[spinningmywheels]

Hello all:

I haven't been on here in a while but I need some guidance. I'm at a heartbreaking point in my LDR - things can go either way right now.

We're together 7 yrs in Dec., been LDR (about 2 hrs apart) for 3 yrs. We're both around 30 yrs old.

I love him tons. He says he loves me, wants to marry me and raise a family. I do all the heavy lifting in terms of us seeing each other, making plans, etc.

He's a workaholic. Nothing else comes first. He last took a day off in JUNE. And no, he's not saving every dime for an engagement ring or a down payment or other big purchase.

He doesn't do what he says he's going to do. Big or small, doesn't seem to matter.

This part, I really don't think is malicious - I think he just literally ALWAYS puts work first. But these things happen over the span of months, and it's frustrating as hell. Especially when he finds plenty of time to check his myspace page or IM/talk/Text with all of his work related people, ad naseum.

In Feb. our sex life took a dive and it hasn't really recovered;
In Aug. I caught him in a relatively minor bedroom related lie (not cheating or involving another person, but enough to damage my trust in the sex-arena). I also found him viewing Internet porn - which hurt and confused me since I beg regularly for us to see each other more but nothing ever changes...

He says he's stopped with the porn. I don't know how much to believe him.

I've made it very clear many times what the isssues are, he agrees, says things need to change. We keep having the same talk but nothing happens.

Five days ago I told him that I'm weeks away from ending things if things don't change. He says all the right things - he sounds like he wants the relationship.

We have a vacation scheduled for the week after Thanksgiving - due to my financial constraints, he's supposed to book it. It's been at least 5 months and October is nearly gone, nothing's booked.

We switched birth control recently, we agreed to get tested for STDs, I went, he hasn't. Again, it's been 5 months. I've offered to go with him, to help if there's a problem. He's said no - and actively campaigned to have unprotected sex with me anyway (which I won't do) which is why I'm fed up with waiting for him to go.

If either the vacation or the STD test doesn't happen by Thanksgiving, I feel like things are done. These are things we've talked about AT LENGTH - but I haven't said it quite as explicitly to him as I did in the previous sentence.

My question is, should I spell it out for him that much? Most of me feels like I have to then there's really no hope here for the future....