I have been married for 5 years now. I have 3 children, 1 from a previous relationship. Lately all I seem to think about is divorcing my husband. He is so selfish. I always see these sellfish men but the second they become a father they seem to change, but for some reason that never happened with my husband. His priorities are so messed up.

It also doesn't help that his best friend is at our house all weekend from the time I get out of bed until after I go back to bed. The thing that really pushed me over the edge was this past Sunday when I came home from a walk with my friend to find my husband and his friend sitting at the table eating dinner. I couldn't believe he was eating dinner without me, and to make things worse he didn't even feed the kids.

He never spends anytime with the kids and when he does give them the time of day it seems so fake I don't know why he bothers. The only time he ever treats me like a wife is when he wants sex which at this point I have no interest in with him. He just doesnt' seem to have any respect for me and it almost seems like he doesn't want a family. I don't know how much longer I can live like this and am afraid if something doesn't change soon I will leave him. I love him but it's almost to the point that there is nothing left to save.

[Leikela]

Have you considered family counseling? Your husband obviously has some issues that he is not discussing with you. If you do not get some kind of help, I'm afraid things are just going to get worse.

[whichwayisup]

You owe it to your kids to work this out, or atleast try to. TALK TO HIM! And I don't mean throwing accusations at him and making him feel guilty. I mean, sit and talk, tell him how much he is hurting you, the marriage and the children. Point out to him that it's just wrong to feed himself and his bestfriend, and forget to give dinner to his own children. WTF.

He sounds immature, and he just needs a good hard swift kick in the arse to wake him up!

Go to marriage counselling together.

[JamesM]

How old are you? How old are the children? How many hours a week does he work? What does he do? Do you have friends that you go out with? Do you work outside of the home? Does he give you nights out? What caused the end of the first relationship with a child? Has he been married before? If so, what happened? Has either of you ever cheated? These are just some questions that may help us give you better answers.

Some men get better with age, but they do need to be told that they need to grow up. Some men also have a hard time relating to little children. Unfortunately, they do not realize that the "little children" never really become young adults in our minds... until suddenly one day, the father wakes up and discovers he doesn't know them...and they are gone.

As WWIU said, do not drop the marriage until all means have been exhausted. You would be then putting your feelings ahead of the marriage and the family. Only when it is detrimental to the family should you consider this route. He needs a kick in the butt, but it needs to be done without the "You are a lousy such and such" attitude. I promise he will tune you out. Counseling would be great...if you could convince him you all need it. I am willing to guess that he doesn't realize the extent of the problem. I know, I know...you have told him over and over again. But he may be attributing this to postpartum depression, that time of the month, or simply "she'll get over it tomorrow." A sit down conversation that spells out the problems without too much anger may be helpful.

Communication and repetition is the first "solution." He also needs a new schedule for life. His friends do need to come second, but this must be done without you appearing to be coming between them. He needs to realize that he is now a father...believe it or not, this does take time to sink in to the brain.

Good luck...many here have experiences similar and have found better solutions than divorce. You can, too.