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The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

 
 
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Old 9th October 2006, 5:30 PM   #1
yousaveme
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Quick Question to everyone

i really want to know...Why does coming here feel like more of a bashing session on the OW/OM then support?
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Old 9th October 2006, 5:34 PM   #2
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what is your definition of support?

IMO some of the best support I have gotten was the kind that didn't coddle me. After I lost my first baby I remember my mother coming to my house and dragging me out of bed and demanding that I take a shower and clean my house.

It hurt, at first, but it was the best support anyone could have given me.

Since LS isn't specifically for OW/OM -- it's for all people who have relationship issues -- it's unrealistic to expect that everyone will give you the kind of support that you WANT. But IMO, sometimes, what you want isn't necessarily what you need.
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Old 9th October 2006, 5:36 PM   #3
reneet
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because they are so unhappy in thier own situations

it takes the heat off of them. Of course. They'd do much better giving advice & bashing on a divorce support forum.
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Old 9th October 2006, 5:37 PM   #4
BenThereDunThat
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yousaveme View Post
i really want to know...Why does coming here feel like more of a bashing session on the OW/OM then support?
I know sometimes it seems like a lot of bashing. But for my experience, I got more helpful posts to my troubles than I did negative ones. I ignore the bashers. Unfortunately, you're gonna deal with those on a public forum.

And they're almost always signed in as 'guests'.
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Old 9th October 2006, 5:40 PM   #5
yousaveme
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Originally Posted by BenThereDunThat View Post
I know sometimes it seems like a lot of bashing. But for my experience, I got more helpful posts to my troubles than I did negative ones. I ignore the bashers. Unfortunately, you're gonna deal with those on a public forum.

And they're almost always signed in as 'guests'.

I guess i should chalk it up to the BS syndrome.
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Old 9th October 2006, 5:40 PM   #6
reneet
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Originally Posted by BenThereDunThat View Post
I know sometimes it seems like a lot of bashing. But for my experience, I got more helpful posts to my troubles than I did negative ones. I ignore the bashers. Unfortunately, you're gonna deal with those on a public forum.

And they're almost always signed in as 'guests'.
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for the reminder that the bashers sign in as guests. The Guest Basher
YOUSAVEME, DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO THE SO CALLED "GUEST", THEY WON'T BE HERE FOR LONG!!
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Old 9th October 2006, 5:42 PM   #7
yousaveme
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Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for the reminder that the bashers sign in as guests. The Guest Basher
YOUSAVEME, DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO THE SO CALLED "GUEST", THEY WON'T BE HERE FOR LONG!!

there are the select few...We know who they are...WHATEVER
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Old 9th October 2006, 5:44 PM   #8
reneet
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there are the select few...We know who they are...WHATEVER
There's a place for people who suffer from BSS. It's called divorcesupport.com.
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Old 9th October 2006, 5:46 PM   #9
blind_otter
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There's a place for people who suffer from BSS. It's called divorcesupport.com.
No offense but I doubt all the bashers are betrayed spouses.
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Old 9th October 2006, 5:48 PM   #10
yousaveme
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No offense but I doubt all the bashers are betrayed spouses.

Very true some people are just mean.
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Old 9th October 2006, 5:53 PM   #11
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Very true some people are just mean.
And women who have affairs with married men are nice?
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Old 9th October 2006, 5:53 PM   #12
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Very true some people are just mean.

MBSS
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Old 9th October 2006, 6:00 PM   #13
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MBSS
Why are you so angry at the BS? It seems like you got your man so whats the problem? Don't you think it's human for the BW to have negative feelings about the OW? Why are you so sensitive? Do you have a heart at all? These women have been hurt by their husbands and women like you. You of all people should be sympathetic, you may find yourself there soon. Oh, I remember you have no choice, it's not your fault.
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Old 9th October 2006, 6:57 PM   #14
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I have been reading the threads here for awhile and I have opted not to put my story out there for people to abuse me based on an unfortunate situation I find myself in.

It seems that many who see the title of this forum:
The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

read that to mean that they can come and tell us we are bad people out to ruin marriages and families. Funny how some who have never been in the situation, know exactly what we should be doing.

What I have discovered from reading is that most OW are women who love a man, feel deeply about him and how the situation is affecting his wife and family, and we all seem to wish it were different, and very few set out to capture a married man.

In the case of many, these are men who are struggling with their obligations to W and family that are totally contrary to what is in their hearts. We OW are trying to support them in their decisions. Sometimes that means NC, but that is not always the answer, though it seems to be the only one people offer.

There seems to be little or no support for those of us who are staying with these men. No recognition that each situation is different. No belief that the man is not a 'cake-eater'. We are apparently these bad people who deliberately seek out a lying cheating jerk who should stay with his wife no matter what.

Not always the case.
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Old 9th October 2006, 7:24 PM   #15
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i really want to know...Why does coming here feel like more of a bashing session on the OW/OM then support?
I don't know - I got some very kind words of support, even from some BS.
I guess I was just lucky.

Just ignore "pointless bashing". It's useless, if not damageful.
Some of the best advice can be sometimes confused with bashing, though.
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