Let her prove you with her actions not words. If you believe she deserves a second chance than go for it, but make sure to yourself that she understands her mistakes and will never do them again. Other than that i'd say forget and move on, ignore her calls and text messages focus on you and the life ahead.
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Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Here is an update from a pretty heavy night last night. I REALLY need somme advice in this situation because it is now at the most crucial point where I need to make a decision.
so from my above story you can see that my ex cheated on me with an old flame and then started to have a "relationship" with him. well 2 nights ago, I was having a ciggarette with a mutual friend and my ex shows up OUT OF NOWHERE. She was really awkward and didnt talk to me or look at me. I felt out of place, said Hi to her, and then proceeded to leave. I said Bye to her and she didnt even look at me. As I was driving away, she texted me and said "She couldnt handle seeing me, and as soon as I walked out the door, she broke down crying uncontrollably"....so obviously seeing me (which she went out of her way to do) stirred a great deal of emotion inside of her. fastforward to last night and she kept texting me wanting to come over and just "talk"...I ignored her texts and calls all day until I finally broke down when she left a voicemail saying she was right down the road from my apt and was going to stop by for some of her "things"....
Well, she did stop by and I was here. When she walked into my apt, my heart just fell deep into my stomach. I was absolutely taken aback by how gorgeous she was and how much my heart felt nothing but instant happiness. I played it cool all night and we had such deep conversations about music, religion, piercings, even relationship dynamics, friends, and we listened to music we both loved while reading the lyrics. She kept telling me several times about these Brand New songs that reminded me of her. She finally sat down beside me and started flirting with me but I did not flirt back. I could the power shifting in my body and then during a song she just latched onto me and starting crying intensely. I held her so tightly and it all felt so right, but at the same time, something inside of me was telling me that she is doing this because her new boyfriend (the one she cheated with) is not here. He lives in Louisiana and we live in Florida. after the hug and cry, it became more of a casual conversation about "us" and what to do next. I never once mentioned I wanted to get back together.
All in all, I have tried SO hard to implement this NC rule but its not working for me. She is the "one" and I want to do everything in my power to win her back, but it has to be on MY terms and she could end up cheating on me again. She even told me that her new boyfriend (of 1 week now) LOVES her and it freaks her out. he is just a rebound boy, a **** buddy for her, and now I am just SEVERELY CONFUSED as what to do next.
Its Sunday and she wants to come over and watch the Saints game because its something we've done together religiously for the last 2 years. Do I ignore her today and into the future....or do I just play it cool and hang out with her?....Is she just getting validation from me because her new bloke isnt here?
...ahhhhh! so many questions now. If I just knew how to make this nightmare go away
As you said her new dude isn't there, and it's obvious that her new guy doesn't know she tried to flirt with you are you sure she won't cheat when he comes back? Although, you already made a mistake by allowing her to come in your apartment. Don't let her use you, tell her you are busy tonight and she can't come to your place. Let her know that she isn't taking this break up seriously, in the mean time don't contact her doesn't matter if she sent you 10000 messages. Go NC and heal yourself, the reason she came back to you is because she is lonely think about this man you deserve much better don't let her play mind games with you.
She talking to about her new boyfriend, throwing it in your face. if she is that cold, why do you even want her in your life?
She is a game player and your the toy.
by the way: Inauthentic = not authentic
Unauthentic = intended to deceive
As in: The inauthentic relationship is doomed because your girlfriend's unauthentic actions.
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"There can be no Peace, Joy or Contentment in your heart, if the things you say are different to the things you do"-Xena the Buddhist Monk Warrior Princess
"be less gravy, more steel"-caramel C.
Last edited by GrayClouds; 8th November 2009 at 11:04 PM..
I think that is really harsh. I personally have never bought or read one of those books as it's about manipulation but as mentioned I'm sure there is some decent pointers in there. The OP is in obvious pain and he's reaching out like everyone else
For me (and I'm no expert) you HAVE to go no contact. While ever she is getting what she needs from you she'll not miss you (I'd have thought that would have been covered in that book to be honest).
I'm in the process of getting my ex back but it's very touch and go and that came about with nc. You have to re-group, get back some self belief and see how you feel when you've made some steps to recovery. A cheating partner may well have made a mistake - then again she may be a lifetime of pain and hurt
I know how you feel mate, your story is similar to mine and happened around the same time except I went completely NC and she hasn't even tried to contact me, but this... "I hit a wall" happens quiet often since they broke-up and not you, they ended something and not you... For now pain stings like a bee, but in the future you have nothing to worry about since you didn't fail no one. Would be aquard to feel bad of something you didn't even give a reason to happen so be cool just how you been all this time. As you can see her night mare is barely starting which also has a name REMORSE
well, I caved in and let her come over yesterday evening. I went to the beach with friends for a while and found myself in such a good mood the entire day. we watched the game together and then things got sort of flirty here and there until I had to leave to meet a friend for coffee. she was finishing up a show on my tv so I left before her. we didnt talk the rest of the night and when I got back home she left a note on my counter that read "Thank you for being such an amazing person and seeing me the past 2 nights. I've had so much fun with you and I'm realzing how huge of a mistake I made. Please call me if you ever want to. xoxo"
I havent spoken/text her since I left last night and quite frankly, I woke up this morning feeling refreshed like I wanted to get my life back in complete order. I have this weird feeling inside that I don't NEED to see her like I did a week ago. I still love her so very much, but I'm not getting my hopes up thinking she will call or text me. Maybe seeing her for 2 nights straight and playing it cool has given me a sort of release from all of this. I cant imagine myself crawling back into the deep deep hole of crying constantly and not eating/sleeping. Im still just confused. Everyone here is telling me no contact but when trying that I was broken. Now that I've seen her a couple times, its made me feel so much better and yes, thats probably because its what I wanted b/c I lost her and yearned for her.
Now, where do I go from here? I feel I have the power to still go NC, but my main goal is to win her back. She isnt some cold heartless b*tch who throws everything in my face. She made a huge mistake and is indeed entering that state of remorse.
I'm going to Seattle this weekend (it was an impulse decision I made when I found out she cheated) to get out of town and find some clarity. Her and I have been planning to move there for a year now...so she was jealous when she found out Im going there by myself because we always went there together on vacation. My new question now is, Im flying out on Friday and return late Monday night. She told me last night she wants to be the one who meets me at the airport when I return home. I want to go NC until then and hope that meeting can be a new start for us.
So I went back to work today and continued NC for the duration of the day. Came home and did some homework, hung out with the pops for a while, and watched a movie before winding down to bed. Heard a song that made me break down and cry but it made me feel better afterwards. No texts or calls from the ex.
But then as Im sleeping, I start to dream about her. A gorgeous house in the city we want to move to with tiny little subliminal messages all around. I am awaken in my sleep at 4am by a text message. Its her telling me "I love you so much no matter what happens"
I didnt respond and got up, went to work, and now I later this morning getting atext saying she wants to meet up tonight. What shall I do?
I feel like she is regretting her decision to decieve me, but I just dont know how to respond
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