[Boundary Problem]

Originally Posted by lilacmuse

One night, several years ago, we ended up hooking up, then decided shortly afterwards that it wasn't going to work out for us.
Thanks.

I think you are in love with the idea of him liking you and chasing you. - to feed your ego - maybe? Plus it is within months of marriage that people feel a bit like they are "locked in", so you are a bit vulnerable right now. Coming down from the wedding euphoria - it is a way to feel the heat of attention.

When you were both mutually available to each other, you didn't want him.

Marriage can be repetitive, maybe you miss being chased. Is there a way to make things more playful with your husband? Life is often too serious when we are in our middle years.

[Gabriele]

So lilacmuse, have you checked back here.......? what are your thoughts, how are you proceeding?

[2sure]

Certainly it is difficult sometimes to control our thoughts even when we dont like them and have no intention of acting on them.

But a good realistic start would be to never have contact with this guy from the past again. You simply have to ask yourself which is more important...your need to satisfy your curiosity about your thoughts or your marriage and the rest of your life? Pick one, because you cannot have both.