Really trying to be strong but i can't stop crying. To give so much of yourself to someone and then have to let that all go. Very hard. We spent almost all of our time together. And now all of that time is spent alone
Accemoidua - This is so hard for you - it probably feels like you have invested so much into your relationship with him and there are regrets, maybe a bit of guilt, feelings of love,a sense of "how could i have been so stupid", loneliness - these are very normal for someone who gets out of a relationship with a narcissist.
The person that you fell in love with (the charming, attractive super guy) just doesn't exist - he is a fantasy - your fantasy and his fantasy. If he is a narcissist, what he was acting out for you was precisely what he wanted you to see - because in his eyes he wanted you to think he was pretty much perfect. It was an act - narcissist's do not know what it feels like to have strong emotions with another - in their world it is all about them. Narcissists are experts at exploiting you - they are experts at reading what you want and need and then portraying exactly that - until they get what they want and all the while doing what they want in secret.
This guy has lied to you on many occasions - and these weren't little lies.
It feels like sh#t right now but it will get better - rejoice that you are out of the situation - many of the people here have been through similar things in one way or another and they will all have different views about what you should do but they will all have felt despair, anger, sadness and they are here for you to get support from (hell I was reading LS for nearly a year before i contributed at all, and the support from reading other peoples post was a huge help to me - just to know that I wasn't the only person going through what I was was such a relief)
Keep Strong - you are doing well - hugs to ya
__________________
You can't talk your way out of something you've behaved yourself into. Steven R Covey
You will heal it takes time. Remember your narcissistic ex fed on your emotional supply! In time your energy levels and self esteem will increase for you. Look online their are dozens of sites telling stories of how people have been hurt by narcissists. Your reaction is normal, read other peoples stories and gain strength, you are worth so much more, every day of NC is a day you are becoming stronger, you can do it
Location: between a Rock and a Hard Place, Scotland
Posts: 4
Excellent advice, gavinus, and I can back that up. Just spent a lovely weekend walking and going out to eat with friends - feel fabulous !Like my old self, only wiser and stronger and more appreciative of the good life I've made for me and my family. When I remember how he drained so much energy from me with his capricious behaviour...and how I encouraged that..... I literally feel like the Wicked Fairy's spell has been broken. No wonder these people are called 'emotional vampires'- so true
How did your weekend go ? Are you feeling any better ? Do let us know.
Thanks for all of the replies. I just started a new thread called "broke nc, i feel so stupid." Long story short i texted him for my laptop and he started going into our future. He came over and he suggested we make a good/bad list and also take a few days to think about what we wanted. That was last Sunday and the plan was to meet back up on Wednesday. Wednesday after going through each other's lists, he takes my hand and says he thinks i'm the one for him but if we got back together now we would not work, so he thinks we should work on a relationship (still remaining single), go to therapy and see if we can somehow come back together? Oh boy, i fell for it cause i wasn't sure i wanted to be with him. So he spent the night, didn't have sex but came pretty close (i refused to let him penetrate). Woke up that morning to have him pressure me into having a shower with him. After all of that i felt so guilty about giving any part of myself to a man who didn't want to commit. We didn't have sex, but we did everything but. I told him how i felt later that day and he became a complete a**, said that we weren't ready for a relationship and if i wanted to walk away he would respect that. I felt so stupid. I actually thought he meant all the stuff in his letters he was sending to prior to our meeting on Sunday (he would do anything to get me back, he wanted to marry me, have children, etc). All of that just so he could pull me back in and have me as a close FWB? I told him last night that i was moving on and i suggested he do the same. He kept texting me asking me to be more clear. I told him i was on my way out the door and couldn't talk. He wrote back, "oh really, ok." Then he wrote "where r u going." I hate this. I hate being in love with a man who could care less about what he puts me through. NC truly is the solution, but again i'm still trying to figure out whether i should get the 3k back he owes me and my laptop. Ugh, i feel so used...
Hello! This is a big Chance of your Life!!
Discover how I got my ex back and never have to worry about relationship problems ever again! if you intereseted CLICK HERE
Ok, so another update. My ex and i just got into a big blow out via phone. Said his plan was for us to go to 2-3 therapy sessions before jumping back into a relationship. I told him that i wasn't comfortable going to therapy with someone i wasn't with. Told him i'm not comfortable in speaking to him or seeing him like we were together if we're not. I told him i wasn't comfortable with the "non commitment." After screaming at each other for about 20 minutes, he hung up on me. I called him back and told him that it was fine, to just return the laptop and give me the money he owes, he said he guess we can meet up tomorrow and hungup. Hopefully tomorrow will be the last time i deal with him. I was actually beginning to believe the whole "let's work on us first before jumping back into a relationship." Boy, am i really this stupid? Or am I just too damn skeptical? I'm having so much doubt right now. None of it makes sense when i'm speaking to him over the phone, but when i see him and he looks at me i believe everything he says. Why me?
None of it makes sense when i'm speaking to him over the phone, but when i see him and he looks at me i believe everything he says. Why me?
Best option - forget the laptop and the money
Next Best option - send a courier - costs $20 at most. [he will deliberately screw this up. have the delivery to a neutral person at a business address]
He won't change unless he wants to. If he wants to he will, no excuses or self-pity party. He'll just do it.
It is ok for you to have needs you know. The sky won't fall if you decide that you are entitled to reciprocal love.
They are master manipulators and that is why you lose control of the situation in person with him. They aren't as effective at their game from a distance.
Last edited by Boundary Problem; 14th November 2009 at 7:18 PM..
please get out and get out now of this situation..i have been in the same as you and am going through the same..my ex is dating someone else and texts me rubbing it in my face almost daily..im hurting so much that my insides are screaming.my ex has played with my emotions so much that i have broken down with that constant pain in my stomach...hes been with other women almost through out our 2 years together.im in no contact and am not replying to his games..its def true what everyone says,its like comming off a drug and going cold turkey..my ex has met someone else is is clearly lying to her as well thats how im looking at my situation.do u think if she knew he was battering me down then telling me he loves me that she would want to know him anymore..im not even going to cut myself finding out who this girl is..she wouldnt believe what i had to say anyway.im not atall strong to him as his texts get to me daily but speaking with him gets to me more so im having to just get my head down and ignore the best i can.right now im feel im one of the weakest people going right now but if i can ignore then i know you can..we have to draw strenth from each other.i have sadly lost all faith in men right now and feel no one could ever love me like he did but the truth is,he never did love me to treat me the way he has..its hard and gets harder but keep busy..forget everything he has of yours,its part of him being in control by hanging on to these things...be bigger than him and dont ask for nothing...he will come round maybe with this laptop of yours and thats when u have to be strong and tell him never to darken your doorstep again..be strong hun please..u are worth more than this xx
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Hybrid Mode
