[crystal01b]

Okay well her is the situation my boyfriend of over a year broke up with me approximately a week ago. We didn't have the best relationship and broke up a number of times during. Once we broke up for this final time however I realized that I am in love with him and want to be with him. During our relationship we did talk about getting married etc. He used to be married and has been divorced for 2 years now. The only thing is recently he found out a girl at his work thought he was cute. She is 33 and has a child, I am only 23 and he is 26. Well he told me that he would never want anything to do with her because he wasn't interested in her in that way but could be friends with her. This was only a few days before we broke up and only four days after he went on a date with her and talks on the phone with her constantly. He tells me that he doesn't want a relationship with her and just wants to be friends but doesn't know where it may go he also told me he could see himself sleeping with her and kissing her. The only problem was he wanted to keep me around as a friend with the idea that we may get back together. He told me he is just not emotionally here right now. I have finally realized that my ex is not emotionally available. I have made the decision to not talk to him and see if that may affect our relationship at all, because before I was trying to keep in contact. The only thing is I don't want this girl to get strung along either. My ex isn't emotionally there and can't be and she really likes him and wants to start a relationship with him and I know that this isn't something he would do or even be able to do right now because the way he is. He told me he would never get married to her and that is something she is eventually looking for. What should I do? Is it a good idea that I keep no contact for awhile and see what happens?

[closeau]

Hi there,

This is tough, because you realize that you love him, but honestly I think you are being used.

The fact that you have broken up several times before is also telling, but I'm not sure if either of you dated others during your past times apart.

In anycase, I would consider several things:

1) Saying he is emotionally unavailable is probably a sign that he is not interested (hmmm...some similarities to my own post...).

2) He is using you by remaining friends in case something else doesn't work out - or at least that is your suspicion. You have been together on and off for a couple of years; and I would say trust your intuition.

3) You have broken up several times before; do you really want to remain on this emotional roller coaster?

4) Have you considered the possibility that you are in love with the idea of staying in a relationship that is comfortable and familiar, as opposed to REALLY being in love with him. Not saying that you are, but it is worth considering.

My advice is to leave the relationship, take the time to heal, and then get out there and meet new people. It will be very painful in the beginning, but could play massive dividens down the road. at 24 you don't need this strtess in your life - wait until you are my age

Best of luck with your decision.

Closeau