[freakygal78]

I know this is probably not appropriate as I'm currently trying to get over a MM but a thought occurred to me today - I know there are exceptions to the rule but do you think that perhaps a large percentage of us are drama addicts and just get off on the fact that we have a secret and are sneaking around with someone not available in an innappropriate manner? I had a good long think about it today and remembered back to my teenage years where I had to have bfs on the sly because my parents didn't approve of me dating anyone till i was 18. I just wondered whether this is what set a precedent for me becoming attached to someone unavailable and getting a thrill when they responded in the way we wanted or else seduced us into feeling this way. I'm not looking for justification as I know it is wrong and feelings happen regardless of marital status but it's just an idea - are we women who thrive on the excitement of being involved in something secretive and taboo? I'm sure it's something we'd have to address for ourselves but it's just a thought.

[PoshPrincess]

Originally Posted by freakygal78

I know this is probably not appropriate as I'm currently trying to get over a MM but a thought occurred to me today - I know there are exceptions to the rule but do you think that perhaps a large percentage of us are drama addicts and just get off on the fact that we have a secret and are sneaking around with someone not available in an innappropriate manner? I had a good long think about it today and remembered back to my teenage years where I had to have bfs on the sly because my parents didn't approve of me dating anyone till i was 18. I just wondered whether this is what set a precedent for me becoming attached to someone unavailable and getting a thrill when they responded in the way we wanted or else seduced us into feeling this way. I'm not looking for justification as I know it is wrong and feelings happen regardless of marital status but it's just an idea - are we women who thrive on the excitement of being involved in something secretive and taboo? I'm sure it's something we'd have to address for ourselves but it's just a thought.

Good point, FreakyGal, and something that has crossed my mind many times. It does make you wonder, doesn't it?

In my early 20s I had a few relationships with unavailable men and it was exciting, plus I think subconsciously I was a total commitment-phobe. Maybe when meeting my MM after the split of an 8 year relationship the same thing was in the back of my mind. However, this time it feels totally different. I was never in love before. This time I hated the sneaking around and didn't like the lack of commitment either. Once we had fallen in love, I wanted my MM exclusively but felt bad for the hurt I was causing his family (yeah, I know, shouldn't have done it in the first place!) whereas previously I honestly never gave a s**t! Plus this time I care enough about my now ex-MM to let go and let him live his life without me no matter how much I'm hurting. When I was younger I would've been doing anything in my power to get him back, however stalker-ish it might have seemed! Saying that, maybe now I have just grown up a bit and have a little more pride!

[ConfusedLover]

Hi Freakygal,

From my experience, I don't think it is because of the secretive nature of the relationship. For me it was purely the thrill of being chased and the kick that I was being found attractive at my age by someone younger to me. Gave me an ego boost....and I must say he was an excellent seducer..really knew to play the game and I fell for it like 9 pins.

Also, don't we all want something that is unavailable, appropriate or otherwise. MM wanted me when I was unavailable (not interested in him) and then I wanted him when he became unavailable (lost interest in me).

[freakygal78]

Yeah I guess I more meant unavailable as in previously engaged in a another relationship. If someone is available - I can't see how it is inappropriate?
I'm currently in an age gap relationship with a SG guy 7 years my junior - I guess I had reservations because of this factor but then I remember well gee, at least I CAN be with him at least HE isn't already married and then I think well I can't really think of a good reason not to be with someone unless they are married - if not for moral reasons well then only because it is problematic and I found out the hard way by having to leave my job recently but this is a subject of another thread.

[Joelle]

Interesting point, Freakygal.

[lovernotafighter]

Originally Posted by ConfusedLover

Hi Freakygal,

Also, don't we all want something that is unavailable, appropriate or otherwise. MM wanted me when I was unavailable (not interested in him) and then I wanted him when he became unavailable (lost interest in me).

yes, I believe this had so much to do with my situation.. I think allot of my draw to my MM is he is even more aloof and subdued than my self and us both being uninterested and unavailable I think drew me in allot.

my MM even while claiming he was in love with me was quite distant at times..the last couple of days he has been explaining why and it is bizarre..but it doesn't change that when he keeps me at arms length and vis a versa that either of us try harder.