I'm 20 years old and in my third year of community college.
I decided to go to community college mainly for one reason: going to a big fancy university would mean leaving my boyfriend, now ex-boyfriend, and since our relationship was fairly new, it was amazing and I did not want to leave it.
Plus, I added the fact that a university would be far more expensive, so I thought it just "made sense" to go to a CC.
I decided to enroll in one and discard my HS grades, including my SATs and ACTs, and start off "fresh."
At first, it was okay. A little bit more work than HS, so it was okay. Soon after, I realized CC is and older version of HS. And yes, I
hate it.
It's not hard. It's not challenging. It's not entertaining. It's not enlightening. It's not anything good.
Now, don't read this as, "Oh, I'm too freaking smart for community college!" because that's not what I mean. What I
do mean is this: I have to go listen to the dribble of "professors" and their regurgitation of the exact.same.thing. in the text book; it feels like I'm being read to. And I have to go because they take attendance. So, I'm paying for the books and classes--two things--when it feels like all I really need is one: the text book.
Now, maybe it's just my sh*tty luck, but ever professor I've had has been the same. The just tell you what's in the book, and I find that disappointing.
But this is really an addition to my actual problem, though:
I initially started as an English major, hoping to someday land a job as a magazine journalist, novelist, or a screenplay writer. Or something like that. But then I discovered that the English Literature classes bored me, and that I needed something that would generate more money, anyway because I really don't want to be poor forever.
I switched to Psychology. WOW. Yea, yea: I want to help people. I really do. I like listening. I love it, even. And I love being given the opportunity to possibly help another, yes. But you know what? It takes too freaking long! I'm already three years in CC because even though it's really easy, I'm an idiot. So, by the time I get my BA, I'll be 22-23. Then my MA, 24-26. And I can stop here and be a therapist, but I think therapists are like teachers: they do a lot and earn so little. So, I can either suck it up or go onto my PhD to be an actual "psychologist" (because, initially, I wanted to be a Psychiatrist, but then I realized I'm far too stupid for that).
I have no freaking clue how long that will take, but I bet I'll be nearing my 30s, if not 30, or over 30. And that to me is too "old" to barely start what I thought I had started uh, more than 10 years ago!
I know it sounds like all I care for is the money, but this is the way I see it: If I'm going to bust my ass and burn my eyelashes reading textbooks to earn my "degree," then I better see some good revenue for it! If not--if all I want to do is help people and care absolutely not about money, then I might as well pack my bags and live in poor countries doing volunteer work. Seriously.
But I DO care about the money that
I will make. I'm not asking for omygawd-sums, but enough to, you know, have my own place and my own car, be able to pay my utility bills on time, and have some freaking money in my purse so I can eat normal human food instead of Taco Bell's Nachos because they are cheap, and that's all I can afford!
Like, oh, I don't know! I want to actually be able to eat some of the stuff I can cook instead of just cooking it for some bastard woman who thinks I'm her slave-chef-b!tch!
Ahem.
You see what I'm saying?
And I really hate myself for not having any talent. Like you know, people who are naturally good at fixing stuff or at electronics or whatever--they can take that natural talent and soar and be happy. But I don't have any. All I can do is "study."
WOW. Ontop of ALL the crap that is my life, I get stuck with "studying" as my "natural talent." Some talent that is! Pfft!
So, I really, really want to drop out of school because I feel it's useless, but then I figure that's totally defeating the purpose.
I just have no clue what to do.
Maybe I should just be a radiation technician or a LVN or something like that, whatever and RT (if that's what it's even called) does.