It has come to my attention that a single (unattractive, but with a hgh-paying job) female has been making a play for my husband of 29 years. We live in a small town & she attaches herself to his side at bars in private clubs even when I am present. He does nothing to discourage her, but I feel she must be getting some form of encouragement because this has been going on at least a year. He tells me I am low on self esteem if I could be jealous of her, but her PDAs are making me physically sick. Our children are grown, but I am mostly dependent on him financially. I still only want to be with him, but I want her out of the picture now! What would Dr. Laura say? Miss Kitty

[Tony T]

Since your husband seems unwilling to discourage this, I would just flat embarass her the next time she does this by bringing it to her attention in front of everybody and letting her know her behavior is not acceptable. That will show her and your husband that you are just not going to put up with this.

Warn your husband in advance that you are going to do this so he fully understands and won't be caught offguard. Put him on notice that you aren't going to tolerate this.

No matter how long you have been married, it is not excuse for your husband to disrespect your wishes or your marriage and it's no reason for him to allow some sleezebag to flirt with him in front of you. Your husband should have already told her to stay away from him.

Also tell you husband it has nothing to do with low self esteem on your part. It has mostly to do with common decensy, courtesy and respect.

Definintely speak to both of them and tell them how uncomfortable this behavior makes you. You can do it in a nice way, like, "I love my husband so much, that even though I know it doesn't mean anything, when I see you snuggling up to him, it really hurts. Please understand how I feel about this."

It has to do with self-esteem. The fact that you won't put up with this shows you have high self esteem (the reverse of what your husband claims). Let her get her own husband to cuddle up to!

Since your husband seems unwilling to discourage this, I would just flat embarass her the next time she does this by bringing it to her attention in front of everybody and letting her know her behavior is not acceptable. That will show her and your husband that you are just not going to put up with this. Warn your husband in advance that you are going to do this so he fully understands and won't be caught offguard. Put him on notice that you aren't going to tolerate this. No matter how long you have been married, it is not excuse for your husband to disrespect your wishes or your marriage and it's no reason for him to allow some sleezebag to flirt with him in front of you. Your husband should have already told her to stay away from him. Also tell you husband it has nothing to do with low self esteem on your part. It has mostly to do with common decensy, courtesy and respect.

Definintely speak to both of them and tell them how uncomfortable this behavior makes you. You can do it in a nice way, like, "I love my husband so much, that even though I know it doesn't mean anything, when I see you snuggling up to him, it really hurts. Please understand how I feel about this." It has to do with self-esteem. The fact that you won't put up with this shows you have high self esteem (the reverse of what your husband claims). Let her get her own husband to cuddle up to!

Thank you for your reassurances. Basically, this is what I alredy did Sat. nite after the latest episode, but I also called her at noon Sun. to remind her that I gave her the same message 6 months ago. I know she repeats this behavior whenever she is at the same place my husband is & I am not there because a friend of mine told me one of her male friends at the club that I am not a member of & she is had assumed SHE was his wife until he met me. My husband refuses to discuss her which just makes me more suspicious. I had tried to even befriend her in the past because she is so unattractive I pitied her. Her best friend has been having an affair with a married man & I wonder if she is trying to keep up. Our daughters are appalled over this situation & really despise this woman.

Tell you husband that he has you and two children to consider here. he has no right to disregard your feelings in this situation. tell him this woman is treating your marriage and you with disrespect and that is why you are so annoyed by her.

all he has to simply do is say to this lady, "look, you are a nice person (hmmmm), but please do not make my wife uncomfortable by hanging off me. do not push the friendship".

i also think you should try and confirm these suspicions you are having. as far as i'm concerned, your husband should be decent enough to listen to these fears. if you honestly have nothing to fear, then he should be going out of his way to reassure you. and the fact is, whose feelings are more important - this lonely, insecure, disrespectful lady's, or yours, his wifes?

i think this horribly lady is the one with self-esteem issues. i think is she is one of those people who are so insecure that the thought of possibly snaring a married man, or getting attention from one, makes her feel better. she would love to think that a man would prefer her over his wife. but i think she's going to (if she hasn't already) make herself look like the biggest fool.

tell your husband if he won't consider your feelings and try to understand why it bothers you, then there has to be some serious re-evaluation of your marriage. sometimes people need a jolt to wake up to themselves. i think he is being highly unfair on you, and if i knew him, i'd give him a piece of my mind.

i think he does not have the guts to maybe hurt this lady's feelings, but he needs to wake up and realise that he's hurting yours instead. where are his priorities?

maybe another option would be to get one of your male friends to tell her she's crossing the line and no one is impressed with her behaviour. maybe if she can see that from a male point of view, she is making herself even more unattractive, she might wake up to herself.

oh, and this woman? she makes me want to puke!