[lkjh]

Originally Posted by boundaryproblem

It is none of your business whether she was a virgin or not.

People always assume that girls "volunteered" for their first sexual experience.

People think that just because they are dating they are entitled to know their partner's sexual past, and then the person is judged on it.

Judge her based on the person she is today. Who knows what really happened in the past. And if she doesn't want to talk about what really happened, I can easily see the most reasonable and honest person lying - to just keep a lid on the situation.

Leave it alone. Have some compassion and sensitivity.

Award for dumbest advice ever. Only a complete idiot would ignore the past and lying. Everyone talks to their bf/gf about their past.

[Boundary Problem]

Originally Posted by lkjh

Award for dumbest advice ever. Only a complete idiot would ignore the past and lying. Everyone talks to their bf/gf about their past.

We're talking the specifics of loss of her virginity.

If she offers the information - fine. But it is putting pressure on her to know what happened and what the situation is - that creates the environment for the lying.

What if her first time was date rape by a boyfriend? Still feel entitled to know just because you've been dating her for a while? I can see her lying to cover that up and just move forward with her life.

Life isn't always black and white.

[lkjh]

Originally Posted by Boundary Problem

We're talking the specifics of loss of her virginity.

If she offers the information - fine. But it is putting pressure on her to know what happened and what the situation is - that creates the environment for the lying.

What if her first time was date rape by a boyfriend? Still feel entitled to know just because you've been dating her for a while? I can see her lying to cover that up and just move forward with her life.

Life isn't always black and white.

Do you think before you post? Do not create an hypothetical that is unlikely, just to justify lying. We can only post on what we know and general situations. There isn't a single place in this post that indicates that the girl was rapped. She told her friend that she had sex with her ex and it was quick, she never said he rapped her. People have the right to ask about their SO past, it really is plain and simple

Post like yours are flat out disgusting ignorant. There are actually women who get rapped and people don't believe them because people like you try to use the rape card to curve a discussion and gain sympathy.

[Boundary Problem]

Originally Posted by lkjh

There isn't a single place in this post that indicates that the girl was rapped.
People have the right to ask about their SO past, it really is plain and simple

I agree with you that you aren't going to date someone unless you know their general sexual history.

Where you and I diverge in opinion is that I do not think someone is entitled to know about loss of virginity, unless I choose to tell them.

Date rape is more common than you might think - even by boyfriends. Which is why I think sensitivity and compassion are a must. And then perhaps the woman will volunteer what happened.

But trying to pry the information out of her is what creates the pressure. The pressure leads to the lying, in my opinion.

[dreamergrl]

Originally Posted by lkjh

Everyone talks to their bf/gf about their past.

Careful with generalizing.

[tami-chan]

Cubbie, you need to CHOOSE, DECIDE--hallmarks in the process of maturing, apparently !

-your GF told you she was a virgin, and told you al kinds of things that made you feel like "wow, I am THe man"...and you have, until now, a good relationship, right?

-her friend (? ) drunkenly told you (ok fine, so she reiterated the same when sober), your GF lied and that indeed, she slept with her ex-bf ( who happens to be the friend's bf now-sheesh).

things to ask yourself:

-why does the friend deserve YOUR loyalty? because what she told you favors you? Think about it. She lied to your GF-betrayed their friendship. So she does NOT deserve loyalty(at least, not in this sense)

-if she lied, then what will you do with the new information? Decide now, so you do not come back to LS asking..."My GF admitted to lying about her virgnity, what do I do? I love her so much, but brokenhearted about this"..

My opinion:

-Choose. Decide. If you want your relationship with your gf unmarred by some secret, talk to your GF and yes, mention the "friend". Do you want a better relationship with her or continue to protect her friend and make her believe that her friend is a "true friend" if so, then suffer in silence , or get over it or better yet, end the relationship.

However, before you confront your GF, tell the so-called "friend" you are going to have "the talk" with the GF. That way she has a running chance of concocting a story (or another story?) should your GF confront her .

I understand that this is not about "virginity" itself but the "lying"...so make a decision and learn how to navigate the sometimes perilous voyage of being in a relationship....and caring about what other people say about your personal life.

[cas114]

dude are you actually so stupid ? i mean all i see is . she lied , she lied again and again and again ... even more so she told her friend she will never ever tell you about it ... look this is just the type of girl who will cheat on you then think to herself that it was just a one time thing and never tell you lol srly.... my best friend is going through something like this... look> come clean tell her what you think , break up with her ,stay friends and if in a year or so you still love her then go for it. the thing is that you may have lost your physical virginity but as of now mentally you are still a virgin. why ? cause in your mind the way you see it shes got one more under the belt than you LOL

i mean im sorry girls but is the truth is like someone tells you she is selling you a new car then u find out is used .. again im srry girls out there but is the truth

[dreamergrl]

Originally Posted by cas114

dude are you actually so stupid ? i mean all i see is . she lied , she lied again and again and again ... even more so she told her friend she will never ever tell you about it ... look this is just the type of girl who will cheat on you then think to herself that it was just a one time thing and never tell you lol srly.... my best friend is going through something like this... look> come clean tell her what you think , break up with her ,stay friends and if in a year or so you still love her then go for it. the thing is that you may have lost your physical virginity but as of now mentally you are still a virgin. why ? cause in your mind the way you see it shes got one more under the belt than you LOL

i mean im sorry girls but is the truth is like someone tells you she is selling you a new car then u find out is used .. again im srry girls out there but is the truth

You are assuming the friend was telling the truth.

[AAlike]

Originally Posted by cas114

i mean im sorry girls but is the truth is like someone tells you she is selling you a new car then u find out is used .. again im srry girls out there but is the truth

oh yeah? that's what it's like?

Statements like this are why I completely understand why girls lie. Do I condone it? No, but do I understand it? Sure.

[lkjh]

Originally Posted by AAlike

oh yeah? that's what it's like?

Statements like this are why I completely understand why girls lie. Do I condone it? No, but do I understand it? Sure.

right, so its justified for girls to lie

[AAlike]

Originally Posted by lkjh

right, so its justified for girls to lie

ummm...no, I said that I DON'T condone the lying - but I can see why a teenage mind finds it easier to lie than be subjected to ridiculous mentalities that think that a girl that is over the age at which most girls lose their virginity and had sex with one boyfriend is a "used car."