I started dating a guy, a little over a month ago. We would see each other regularly at least twice a week. We usually talk on the phone and set up plans, and I meet him at his house. Normally we go to church on Sunday together. We were suppose to meet up this past Sunday. Well Sunday came I could not get a hold of him, which is odd. I thought maybe he assumed that I was going to meet him at church, so I rode out to church, but then I didn't see him. I called a couple more times, and still could not get a hold to him, so after a lot of debating, I decided to go to his house. His roomate answered and told me to come in. My guy friend was in the back sleeping hard. It turned out he was really sick and he had his phone on vibrate. I told him I usually don't stop by unannounced, but I was just concerned about him (since he didn't answer the phone). I also apologized if it was an inconvience.To make a long story short he said that it was ok, and that he was sorry he didn't call. What struck me funny though was that he also said that he found it weird that I stopped by.
What does that mean? Was I wrong for just dropping by like that?
Last edited by shychica; 3rd October 2006 at 12:32 AM.
In my opinion, you've not been dating the guy long enough to show so much concern about him that you would actually go to his place to check on his status. From my perspective it looks a little odd. But it's done and over with. He should be happy you were that troubled. However, in most cases a man would be livid and totally unimpressed to have a chick come over to his house to check up on him because he didn't answer the phone...like that is a person's option when they just don't want to talk to somebody.
In the normal course of events, if somebody whose calls I had been avoiding stopped by my house to find out what was wrong I would tell them off and in no uncertain terms let them know to stop calling and get out of my life.
Thankfully, in your case, the guy was really sick.
Please don't ever do that again until you have dated a guy much longer and are far more intimately involved in his life. It just looks goofy!
I think a lot of guys are really concerned about women turning into psycho stalkers, so he could be debating if you're "one of them".
I think your intention was good, but you overstepped the bounds a little by going to his house to check up on him. It's not really "bad" that you did, but I'm sure he's questioning the underlying intentions behind the action. If you're the kind of girl who is going to track him down and force him to "prove" he wasn't doing anything wrong. You have to remember, he doesn't know you all that well yet, or how you react to things when they don't go the way you planned.
Personally, Next time I saw/talked to him. I would explain to him that I realized I overstepped the bounds by going straight to his house to find out if he was okay... Reiterate that I had been concerned for him because he was such an upstanding guy who didn't miss events or not return calls. And let him know that I felt bad for making him uncomfortable by going to his house uninvited.
I dont' think it warrants a huge discussion, but at least a couple sentences to let him know that you aren't going to make this a habit. Ease his mind a bit. Might make him feel more secure with you and the relationship, instead of having doubts floating around in the back of his mind.
well i dont know how it would be from a guys point of view but personally myself i feel funny about people turning up unannounced.
even if they arernt, i feel as though they are trying to catch me out with something OR puttin me in a position where i would feel rude to turn them away.
if i dont pick up my phone to someone it means that i am not in the mood to speak to or see anyone that day or i am just busy with something else. but i will get back to that person later (unless i am totaly avoiding them n then i normally do it the cowards way and just ignore them till they get bored)
i know you werent doing anything more then being worried as to why he hadnt picked up or turned up at church... but if i was in the same situation i would have just left a voicemail or text saying that i was worried and to get in contact as soon as he could to let me know he was ok and then anxiously waited for a call (even though it would drive me crackers waiting and would take alot of willpower not 2 keep ringing)
maybe if i was in a serious relationship with someone then i may turn up at the door if i was really worried and it was very odd for them to not answer phone or turn up. but not in the first stages.
While you guys are right, I feel even worse now. The more I think about it, the more I think I screwed up something good. I feel like such a lose now. I meant no harm and I even told him that I was just concerned when I saw him. Now I'm too shame to even call him, because I feel like he'll think I'm bothering him. What should I do now?
Now I'm too shame to even call him, because I feel like he'll think I'm bothering him. What should I do now?
He gave you an out for you to feel okay about it.. he said it was okay..
Just don't push your luck with him again or expect to get dumped..
Call him next time.. if he doesn't answer he isn't in a ditch.. just don't freak out..
As soon as you 2 have built up some time together these kind of worries go away and you don't have to worry about tiptoeing around how he might think if..
__________________
~~ One day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else.. ~~
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Linear Mode
