[Ms. Joolie]

I've been in contact with the ex since Friday through email. Over the weekend, I told him no contact. I flipped out a little bit and just said to give me the space I needed to let go.

He wrote back telling me he couldn't give me forever. He'd email me in December.

I wrote back telling him, "fine, email me all you want then." To imply that I wasn't going to pay attention. :-/

Then I emailed him again addressing the fact that he wouldn't let go of this dream. That our relationship has never worked out, yet he wouldn't let go of this dream. All the while I'm feeling crushed, my dream feels crushed.

He writes back talking about how he's always tried to keep us together, but I always pushed us away. That our feelings for each other are the same... we both feel hurt, both still care for each other. He tells me that towards the end is when he gave up, until something major changes. (one of us moves closer to the other or something... something)

I write back telling him I just want to put these three years of torture behind me. That all I hope for is that we can both let the past go, and not bring any of the garbage forward, only use whatever was good to our own personal benefit.

I tell him I wish I could see him, but I just don't see the point in going through those emotions. That I just want to know he's okay, that the overall relationship didn't hurt him, that I'd do anything to make it feel better. Or almost anything. laugh, laugh. (ugh)


That was yesterday at 3:26 p.m. Nothing yet in reply. Sigh.


How do I feel? I'm ready, so ready, to move forward. No, really. I'm just too curious on how he's doing I guess. (dumb!) I think to myself that I'd only get back together with him if he showed me how much he desperately loved me. But do I want a desperate guy? uhhhh.... no? So I think my dignity, and his, are just letting this go right now. Really letting this go.


No, really.