But things often come in cycles, and what was unimportant in the love stakes can be renewed between two people.
And there are different elements to love: passion, intimacy, and commitment. In marriage or LTR, the commitment is there to fall back on when passion and intimacy are all but lost. And from this commitment, the passion and intimacy can be renewed should crisis loom.
However, in the case of 'true love', I believe no cheating is possible (well, maybe prostitution or ONS). Just in the kind which is a comfortable, warm, settling kind of love. A partnership. Or a wonderful friendship.
But then how many of us go out there prepared to offer true love. We'd be insane, no? So infidelity ends up fairly common, as people who have settled meet true lovers, but then cannot reverse previous commitments in the face of this. Hence all the heartbreak.
And commitment is the most enduring element of love, albeit the emptiest.
I guess I am seeing it from both sides!
Last edited by wheelwright; 7th November 2009 at 8:28 PM..
I am married and had an affair with a married man. What some people don't understand is that some people have affairs mainly because of what's missing INSIDE themselves, not always their marriage.
My marriage isn't great, but I do love my H (though I would agree, not "in love" with him). I did love my xAP.
I for one do believe you can love two people at the same time. Not in the same way for both, but you can.
Yes, you can.
I am married and had an affair with a married man. What some people don't understand is that some people have affairs mainly because of what's missing INSIDE themselves, not always their marriage. My marriage isn't great, but I do love my H (though I would agree, not "in love" with him). I did love my xAP.
I for one do believe you can love two people at the same time. Not in the same way for both, but you can.
You have just warped your definition of love to fit your situation.
Fact is that you can't love two people at once like that.
If you truly love someone, you would do things for their benefit not yours! Love... the real thing... is not selfish.
I am married and had an affair with a married man. What some people don't understand is that some people have affairs mainly because of what's missing INSIDE themselves, not always their marriage.
My marriage isn't great, but I do love my H (though I would agree, not "in love" with him). I did love my xAP.
I for one do believe you can love two people at the same time. Not in the same way for both, but you can.
I really do agree with this post...what's missing inside a cheater is the ability to respect their significant other. I also agree that it is because the cheater loves, but is no longer in love, with their partner, and again, something missing wthin themselves makes them choose selfish choices (staying and also playing away) rather than facing the hard choices that being honest can bring. Also some people are so desperate for external validation that they will mess up a great R because they need to feel like they can still attract other people, etc...or are missing other things within themselves, such as maturity, that totally clouds their judgement and makes them act in a stupid way that they might later regret.
I would be inclined to say no - if someone cheats on you they are no longer in love with you. They may love you as a friend and companion, but any romantic love is long gone.
No, real love is sacrificial. You would rather die than hurt the person you love. That's why cheaters don't love the BS or AP, they both end up hurt by their brand of selfish "love".
__________________
Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death.
I dont know maybe there's a compartimentilization thing when people cheat. Sometimes females and males can just block out what is right and wrong to do what they desire....
IT's sad but it does happen. And when that mental wall breaks down and they realize the bad things they've done wrong. the guilt comes crashing down.
There's people who are serial cheaters that make excuses and do it anyway's.
There are people who are love addicts who only care about either that emotional or physical high.
Then you have people who do make bad choices but are remorseful about things.
IT is what it is...
__________________
You see I'm not a monster...I'm just ahead of the curve!!!
I dont know maybe there's a compartimentilization thing when people cheat. Sometimes females and males can just block out what is right and wrong to do what they desire....
IT's sad but it does happen. And when that mental wall breaks down and they realize the bad things they've done wrong. the guilt comes crashing down.
This is what H keeps saying. His affair apparently started as an experiment, that went too far in the end.
I am married and had an affair with a married man. What some people don't understand is that some people have affairs mainly because of what's missing INSIDE themselves, not always their marriage.
My marriage isn't great, but I do love my H (though I would agree, not "in love" with him). I did love my xAP.
I for one do believe you can love two people at the same time. Not in the same way for both, but you can.
And even if it's a little bit of both -- something missing in the cheating person and something missing in their marriage -- I think, from experience, a person can love their spouse intensely and still cheat.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chrome Barracuda
I dont know maybe there's a compartimentilization thing when people cheat. Sometimes females and males can just block out what is right and wrong to do what they desire....
IT's sad but it does happen. And when that mental wall breaks down and they realize the bad things they've done wrong. the guilt comes crashing down.
There's people who are serial cheaters that make excuses and do it anyway's.
There are people who are love addicts who only care about either that emotional or physical high.
Then you have people who do make bad choices but are remorseful about things.
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