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Well, if you have read some of my threads you'll know that my life is pretty much out order right now.
Well, it's comfortable to me but I know something is wrong.
First I don't have any income, I don't have a partner (that went to hell), I am alone with my 16 yr old son, I'm spending a lot of money, I've been gaining weight lately, and I miss my parents.
So! Every year I go to South America for Christmas. This year I wasn't going to go because I'm not working.
But I was thinking, what if I put all of my stuff in a storage for some five months or so, and go live in my parent's house for free. That way I get to spend time with my parents (I'm doing nothing here), save the 1,000 a month rent, and I'll get reassurance and support and lose weight as well, as I do when I visit my parents. Plus, they live in a nice house.
My son is about to get kicked out of HS because he is irresponsible so maybe going there for some time at this age will do him good. He speaks perfect Spanish and gets along well with the kids over there.
What do you guys think? (I still have to ask my parents). I think it's a great idea! The problem is how do I come back?
(Btw, my son said I didn't know what I was talking about or some)
Ariadne
I wouldn't even know where to start in telling you how much of a bad idea I think this is for you. It's SO bad on so many levels.
For one thing, how do you even know your parents want their grown daughter and her teenage son back home living with them. Hell, if I were done raising my kids I know I certainly wouldn't! But that just may be me.
Secondly, I don't think it will work out. I don't care how much you love your parents and they love you, they will expect certain things of you that you may not be able to deliver now. You will lose all respect for yourself and revert back to being a child.
You have to pick yourself up on your OWN. You're a strong woman..don't turn into a little girl. Where's your self-respect?
And you have WAY more control over your son than you think..you just have chosen to not exercise it. That's a failure as a parent. Where's his father in all this? Get him involved. Insist on it!
I could go on and on...it's just a very bad idea all the way around. And in your heart, I think you know it. You just have this whole idealized and romantic view of how it will be...trust me when I say that the cozy little scene you have in mind is nowhere near...I mean NOWHERE near what the reality will be.
Well, I think my parents wouldn't mind because my brother just moved out of there at 33. Plus, since we live so far away they miss us. I still have to ask them, but my mom said the doors of their house were open once.
But yes, have me there as bum I don't think they are going to like. I thought if I bought my food sometimes.. (since I'll still have my money).
And my son, he's been late for school and they don't like that. He was doing his work alright. His father lives in Las Vegas and was never too involved, other than vacations that my son goes there.
Well, I think my parents wouldn't mind because my brother just moved out of there at 33. Plus, since we live so far away they miss us. I still have to ask them, but my mom said the doors of their house were open once.
Americans who have never lived in another culture tend to extrapolate what goes on here to the rest of the world. Many outside cultures are much more family oriented than in the US. You can go to many countries and see four generations living under one roof, its not uncommon. Americans cannot even begin to understand this.
Hi,
I just had to comment. I am Latin and I know about the whole extended family thing, however, I also know that you can't just expect them to take care of you. If your family of money then maybe they can take care of you, however for most people on Latin American being fed is a struggle. I think that they would be more than glad to see you whatever the case.
I must be honest though that my concern is your son. I have no kids of my own, but I am a teacher, in all honesty if you are going through a period of instability I can practicaly gaurantee you that your son is undergoing the same thing. If you rip him from his friends and the culture that he has grown up in and come to love in the states then he will resent you for a long time and make things even more diffucult for all of you. I think that you need to sit down with him, be honest, but be a kind adult and don't burden him with your woes. Figure out what is best for you as a family and what he wants to do and is good for him as well as you.
Lucky? I guess that's a matter of perspective whether he was really lucky or not. Did they help him or do him a disservice? It certainly is debatable isn't it?
And I agree with Curls. You're focus should be on your son and what's best for him. Running away is not the answer. You and his dad need to come together and lay down the law as far as what you expect from him.
Americans can certainly understand the idea of an extended family..but what we can't understand is the idea that a grown adult is willing to have their parents take care of them and their children...no, thank god, we Americans DON'T understand or accept that behavior as the norm.
Americans could stand to learn a little from other cultures.
Ariadne, it won't be good for your son to be ripped away from his friends and his school. You need to stay and help him deal with his issues. How can he get into college without finishing his American schooling?
It's a temptation, when life is rough, to want to take the easy way out, to turn back into a little kid and have somebody else take care of you. But you can't. You're a grownup now, your son is the 'little kid', and you have to get your act together for his sake. When he's off to school in a couple of years, if you still badly want to go see your folks, you could do it then.
If your family of money then maybe they can take care of you, however for most people on Latin American being fed is a struggle.
Well, they are ok. But my father already retired so they are living on their retirement now. But I'll bring my own money, it'd be just for a roof. But they have a big house and my brother just left.
If you rip him from his friends and the culture that he has grown up in and come to love in the states then he will resent you
Well, my son is having trouble in school so I think he'll be dismissed. Other than that he just plays the World of Warcraft all day so he can do that over there. He doesn't see the friends anymore.
Plus my parents are very nice to him and pamper him, make him his favorite foods, and he makes friends there easy since we go every year.
But yes, he is not happy about going. He is against it. Why don't you get a job he says.
You're focus should be on your son and what's best for him. Running away is not the answer.
Yeah, I'd be running away a little more.
You and his dad need to come together and lay down the law as far as what you expect from him.
Well, I just let him decide what he wants to do basically. I know, it's my discipline method since he is three.
the idea that a grown adult is willing to have their parents take care of them and their children...no, thank god
They'll probably freak out . And I'm afraid I'll end up in a fight with them like it happened the last time I went to live there (because my mother wanted to discipline my son, but he is big now).
It's a disaster waiting to happen. I know it. And I guess you might just be too late in acting like a parent to your son. You just have to hope for the best now. Your time to really step up to the plate has passed.
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They'll probably freak out . And I'm afraid I'll end up in a fight with them like it happened the last time I went to live there
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Moving back with my parents
alphamale
. And I'm afraid I'll end up in a fight with them like it happened the last time I went to live there (because my mother wanted to discipline my son, but he is big now).
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