[motherlode]

My family has NEVER EVER been there for me. Sorry if I sound like a little baby whiner but it is true. It suddenly occured to me that after years of not being involved with my so called "family" the reason why I have taken it so hard this time around, is because I am that much older now. I had thought that maybe, just maybe, my Mother would change into the resonable loving woman I always wanted for a Mother. We have all had to get together to cope with my brothers crack addiction. Instead, of coming to terms with who she is and what she is accountable for, she is a total trouble-making machine who constantly stirs things up by spreading and encouraging gossip and discord between family members. If something goes wrong in the family, it is always everybody elses fault but never hers. My brother is on crack and Mum blames that on his amazing loving and supportive wife instead of my brothers' creepy childhood. when my sister-in-law gets loving support from her amazing parents who love her unconditionally, Mum berates and belittles them too. Mum has favourite family members and favourite Grandchildren and the rest she totally ignores. Now I am that much older, I have had a very very depressed last few months as I realize it just is never going to happen... these people will not ever transform into some magical Walt Disney type family. I have felt completely broken and have hurt ver deeply. These people who share the same blood as me, are never going to be warm loving supportive family members ever! With this realization comes freedom. I put away all expectations and hopes and just deal with the situation as it arises. The strength I have gained from being in this dysfunctional family is that I have learned how to be a great loving and supportive Mum to my two samazing sons. As well, I cherish my friends who come into my life BY CHOICE and fnever take them for granted. For these lessons, I am truly grateful. I refuse to give my power away to my Mother any longer!! Thank you for giving me this forum in which to vent in a relatively healthy way ;-D

Originally Posted by motherlode

My family has NEVER EVER been there for me. Sorry if I sound like a little baby whiner but it is true. It suddenly occured to me that after years of not being involved with my so called "family" the reason why I have taken it so hard this time around, is because I am that much older now. I had thought that maybe, just maybe, my Mother would change into the reasonable loving woman I always wanted for a Mother. We have all had to get together to cope with my brothers crack addiction. Instead, of coming to terms with who she is and what she is accountable for,

she is a total trouble-making machine who constantly stirs things up by spreading and encouraging gossip and discord between family members. If something goes wrong in the family, it is always everybody else's fault but never hers. My brother is on crack and Mum blames that on his amazing loving and supportive wife instead of my brothers' creepy childhood. when my sister-in-law gets loving support from her amazing parents who love her unconditionally, Mum berates and belittles them too. Mum has favourite family members and favourite Grandchildren and the rest she totally ignores.

Now I am that much older, I have had a very very depressed last few months as I realize it just is never going to happen... these people will not ever transform into some magical Walt Disney type family. I have felt completely broken and have hurt ver deeply. These people who share the same blood as me, are never going to be warm loving supportive family members ever! With this realization comes freedom. I put away all expectations and hopes and just deal with the situation as it arises. The strength I have gained from being in this dysfunctional family is that I have learned how to be a great loving and supportive Mum to my two amazing sons. As well, I cherish my friends who come into my life BY CHOICE and never take them for granted. For these lessons, I am truly grateful. I refuse to give my power away to my Mother any longer!! Thank you for giving me this forum in which to vent in a relatively healthy way ;-D

i think u r very strong person , i understand dealing with such stressful family ,i can only give advice that b independent n pls don't expect any1 2 b kind , polite n affectionate etc this words exist only in movies n fairy tales . B STRONG N INDEPENDENT HAve LESS EXPECTATION ABT EMOTIONAL SUPPORT

[riobikini]

ML, lots of people deal with very similar situations as you describe.

For myself, I learned just beyond walking age that I would have to be the one to care for myself (make my own sandwich and pour my own Kool-Aid): my mother was never all that maternal -that trait just somehow escaped her.

I always tried to be generous with forgiveness where her short-comings were concerned, but I've had to wrestle with a few of them pretty fiercely, especially when I was much younger.

(Smile)

She's who she is.

And though some of those things I had difficulty in dealing with concerning her have mellowed to a level I can accept, now -I *do* still remember them, and if I let it -it could land me right back to where I was years ago in the same turmoil with my feelings towards the person she *was*, in a heartbeat.

I've exercised my right to close doors that only offer pain -and no explanation.

But things - people and circumstances- change.

And if explanation only comes in the hereafter -I'll certainly be ready for it.

(Smile)

For now, I make a concerted effort to accept things as they are -and leave the parts of the past that I know I can't go back and change. (That's a good way to look at the present, too, by the way. )

And I'm all about letting time soften the sharp edges of some of those memories and experiences, and let me walk past them.

*You can walk past them, too*.

Take care.

-Rio

thank you that nice for me to say that man is cool for me