[feelingempty]

Hello everyone,

I'm 44 year old woman met a wonderful guy been with him 5 years and 4 years common law. Being a blended family isn't easy but this takes the cake.

The last 4 years he has been working out of town home on weekends, which has been very hard the last 2 years, communication has broken down the phone wasn't cutting it but we loved each other and made it work. He has a nasty habit of lying from the smallest detail to some whoppers that most women would have left a long time ago. But then again I had my time of jealousy we worked on it but about 6 months ago I caught him with a profile on a few dating sites and him sending letters to younger women to meet him for drinks at the local bar in the town he works in.

Well of course I flipped he denied it at first but I had proof well it was a rough road for a few weeks I forgave him. Last night I had a gut feeling from the way he was acting yesterday and asked him if he was on dating sites again he said no.

Instead he wrote a letter to his ex g/f telling her how much he thinks of her and never found love like hers and wishes things would have worked out for them. Well here I am the fool again and god knows what else went on behind my back. I hung up on him and put the nc in place which i can say I have not stopped crying today.

He sent a short email saying sorry that's it !!! I feel like a idiot I have been so lonely the last few years and now empty in hopes he will call but I must be living in a dream world. I need encouragement to keep the NC in place it's only a matter of time he will want to sell the house and I have no where to go with my kids.

[dgiirl]

I'm sad to hear about your situation. It doesn't sound like either of you guys are getting your needs met, if he feels the need to contact other women. Although it hurts, I think you are doing the right thing with no contact. He's not giving 100% of his attention to your relationship, and you deserve that! Let him go and move on. Although being single again might seem scary at first, it's better to be "alone" single, than feeling lonely and in a relationship. At least when you are single, you can give 100% of your attention back to YOU. It is a lot more liberating than being in a dead-end relationship.

Keep writing!

[feelingempty]

Thank you for taking the time to write.

This NC thing is killing me I so bad want to call and go what the hell!!! Sad note is I called my lawyers to see if i have any rights being common law with a home and cottage and they said not much b/c he never put my name on them smooth move he knew what was up. I'm a fool a broken hearted fool that probably take him back if he wanted to come back. I'm so sick I want to get drunk as hell but I know that would lead me to call him. Help

[FeelingLonely98]

I am also so sorry you are going thru this feelingempty. (I am a "feeling" one also!)

I traveled every other week for business and was home every weekend. My W left me because she flipped out, became a different person and had a Mid life crisis. (You can read my threads if you wanna know MY wacky story!) BUT I sometimes wonder if my being away periodically affected her. She never said anything. (I never did a single inappropraite thing while away! I just want to make that known!)

When my W asked for the D 70 days ago I was a WRECK. a walking zombie, crying, not functioning, not eatting (lost 35 lbs.)
The only thing that saved me was my family (sisters and Mom). AND this website!!!
There are wonderful caring people here that have more wisdom than I do and will try to help you and advise you well. I suggest you seek out family if you can, or some very close friends. You will need that no matter what you choose. AND, please keep posting here. Read other posts. Posts your thoughts here if it helps. It helped me ... (I'm sure some say at times - Oh boy, another "FL98" post!!)

I do not necessarily think what you're doing and dgiirl supports is right. (Sorry dg!)
I think it is too early to initiate NC. My God, have you 2 talked deeply about all of this? Have you tried marriage counseling? Have you both truly listened to each other? Would he give up the out of town travelling to save the M? I would have done that in my case if it would have saved MY marriage.
My 47 yr old W is having a full blown affair with an 18 yr old boy currently and I am not certain what I would do if she came crawling back right now. I just think it is too early for and your H to not talk.

Please keep posting here. You will get lots of great advice from great people.

GOOD LUCK feelingempty...

[feelingempty]

Thank you FL98

He wants nothing to do with me he said it's over When he was on dating sites a few months back we worked it out but never really talked about it. MC was out since he was gone week from week. I do believe he has someone new already in his sites. If i do call and try to talk he blows up at me about everything and anything. He has a bad temper so do I mind you but I seem to let stuff go very quickly I hate going to bed angry where he will hate me for days. So I'm scared to call and also on the last phone call we had at the break up he said he did something bad the night before I asked what and he said didn't make a difference anymore.......left me to believe he slept with some little hottie. anyways here i sit waiting for some kind of contact from him and feel i'm getting weaker by the moment pray for me I'm very down

[FeelingLonely98]

Originally Posted by feelingempty

Thank you FL98

He wants nothing to do with me he said it's over When he was on dating sites a few months back we worked it out but never really talked about it. MC was out since he was gone week from week. I do believe he has someone new already in his sites. If i do call and try to talk he blows up at me about everything and anything. He has a bad temper so do I mind you but I seem to let stuff go very quickly I hate going to bed angry where he will hate me for days. So I'm scared to call and also on the last phone call we had at the break up he said he did something bad the night before I asked what and he said didn't make a difference anymore.......left me to believe he slept with some little hottie. anyways here i sit waiting for some kind of contact from him and feel i'm getting weaker by the moment pray for me I'm very down

OK - with this bit of info. I now agree that you should probably initiate the NC now. And you must find your support system - family, friends, ... you will need them. Go over to their place. Invite them to come to your place - spend the night. Make this effort, ok? Be around people that love and care for you. Go to counseling sessions for you. You can not change him - the NC may make him realize what he's missing and if he comes back to you then you are in control of the situation and can go from there.

But for now - be good to YOU!!! If he NEVER comes back then at least you're already on the path to a better you (hobbies, do at least one "fun" thing every day, do things you never did before, ETC). (This is the 180 that you will hear about and can read up on LS) You will see this down the road. If he does come back then the time working on you was all good anyways.

GOOD LUCK!

PEACE!