[reelbigfish]

I would highly encourage you to contact him. It seems most of the advice on this forum is to the contrary but I believe in skipping the game playing. If on the off chance he still wanted you - he could very well have you in NC until you make a reach. This forum would tell you that it is his job to reach if he wants you, but this forum also tells you to NC your ex if they dumped you until they reach. Using those two theories - no one will ever contact anyone to rekindle things. You broke up with him and crushed his heart so it is your job to make the contact to see if you want to explore a new relationship with him. You have to take a risk in order to get a reward. You aren't dating him now and you are unsure if you want to. Not contacting him will result in the same exact problem. Contacting him you will find out if he wants to talk about things, if you do in fact like him, or if he doesn't want anything to do with you. Either way you will have an answer and this will stop eating at you. You obviously have feelings for the guy and 2 years is a long way down the road.

I really think you should see if he'll meet you for coffee or something. Don't mention your feelings but just tell him you'd like to catch up and see how he's doing. Keep it simple and just tell him you'll be at the ABC coffee shop on main street at 3:00 on wednesday and he is welcome to join if he wants. If he shows up - great - talk to him and see how things go and assess the situation after you've met him to see if you really do still have feelings for the chap. If he doesn't show up - take it as a sign he's not interested in you at all. If he can't make it at the time you suggest but he's interested in meeting with you to catch up - he will suggest a different time or let you know he can't make it.

Good luck and let us know what you decide.

[simply]

Thanks for the responses everyone.

I went through with getting a hold of him this weekend. Yes, I messaged him. The exchange on facebook was really brief and mute, he reminded me of his phone number (even though I still had it) and said if we were going to do any talking it needed to be atleast on the phone. So I called him later that day and we talked for about 10 minutes. He asked almost immediately what it was I wanted to talk about, or what I needed. It was almost cold and business like. But basically I told him I just wanted to talk to him and see how things were going with him and basically got his guard down enough to make him agree to meeting me on his side of town for some coffee at a place we used to go book shopping at.

We met the next day, Sunday. When I got there I could see him through the front window sitting there at a table waiting for me. I almost threw up I was so nervous, I almost didn't go in but I made myself overcome the anxiety. I walked in and looked around, until our eyes met. And as soon as that happened ohhh myyy gooodd. I felt like my legs were going to buckle. I had an instant adrenaline rush and huge butterflies in my stomach. He was so handsome and smelled good when I hugged him. He has changed a lot in the past two years, but is still the same somehow, like a stronger version of who he was before. It was really hard for me to look him in the eye even though it felt so good when I did. I know he wasn't feeling all the butterflies and things like I was which made me sad because as I sat talking to him I knew I was falling for him all over again just like when we first met but I knew he didnt reciprocate the feeling probably. It felt horrible to see him like that in front of me again but know we are not together like we were two years ago, that he isnt mine. I had not seen him since the day I said goodbye so it was all so surreal to me.

Painful though mostly at the same time because I got the vibe that he had no interest in giving it a second chance. I led the conversation like I knew I should and I leaned him closer and closer towards our relationship from before. He kind of balked a little when I started asking him questions about how he felt. He put his armor back up so to speak after that and it was hard to talk to him. He basically said that while he is over the whole ordeal and that he has moved on to bigger and better things it still pains him a little to think about it. He basically said he loved me more than anything before and would have done anything for me but that feeling dissolved over time with less and less communication and feelings with me. This made me scream in my mind because I tried talking to him a few times like I said before but I guess at the same time they were not real reaches to him so I cant really blame him. But towards the end of the conversation I basically got that he missed me for a really long time after and it took a while to get over, even while he was with another girl. But that he had fought so hard to get over and past me that he doesnt think he can put himself out there again, especially for a girl like me. That stung really bad when he said that, I think it was kind of mean but I can see where he was coming from. I think I may have made a mistake in meeting him because now its even worse for me wanting him so badly but hearing his words over again in my head that he wouldnt be willing to try again with me, meanwhile he just got lots of closure and I dont have any way back in anymore. This sucks so bad. I am kind of glad I did it because it was better than nothing and atleast now I know, I just wish he felt differently. I wish I had handled myself differently in the past. I ****ed it up with a really great guy all because I was young and stupid. I had hoped that he would look at it like that and see it as the old me but I guess he doesnt really want to get to know the newer me, and he said that people never change anyway, even though I can see clearly that he has.


He did leave the door open for communication I guess, he didnt say dont call me or anything like that, he just said hed talk to me another time so I guess that means something. I am glad he met me and maybe this was his way of saying try harder and you have a chance. But I dont want to be a girl that goes chasing after a guy that sounds dumb for me to have to do that when I could have most guys if I wanted, I just want this one more. This is just pathetic that I feel like this after so long though, it should be him feeling like this about me not the other way around right now. So stupid.

Anyway that is my update so far, what does everyone think of this all?