[amsantos6]

Yea, yea so I know everyone's reaction is "Don't do **** for her" but I feel (perhaps like all of us) that my situation is somehow special, so here it is:

For my ex and I, it was our first serious relationship and for both of us, our first love. Everything was pretty awesome for the 2 and half years we dated, minus 6 weeks we were broken up last year because she got really needy and would lash out at me when I wasn't up to her standards. In any case, I was/am hopelessly in love with this girl because I overinvested my own emotions and thought she was the end all/be all.

We broke up this summer because she's never dated anyone else and wants to see if the grass is greener, and I understand that. I just graduated college; she has a year left, and she doesn't want to miss out on having one year of being single and having fun (we started dating when she was a freshman and she was and always has been shy/not a wildchild girl like some of those types). I understand it, but it hurts of course.

We talked sporadically after we broke up until early September when I told her I didn't want to be friends with her and that we shouldn't talk (without this forum I don't know that I would've had the balls and confidence that I was doing the right thing to go NC so THANKS to everyone). Since then, I've seen her once and was pleasant but pretty much blew her off. I wanted her to feel the loss of the relationship in hopes it would/will make her realize the grass isn't greener.

Long story short, her birthday is next week, and while we're not talking, I know that she cares about me a lot, and I obviously still care about her. The breakup wasn't ugly, we didn't fight, no one cheated, it was just circumstantial it seems. So I'm wondering if I should acknowledge her birthday. I would feel kind of like a dick doing nothing, but ultimately I want to do what's most likely to make her come back, and also what's best for my own well-being.

I've always been the nice guy (nice guys finish last I know), and so my initial thought was to send her a card saying "all the best" and nothing else, hoping to play the nice guy card and make her sentimental, and so that she appreciates that I don't hold anything against her. My friend thinks this is too much, but that I should do something; her suggestion was to post a casual note on her facebook wall.

So I open it up to you; fellow heartbroken, to impart to me some wisdom on the matter. Please share.

Thanks.

[BannaBee57]

I posted a "Happy Birthday" message on my ex's myspace along with a quick "congrats" about a work project. He didn't message back. Not even a "thanks", so I was a tad upset about it.

If you won't be upset about her not responding (if she doesn't) then I think I would go ahead and do it. Some people will disagree but I think it would get her thinking a little.

Good Luck.

[amsantos6]

I'm not too worried about her responding. She called me a few weeks ago after my dog died and I didn't call her back. I would imagine she's not trying to let me blow her off again.

But I wouldn't mind it getting her thinking. Thanks Bee. Other thoughts from people?

[simon_uk]

I wrestled with the idea two weeks ago, when it was my ex's birthday. The good folks here convinced me not to send anything. I may have missed a golden opportunity to reconeect with her, I dont know.

From past experience when I have sent cards to an ex I was pretty cut up that I didnt get any kind of acknowledgement. I was chaecking my phone days after her birthday.

I am glad I stayed strong this time and didnt send a card.

it is up to you man, do what you will but in my humble opinion you are giving your power away to her if you do send a card.

[iceman44]

My man I am in the exact same situation.My girlfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago.I havent spoken to her, we didnt have a fight.Her birthday is on Nov 14, and my friends said I shouldnt call her.I will not give her a card though, because she broke up with me.Dude, if you want to call and wish he a happy birthday and do it, but no card or gift.I think I will call my ex for her birthday, but I wont give her a card or gift. Good luck dude and let us know what happened.

[mrbeantown]

I , like most of us, know how you feel. I wouldnt do anything I know it will be hard, but think about it.
she didnt care about your feelings when she broke it off and
She is probably expecting you to contact her on her bday and might devestated if you didnt. You need to have the upper hand if you want her to miss you, regret it or whatever you have to do NC for a while. buy her a card just dont give it to her. message the card like you normally would, than if she calls you asking why you didnt say Happy Birthday tell you got her a card and you didnt feel right calling her. Ask her if you can give her the card in person ( I suggest meeting her after work). If she says no than leave it at that and give it to her if and when you see her again!! Good luck