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one morning
One morning I rolled over in bed and she was sitting up brushing her hair, looking in the mirror, a lost look in her eyes. I started to wonder, why had she just changed? Everything seemed so extreme now – no more teamwork, just one way of doing everything.
She kept asking me where I was going if I was simply out to the store or to fill the BBQ tank, and always wanted me to eat dinner with her – like she needed me to be around at certain times.
She seemed to always pick up whenever we did things together. And when I would tell her how great it was that she was in my life. You value yourself only when you feel valued by others, she would smile at me and then go on the computer.
When I met her she had a huge debt but she would never tell me how much –even when we set up a way to pay it down that didn’t seem to please her. She was always buying something online. She was always online. She had a computer years before me and she knew her way around webville.
I had noticed a change in her voice, it didn’t sound like her, and everyone once in a while, like a curtain falling, I would see that old look in her eyes, then it was gone again. I couldn’t figure out why she kept clinging to that one relationship in her past, the abusive, volatile one – and I had tried to take her mind off it thru support and love but it was like she always wanted to know where he was, what he was doing.
She often spoke of not having a real mother, but, I had met her mom and so I was confused and whenever I asked her, she would just say “I had no mother, she abandoned me. Then nothing.”
At the beginning of the relationship, she was so full of life and talked openly about everything – Right From The Start. Then after she got this new job, one I helped her get, it was like her behavior and mood changed – her level of passion just turned off. She would get these really great marks, A- at school and be disappointed and I would say ‘WOW – I never got above C+”
I remember one evening I was mowing the lawn, the kids playing hoops and she pulled up in her car and she just sat there in the drivers seat for what seemed like forever and then she opened the door and got out.
She looked all pale and I asked her if everything was ok and she said she felt a pain in her back and was feeling kinda empty. I knew she had been working really hard with school and the new job so I had been taking care of lots of the stuff around the house, and I was starting to get overwhelmed.
It was around this time I started getting seriously depressed but I didn’t know it at the time, and she would cry at night and tell me ‘I can’t let this happen again. I’m really scared. “ I really had no idea what was happening, I just held her and I felt like it was me that was making her sad.
I told her to rest and I made supper for everyone and made sure she had a blanket and sat next to her watching tv.
I noticed that she was so still, like I could here the gears grinding in her mind. And she turned to me, with sad eyes, and said you know I really do adore you handsome. And she put her head on my shoulder. I kissed her forehead and we sat there quietly, then in an instant she got up and said she had to go to the store to by some smokes. And I asked her to pick up some milk, and she turned to look at me, withj eyes I had never seen before. She said, “I’ll think about it.” Then she left and I haven’t seen her since. I searched for 4 months, nothing. I am still baffled. What could have happened?
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