Cheating, Flirting, and JealousyBeing unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.
I have been with my partner for many many years, we recently got married and just a few months after i became attracted to a new male friend of mine. i never thought i could be attracted to him, he is the complete opposite of my usual type and my husband for that matter he is not very good looking (not terrible now that I have spent more time with him and have a deeper connection but initially there was no attraction there at all) but his personality is fantastic and we have everything in common unlike my husband and i who are very opposite (which up until now was wonderful and part of why we worked so well).
however one night when i was really drunk we kissed and it was amazing. i didn't really think much of it because i was drunk so i put it aside. but the attraction grew and every time i saw him i wanted to kiss him and usually i did. we spent about a month fooling around and not very sneakily - my sister found out and my best friend knew but i didn't care. i convinced them everything had stopped even though it hadn't (they semi believed me but don't bring it up anymore). I couldn't get this guy out of my head the crush grew and grew and finally we slept together and it was amazing. i wanted more and more. and now that we have been sleeping together for about a month and i starting to get unbearable waves of guilt and self loathing about it all but contradictory to that guilt i want to sleep with him more and more. And to make matters worse the guilt is ruining my relationship with my husband. I find myself resenting him, getting frustrated by him, not wanting to spend time with him, the littlest thing he does wrong (even if he's done a bunch of other good stuff) and I loose my cool with him. I pick fights with him, I am mean to him and all of that makes my guilt even worse. I can't focus at work - i love thinking about my affair partner but then i get sick to my stomach and have serious anxiety attacks. I know that i really love my husband and that i should stop sleeping with this other guy and build back what we had because it was a great relationship but at the same time i don't want to give up my affair, i love the way he makes me feel, how attentive he is to me, how amazing the sex is. I don't know what to do I am totally torn. I want my relationship with my husband to be great and to be able to keep sleeping with my friend. is there a way? im pretty sure im just kidding myself with all this. Thanks for thoughts (please don't hate on me )
Last edited by tessgirl; 22nd October 2009 at 4:50 PM..
I dont understand why your husband is sticking around I think he will get tired of you treating him the way you are.You need to pick one.I think you should pick the OM.You treat him better then your husband.I am not saying this to be mean but does your husband deserve to be treated this way.It hurts really bad to be cheated on.If you want your husband then you need to stop seeing this man and work on your marriage.Having your cake and eating it too is not fair its selfish.How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot.You will feel alot better doing the right thing.Read some of the post from
OM and OW on this site and listen to what they say they are doing their best to do the right thing and they can help.Even listen to the other side they can tell you how deep it hurts.Good luck!
No. There is no way to have both without being the type of person who people fear ending up being married to and only wish upon their worst enemy. If you want to be able to salvage any sort of self respect and dignity in this situation you need to put on your big girl underoos and stop doing things that could devastate someone you supposedly love if he were to have an inkling of what you were up to. If you love your husband then start doing right by him and if not, then leave him and let him find someone who will - it's really that simple.
Last edited by theBrokenMuse; 22nd October 2009 at 5:16 PM..
OP, You need to divorce your husband as soon as possible. You haven't been very sneaky about this affair and already too many people know. It's only a matter of time until your Husband will find out, and believe me he will hate you many times greater, than if you get a divorce now , before he finds out. But you have to stop deluding yourself, if your marriage was so great, and if you truly had any love or respect for your husband, this affair would not have happened. You can't choose who you are attracted to, but you can control your actions. You have done nothing for your husband, but shame him, do One good thing for him, divorce him. Think of him instead of yourself.
OP, You need to divorce your husband as soon as possible. You haven't been very sneaky about this affair and already too many people know. It's only a matter of time until your Husband will find out, and believe me he will hate you many times greater, than if you get a divorce now , before he finds out. But you have to stop deluding yourself, if your marriage was so great, and if you truly had any love or respect for your husband, this affair would not have happened. You can't choose who you are attracted to, but you can control your actions. You have done nothing for your husband, but shame him, do One good thing for him, divorce him. Think of him instead of yourself.
Well said.
Sounds like you and your affair are good together, where as you and your husband are not. So make the move and do the right thing.....
You have been married only a few months and you do and put your husband at risk for STD's. How would you feel if your husband was doing to you what you have been doing to him? You have shown total humiliation and disrespect toward your husband. Do your husband a big favor and tell him the truth so he can decide how he wishes to live his life. This is the least you can do. Your husband has my great sympathy.
Get a divorce. What you are doing to your husband is horribly cruel. You are a cheat and a liar and a sneak, and he needs to get free of your lousy, two-timing ass. If your friend has a brain (and it seems like he doesn't), he'll get the hell away from you, too. If you're willing to cheat on your husband, why not on him in a year or two?
Well, I think that you have some decisions to make. You can not serve two people. Believe me - this will make you mental. It's hard on the heart and hard on the soul.
You do need to make a choice. Think - think long and hard.
I don't think it is possible to keep both, because in the end - you may lose them both.
I know where you have been, and it is not easy. So, if you feel like it's time to tell your H, then talk to him. He ,ay want an open relationship or to move on. I would suggest NOT telling H until you know what you want.
All it would cause is heartache. Good luck.
And PS: Affair sex is ALWAYS fantastic!! Is there more to what you guys have than just sex?? Think about it... it's a tough choice and once you ring that bell ... you can't take it back.
__________________ "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened” - Dr. Seuss
I want my relationship with my husband to be great and to be able to keep sleeping with my friend. is there a way? im pretty sure im just kidding myself with all this.
Jesus Christ... thanks for contributing to the decline of western civilization.
If you have an ounce of genuine remorse for your actions, you need to take a step back and consider what you've allowed yourself to become. As I read your post, I was mentally checking off items on the Hare Psychopathy Checklist for malignant narcissism. There were a lot of checks.
Whether you consider it "hating" or not, I'm going to be blunt: you need serious help of a kind that comes with a $200+ per hour fee.
think about what you are doing to your H, divorce him and let him find someone else. Really what you are doing is horrible and if you stay with him the guilt 20 years from now will destroy you, on top of that you will destroy his life by constantly taking it out on him
On the bright side, if she stays married to him long enough and tricks him into having kids, she can leverage this into a lifestyle financed by her ex husband whom she's been deceiving as of just a few months after they got married.
is there a way? im pretty sure im just kidding myself with all this. Thanks for thoughts (please don't hate on me )
Please don't hate on you? This is one of the most selfish requests I've ever seen a person make.
No, there's no way you can stay with your husband and keep slamming another guy. At least, no way in which all parties involved will approve or be happy with.
I want my relationship with my husband to be great and to be able to keep sleeping with my friend. is there a way? im pretty sure im just kidding myself with all this. Thanks for thoughts (please don't hate on me )
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