[SoulSearch_CO]

I've heard this before. On this board, but then also other places. I've read and heard of people asking someone they are dating if they have EVER cheated on a SO and if the answer is "yes," they walk away from that person - positive that they WILL cheat again. Would their reasons and level of contrition make any difference in your judgment of them?

The reason I ask is this. I was in a 4-year marriage where he REPEATEDLY cheated. Now, I don't mean physically. All the stuff he did was online and/or phone. He also had some EAs that I'm aware of. He always got caught. He kept doing it. Nearing my breaking point with him, 4 years of heartache and emotional abuse and lies...I made a choice. Partially, it was to lash back at him, but also partly it was to make MYSELF get off my ass and get out of the relationship. But anyway - I ended up cheating on him. I met up with a guy and had a physical encounter. I was only able to do it once before the guilt ate me alive and I told my H. (And by the way - we were sleeping in separate bedrooms at this point already...and had spoken of divorce.)

He was clearly hurt. But you know what? He gave me permission to keep doing whatever I wanted. Which was truly the point at which I said I was done with him - to be okay with sharing his W like that just made me realize how value-less I was to him. I will say there is ONE good thing that came out of that event. He told me that he had been cheated on in his first marriage and ever since then had been cheating on every woman he had had in his life...but not a one of them cheated on him. By having it occur in our marriage, he FINALLY saw the damage and hurt that he was causing.

Anyway - I'm not looking for anybody to validate me. I'm at peace with what I did. I'm not proud of it (the only part I'm proud of is reclaiming my power). If you want to bash on me for cheating, go for it. It's not a weak point in my self-worth due to the fact that I feel I paid the price, I did a lot of self-work, and I have forgiven myself. Please try to stick to the purpose of the post. I only gave my story as an example - not as the point of the post.

So back to the original question - would you discard a possible relationship with somebody if they admitted to cheating in their past - regardless of their reasons or level of contrition?