My friend from a different state found and matched me up with this guy off myspace who lives in the same city as I do. She got his number and gave it to me. I called him later in the day and we talked for hours. I asked him if he was busy the next day. He said he was but would see if he could possibly clear up his schedule. An hour later he said he could go out. I was very excited and got ready.
Now a little background about me...I'm new to the city, been here 2 months, hardly know a soul, and I have an ex I was engaged to who doesn't seem to leave me alone.
So he meets me at Starbucks, he was more than I could have imagined. Immediately I think I ruined things...I asked him if he really was single, and if he liked what he saw. We went to Starbucks had some coffee and I was feeling insecure I suppose. I said "You don't like me do you, you are just here because you said you were going to?" His response was "If I didn't want to be here I never would have came in with you, from what I know about you I like, if it changes I'll let you know". I'm still not sure how to take his answer. Later in the night after Starbucks he suggests we see a movie. Unfortunately nothing was playing this late in the evening so we went back to his place and watched a DVD. I think this is where I made a second mistake. I asked to see pictures of his ex's. I have no idea why but I did. His ex's are very attractive, and after showing them to me I felt like I had no chance and again asked if he liked what he saw. Also, on the way to the bathroom I peeked into a bedroom in his house. It was obviously a females room. The room had a motion light which came on and he noticed. When he came into the room I asked him who's room this was. He said it was his sisters that she visits from college often and she crashes at his place. I still didn't believe him. I went back in there and he saw me again, and said "Did you not believe me?" and proceeded to show me that her name was on the books and her purses etc.
After this he seems to have withdrawled from me. He didn't hug me the rest of the night and wasn't touchy feely like he was early on. I even held him close to me and said "my boob is on your arm hows that make you feel?" his response "like letting go". I was just trying to be flirty with him.
So I don't understand how things went so well and now I haven't even heard from him. No kiss goodnight or anything. My friends think I came across way too strong.
How do you figure? I txt'd him today and he did respond. He just said that I need to work on the insecurity. That he had fun but can't validate me everytime I want. I dunno if he was being an a$$ or what. How can I fix this?
Yeah you came on strong and made some big mistakes. IDK if its really over forever ever but in the future dont ask about peoples X's and dont keep asking them if they like you. You should have just believed his story about his sister living there or just straight out confronted him which would have been a bad idea unless you really thought he was lying and even so he would have probably just kept lying you werent smooth about getting caught peaking in twice.
Yeah you came on strong and made some big mistakes. IDK if its really over forever ever but in the future dont ask about peoples X's and dont keep asking them if they like you. You should have just believed his story about his sister living there or just straight out confronted him which would have been a bad idea unless you really thought he was lying and even so he would have probably just kept lying you werent smooth about getting caught peaking in twice.
There was no way to be smooth...apparently all the bedroom lights come on by motion. And the living room was dark so he would notice a light coming in the direction of the bedrooms. I thought I turned it off the second time...apparently not.
So why is he talking to me? One of my friends thinks he is gay since he acted weird about me putting my boob on his arm.
I am a firm believer that you need to love yourself before another person can love you back.
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I am a firm believer that you need to love yourself before another person can love you back.
I do love myself, what makes you think I don't? I was just shocked that this guy was interested in me. My parents talked to him when he picked me up and even said "Much much better than last time". I'm 24, he is 26.
Sounds awkward...not sure how i would react if i met a girl behaving that way. Although I would get weirded out by a girl if they did/say stuff like that if i wasnt interested in them.
if he likes you then fine, Theres no way he is gay he wouldnt put himself in a date like situation with a girl if he was with out giving the I'm gay disclaimer or saying something that made it obviouse he was gay like "I just love those shoes do they come in my size" as far as you putting your boob on him had he popped a woody right there and started saying booby booby would that be what you wanted he might have been trying to play it cool. granted he should have given you a smile or something when you made that comment
Which means it was not the time for you to be:
a) grilling him about his exes
b) questioning how much he likes you or how you look. For one, it is a two way street. You'd never even met him before which means that you both are just getting to know who each other is adn there is A LOT more to liking someone than just outward appearance.
c) being suspicious of him. Unless it is about personal security or safety, you should trust what he says from the beginning and at this point no one HAS to be dating exclusively. It is ONE DATE for crying out loud.
d) throwing yourself at him phsically (ie the boob thing).
I think he was very nice and even gentle with you. Other guys might have told you to back off you crazy woman and never even bother to tell you WHY or HOW you messed up. I can't imagine that he will be interested in dating you, but if you let it go and don't pester, you might actually be able to salvage a friendship out of this.
It is hard living in a new city and not knowing anyhow. You should join some clubs or groups or a sports team where you can meet friends and thereby not have to be so needy from just one person the first time you meet them.
Last edited by clynn; 16th October 2006 at 9:58 PM..
b) questioning how much he likes you or how you look. For one, it is a two way street. You'd never even met him before which means that you both are just getting to know who each other is adn there is A LOT more to liking someone than just outward appearance.
Yes, I agree with Clynn. If you have the confidence in yourself during a date, you wouldn't even be thinking about wether or not HE likes you. You would be much more concerned with wether YOU like him. Hence...the 'love yourself' remark I made earlier.
You scared me off and I've never even met you. You're crazy (sorry). Didn't you ever hear of being a maybe slightest little challenge to the guy??? Even if you have all of these major insecurities do you have to wear them out on your sleeve? Sheesh, no wonder he was withdrawled or even withdrawn....
How do you figure? I txt'd him today and he did respond. He just said that I need to work on the insecurity. That he had fun but can't validate me everytime I want. I dunno if he was being an a$$ or what. How can I fix this?
Yeah this is already getting into problem areas. You are super needy and this guy is becoming your therapist on what, the 2nd date?
If this guy is as great as you said, I am sure that many girls before you have thrown themselves at him (only not as bad) and it gets old, trust me. I envision a nest full of newly hatched chicks all screaming for the worm from mommy. Maybe this guy is looking for that one girl who's different.
Last edited by Shovelack; 16th October 2006 at 10:53 PM..
Reason: add
"You scared me off and I've never even met you. You're crazy (sorry). Didn't you ever hear of being a maybe slightest little challenge to the guy??? Even if you have all of these major insecurities do you have to wear them out on your sleeve? Sheesh, no wonder he was withdrawled or even withdrawn...."
from my point of view she did send he a challenge message - her insecurities...sounds like he wasn't up fer it
do you folks only see challenges as a sexual thing? like what u do in high school? where u play hard to get? no, no, that's grade school - right!
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