I feel so drained, tired and wanting some alone time. Even using some of my vacation time from work today and staying home to recharge myself.
I spent another wonderful weekend with my new BF. He stayed over at my house Saturday & Sunday night. Left this morning early for his hour ride home, and then to his job.
Last night, I just felt so drained emotionally, and I didn't want to be hugged, or kissed, or whatever anymore. I got kinda moody and bitchy.
He ended up going bed before me. By the time, I got to bed, he was sleeping.
I DO really like this guy. I like being with him. I can see myself married to him one day. If I screw what we have up, I will never forgive myself.
So, why am I feeling so drained by the end of each weekend I spend with him?? By Sunday, his steady hugs, snuggles, and kisses just make me want to be alone more.
BUT, hey that's what people do in new relationships. They can't get enough of each other. He's normal, I am not.
He's not doing anything wrong. Never feel like he's being intrusive in my home...he's easy to have around and we are already burping and passing gas around each other. Haha! He puts the toilet seat down for me, also. And isn't a 'yes hon' sort of a guy. He's a man's man.
For the record, I have NO plans of dumping him. None at all. I would never forgive myself for allowing this man to walk out of my life. He is so perfect for me.
I have what I've always wanted starring me in the face right now, I should be happy!! So..why do I feel so drained and fighting for my alone time??
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So, why am I feeling so drained by the end of each weekend I spend with him?? By Sunday, his steady hugs, snuggles, and kisses just make me want to be alone more.
he's smothering you....he must have "nice guy" syndrome...
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Originally Posted by luvtoto
BUT, hey that's what people do in new relationships. They can't get enough of each other.
not necessarily....I don't do that. There may be a bit more attention in the first 3 or 4 months but never to extent of smothering. I usually see someone new only once or twice per week for the first 3 months anyways.
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Originally Posted by luvtoto
So..why do I feel so drained and fighting for my alone time??
I think the guy isn't for you and you have a gut hunch about it so you create the feelings to distance yourself..
Recently I was in a relationship that on paper was perfect..
She had a great job.. her own house.. she was hot..I really liked her kids and enjoyed every minute I spent with her..
We had great sex and were compatibale on so many levels..
But she wasn't what I was looking for for me to be happy. I wanted and needed some things that she couldn't give me and she also had a few things in baggage that I didn't want..
Like an ExH that lived next door and would walk into her house anytime he wanted. and many other things.. I want kids.. She didn't..
On paper is one thing but in real practice she didn't hold up.. over time I distanced myself and wound up breaking up with her because I wanted to be happy..
I think this is the same in your case too
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Alpha, if it comes down to me not being interested in this guy, I will kick my own ass 20 times!!.
I have met and known many men who would be described as "a Man's man" but when push comes to shove they don't know that they need to be 1) very patient, and 2) not desperate....when it comes to women.
I have a strong feeling that I am into him, though. I actually opened up to him Saturday night. Which is not like me! Haha. That was significant.
I told him about how I was feeling. He said that being having wall up is just the abuse that I've experienced in my life. He told me to just relax. He wasn't going anywhere.
Another thing, A_C, he's not a whimpy nice guy. When I was being moody & bitchy around him, he got up and left the room and went to bed. He wasn't gonna just take it.
So, my only defense is communication. But, how can I communicate what I don't know. I don't even know what I am feeling half the time.
Another thing, A_C, he's not a whimpy nice guy. When I was being moody & bitchy around him, he got up and left the room and went to bed. He wasn't gonna just take it.
ha ha h ahah haaa....he went to bed. poor little nice guy could not take it anymore. I would have split, went back to my place and waited for you to call and apoligize, even if it took 4 weeks...
Maybe it's too much too soon for you. Didn't you have a similar problem with another guy recently, where he was all about giving you lots and lots of attention and you felt smothered and became uninterested in him? Is this a pattern for you with boyfriends?
I'd suggest spending less time together so you have your breathing space.
The combination of being there for your kids all the time, plus now being around a guy all the time can definitely be draining, especially when you just started seeing this guy. You haven't slowly and incrementally added him to your life - suddenly, he's around all the time - it's a big change that came very quickly.
Maybe it's too much too soon for you. Didn't you have a similar problem with another guy recently, where he was all about giving you lots and lots of attention and you felt smothered and became uninterested in him? Is this a pattern for you with boyfriends?
Yes, this is a pattern with me. I am wanting desperately to break it. Especially now, with him.
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I'd suggest spending less time together so you have your breathing space.
We only spend two days out the week together. Plus, we have minimized our calling time already to two nights a week. I should be satisfied with that.
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The combination of being there for your kids all the time, plus now being around a guy all the time can definitely be draining, especially when you just started seeing this guy. You haven't slowly and incrementally added him to your life - suddenly, he's around all the time - it's a big change that came very quickly.
How much slower can I go with him? Should I cut down to just seeing him two weekends out of the month? If I did that, he would lose interest in me, and think I wasn't interested in him that much.
If I did that, he would lose interest in me, and think I wasn't interested in him that much.
truthfully.. maybe the answer is in your own words..
you have already cut it back to the point your are worried that if you cut it back anymore he will think you aren't interested..
Maybe you really aren't interested in him but interested in having someone that can be some comfort to you.
Keep it as staus quo right now and see how the relationship forms.. you can change overnight and maybe you feel will differently as time goes by.. nothing wrong with going slowly.
Last edited by Art_Critic; 6th November 2006 at 3:34 PM..
Are you that way with people in general? Is it possible that you're an introvert in that you need space because being with people depletes you? If that's the case, then you need to explain that to the BF and figure out how to get some space time for yourself every day even when you're in a relationship.
Yes, this is a pattern with me. I am wanting desperately to break it. Especially now, with him.
We only spend two days out the week together. Plus, we have minimized our calling time already to two nights a week. I should be satisfied with that.
How much slower can I go with him? Should I cut down to just seeing him two weekends out of the month? If I did that, he would lose interest in me, and think I wasn't interested in him that much.
Maybe you shouldn't have it be such a pattern - calls two nights a week, visits two days a week. Maybe one week there's only one call, another week there's a call and one day visit, the next week a two day visit, then maybe a one day visit, maybe a week with no visits...make it more random, rather than so predictable?
The other thing - and you may get angry with me, but I'm going to say it - is that the kids are also draining to your energy and emotional alone time. I know you adore them and they are your life, but consider they might be contributing to your suffocated feeling when combined with a boyfriend too. Perhaps you could make a serious effort to find a sitter so you can go out alone sometime - no kids and no boyfriend - just you doing something for yourself, even if it's just a walk in the park or whatever.
Are you that way with people in general? Is it possible that you're an introvert in that you need space because being with people depletes you? If that's the case, then you need to explain that to the BF and figure out how to get some space time for yourself every day even when you're in a relationship.
Yes, that's it, Outcast! But, why do people exhaust me so much?? I am absolutely LOVING my day off today.
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