.

Every single one of my friends have either 1) been through a pretty tough break-ups, or 2) Have other problems that they WOULD need counseling about, and none have even considered it. Even my therapist said that she thought I was a strong person to see her because of my problems going on lately.

 

Also, I posted this before, and was wondering if anyone could enlighten to ask to what you think she meant by it: When she broke up with me, she said that "She can't predict the future, and that we might reconnect later on." Anyone have any idea as to what she may have meant by this? Because usually in a break-up, from what I have heard and been around, neither person says anything like this. Usually, it is just, we're broken-up, move on. I THINK it is just her way of saying that she still cares about me, and.....I dont know. Any ideas?

[Rooster_DAR]

Every single one of my friends have either 1) been through a pretty tough break-ups, or 2) Have other problems that they WOULD need counseling about, and none have even considered it. Even my therapist said that she thought I was a strong person to see her because of my problems going on lately.

 

Also, I posted this before, and was wondering if anyone could enlighten to ask to what you think she meant by it: When she broke up with me, she said that "She can't predict the future, and that we might reconnect later on." Anyone have any idea as to what she may have meant by this? Because usually in a break-up, from what I have heard and been around, neither person says anything like this. Usually, it is just, we're broken-up, move on. I THINK it is just her way of saying that she still cares about me, and.....I dont know. Any ideas?

 

Funny you should mention that, my EX said the same thing. She kept saying "You never know what the future may hold", and I heard that quite often. Now after the 3 months N/C she want me back, but she is still in a relationship with this other guy. I think people that are in affairs and cheating use this kind of trick to keep their EX hanging on just in case. In fact, I am very sure of it.