My family and my BF's family both want us for Thanksgiving and Christmas. My mom would be sad and disappointed if she couldn't have me for both, but she'd understand. BF's mother, on the other hand, is kinda having a fit over the very concept that she might not get him for both holidays. My mom doesn't want to leave her plans to go to BF's parents' house, and vice versa, so mixing them isn't quite yet an option.
BF and I are going to spend these holidays together, but we have to figure out with which family on which days. We've already decided that next year we'll host, and make them come to us. But this year, we're not quite yet prepared to do that.
Any thoughts? How have you worked this out in your relationships?
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BUT, where my family goes is about 90 minutes from his parents' house, and sometimes snowed in, and his mother has yet to decide where she wants to spend Christmas... at their regular home, or their mountain home, which is about 2 hours away from where my mom will be, and during that time of year, covered in snow.
It's not impossible, but depending on where they each end up could be quite inconvenient if we're schlepping all over NorCal, particularly if there's a snow storm.
Too uncertain regarding travelling conditions then to visit both on one day.
It's a tough decision but you probably know what I am going to say. It's one family for Thanksgiving and the other for Christmas. It is the fairest way in respect of time spent with each. The fact is that parents do have to accept that as their children become adults and have serious relationships, then this kind of thing is going to happen.
It is then a case of trying to take it in turns, alternating between both sets of parents and of course your place too for future Christmases etc.
Ahhh, we have a similar "problem" SG.
Although its just christmas for us- spent the majority of it last year with Hs family. Most of our families live in the same area, although MIL lives in a different region. She travelled to see everyone last year and "won't" this year, but has now announced she is doing a house sit near our house, and we have had to say "sorry but we won't be here at christmas"... I should start my own thread really.
Seeing as its my mums first christmas without my dad, I want to spend it with her this year, but because we have the baby, Hs family all want a piece of her too.....
We will probably have a separate christmas "day" with MIL... who is driving me NUTS atm.
Can't you just spend one holiday with one family and one with the other- that seems fair and reasonable to me.
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How does your BF feel about all this? I hope he will agree that there needs to be a compromise so that BOTH families get to see you during the holiday season.
I agree with Thanksgiving with one family and Christmas with the other. At least until you guys start a family of your own, and you can set the rules of how it's going to be.
as for your mom ... if there's problems with snow, maybe the most logical thing to do is plan Thanksgiving with her so you don't have to deal with the snow issue in December.
__________________ The best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
I already split my Thanksgiving and Christmas between my mom and dad, alternating each year. My woman will be rolling with me for Christmas but not Thanksgiving, but I wouldn't care if she had her own thing for both.
Why don't you just spend the holidays with your parents and he with his?
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Why don't you just spend the holidays with your parents and he with his?
I think this should always be an option as well. It doesn't fit that romantic notion of being together for the holidays but family is family.
SG, your mom lost her mom this year, it was a rough year and she doesn't have a lot of family. I would spend as much time with her over the holidays as possible.
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I think it depends on how much you see each side of the family throughout the year.
For example, I see my parents about twice a month. They live only an hour away and are often doing things in my area. Since they see me and my fiance so often they don't feel hurt when we don't spend a holiday with them.
My fiance's parents live across the country and he only sees them about 3 times a year. So for Thanksgiving and Christmas it's a given that either we, or just he spends time with them.
That's an interesting point. Because they live so close and are so involved in their son's lives, we (as a couple) see his parents about 3-4 times a month. He works with them (family business), so he sees them and talks to them nearly every day.
I only see my mom about once every 3 months or so, due to our schedules.
Something in my gut tells me my mom just "deserves" more time. She adores BF too.
BF and I went shopping today for a dining room table that seats 10 (with a leaf). I think he's trying to kinda nip the problem in the bud by hosting... which is ideal.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tanbark813
Why don't you just spend the holidays with your parents and he with his?
Because neither one of us want to do that. It's pretty much off the table.
I'm thinking that because my mom has people to be with on Thanksgiving but no one for Christmas, that we should do Thanksgiving with BF's parents and Christmas with my mom. Does that sound fair?
if BF is cool with that, it sounds like a fantastic plan – keep it as a back-up if y'all DO decide to host the holidays at your home.
if his mom complains, point out that you are blessed in that y'all get to see here quite often during the month, and this (whichever you decide) is a fair compromise for you and your BF. Which is how it SHOULD be!
Last year was the first year that me and my bf had to make these decisions. We tried doing both his and mine on Thanksgiving, and hated it. I don't suggest spliting holidays, neither family was happy to only have us for half a day AND we had to eat two huge meals. BLUH. PLus the time spent driving was tedious. That day my bf's sister-in-law advised me to establish holiday traditions as a couple that work for us. At the end of that day, I realized that she was right.
So, for Christmas we did x-mas eve at one and x-mas day at the other. This worked well for us, and we will continue this. This year for Thanksgiving we will go to his because they have a more formal meal that I really enjoy, and we are going to mine the weekend before for a nice dinner out.
Someday I hope to host holidays at our place and avoid the whole issue.
BF and I are going to spend these holidays together, but we have to figure out with which family on which days.
Any thoughts? How have you worked this out in your relationships?
A good way that works is try to decide which holiday is more important to the "fussy" or upset set of parents. It sounds like that would be his, so I would try to figure out which holday they consider more important to spend with family.
If his mom LOVES christmas, and cant imagine spending it away from her darling, then go there. It will save you the pain of having to listen to her complain about her favorite holiday being "ruined", or same for thanksgiving. That worked well for me, because even though she might be sad you two are gone for one of them, she feels like she gets the better of the two holidays. Good luck!
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